Dear Sophie,
Yowza. That must have been hard to explain. If you somehow managed to justify that plausibly, I am very, very impressed.

My girlfriend really loves it when I physically harm her during sex. A couple nights ago, I accidentally gave her a black eye and bruises. People are asking questions. What’s the best way to keep this a secret while still being rough?

It sounds like you’re stepping into dangerous territory here, so I’d advise you to get pretty secure in your knowledge of human anatomy before you carry on punching your girlfriend. If you’re hitting her hard enough to give her a black eye, you could probably injure her quite badly if you hit her in the wrong place. If it’s the pain itself that you both enjoy, there are a lot of ways to cause someone temporary pain without inflicting damage. I recommend that you look some of these up (on BDSM websites, for example) instead.

If it’s the marks themselves she gets off on, and not the pain, then you’ll just have to stick to places that are typically covered by clothes. And try branching out a bit—into biting, for instance (as long as you don’t break the skin), which will inflict pain and bruising, but no actual organ damage.

Oh, wise and prudent Sophie!

What are your feelings on floorcest? Is it acceptable under any circumstances from the mild (casual hookups/sex) to the extreme (legitimate relationship)?

Of course it is. Dating or hooking up with someone who lives on your floor is the same as doing it with anybody else: as you’re going into it, you have to consider whether the potential enjoyment is worth the potential fallout. Obviously, when you’re in such close contact all the time, the pain and awkwardness of a breakup is going to be exponentially harder to deal with. You just have to be sure to take that into account when you’re canoodling with the babe who lives across the hall from you.

Floorcest can end horribly, or it can work out beautifully. But then, isn’t that the way with all relationships?

Got a problem of your own? Tell me about it at my Formspring.

Sophie Kaner can be reached at [email protected].