Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Get carded at the Men’s Resource Center \ New campaign reaches out to perpetrators of violence

‘Most likely to be punched by her boyfriend.’

‘Most likely to have teeth knocked out.’

‘Most likely to be date-raped.’

The domestic violence awareness campaign running on New York’s metropolitan trains features yearbook-style photos of women, with jarring superlatives beneath each one.

That is not what the Men’s Resource Center (MRC) has in mind for its new outreach campaign to men who may be violent or abusive in their relationships.

Instead of focusing on the victim of domestic violence, the MRC’s unique mission is to help the perpetrator change patterns of abuse through counseling, and by sharing experiences with men in similar situations.

The MRC has produced 10,000 postcard-sized cards that ask, ‘Is this you?’ or ‘Is this someone you know?’ The cards list descriptions of abuse-related behavior, such as extreme jealousy, calling one’s partner names, and destroying one’s possessions in anger.

Michael Dover, chair of the board of directors of the MRC, was instrumental in designing the cards, based on a similar set of questions that had appeared in Voice Male last year. He said that the MRC is looking for volunteers to distribute them to commercial establishments, such as bars and Laundromats.

To date, two men have sought help at the MRC after seeing the cards, according to Dover.

‘One was in court for domestic violence and he saw the card,’ he said. ‘The other one saw the information featured in the Springfield Republican.’

Many similar programs get almost all of their clients as part of court orders through the justice system, but the MRC finds a significant amount through other channels.

‘About half of our clients are ordered by a court to be in our programs, and the other half are self-referred, that is, here at the strong urging of a friend, clergy member, lawyer, or therapist,’ said Robert Okun, the associate director.

The MRC is one of the oldest certified battering-prevention programs in the state.

‘When the Massachusetts Department of Public Health began certifying around the end of 1991, we were among the first four programs to have the official seal,’ said Okun.

A variety of innovative programs, coordinated by the MRC, serve the needs of men in the Pioneer Valley. Primarily based in Amherst, around 500 supporters subscribe to the organization’s magazine, Voice Male. Through weekly groups and counseling, the MRC helps hundreds of men to defeat violent patterns of behavior in relationships.

The Center’s Vision Statement says it ’embraces both nonviolence and liberation.’

‘In this case, liberation signifies freeing oneself from conventional definitions of masculinity. We also support liberation of women from the conventional definitions of femininity,’ Oken said. ‘We’re taking on the twin notions of supporting men and challenging violence. Men are hurting, and men are causing violence.’

Amherst residents who drive past the MRC’s subtle sign on North Pleasant St. might not be aware of the Center’s mission.

‘If you drove down a main street, and saw a Women’s Resource Center, you’d immediately have some idea what it was. Men, also, need services; men are in the process of understanding what it means to be a man in the 21st century,’ said Okun.

Alex MacPhail began voluntarily attending free group meetings at the MRC in 1998. The first group he joined was called ‘Men Overcoming Violence.’

‘I was in an incredible amount of pain and confusion from my relationships, as well as old stuff from my childhood and adolescence,’ he said, describing the meetings as ‘very safe places.’ ‘I feel honored and nourished by other men’s stories. I had never been able to talk with men in such an open, honest manner.’

He soon became a facilitator, and began helping other men.

A typical meeting begins with a relaxation exercise, followed by a check-in, in which the men each have a few minutes to talk about their experiences in the past week. They are encouraged to talk about how they handled potentially explosive situations, such as by taking five minutes to cool down.

Next, there is a discussion of the most urgent situations. For instance, one man may be going through a divorce and need extra support at that time. This may be followed by a curriculum of teaching techniques for anger management. The meeting closes with a short checkout for each member, who can evaluate the meeting and state goals for the coming week.

‘It’s men learning from other men how best to care for themselves in a healthy way,’ said MacPhail.

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