October 24, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Michael Kimmel speaks to UMass students about ‘Guyland’ -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

UMass football looks for third straight win against Toledo on Saturday -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

‘Love is Strange’ is beautiful, painful and groundbreaking -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

White supremacy and settler colonialism at UMass -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

UMass hockey hopes first win will propel them past Hockey East rivals -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

UMass’ second line playing and succeeding with young talent early in the season. -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

‘The Good Wife’ returns as strong as ever -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Professor receives grant to cover massive election survey panel -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Unions rally over recent concession proposals -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

NFL Pick’em games return to the Massachusetts Daily Collegian -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

UMass celebrates Campus Sustainability Day -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

“Fury” falls just short of greatness -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Minutewomen look to continue their season in weekend game against Saint Bonaventure. -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

New meal plans receive mixed reviews from students -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

ISIS’s magazine is good for the West -

Thursday, October 23, 2014

UMass women’s soccer controls its own destiny as conference tournament approaches -

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

UMass soccer deploys new formation with Keys, Jess -

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

UMass calling on young swimmers to continue strong start to the year -

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

WMU, Ohio, NIU pick up wins in busy MAC weekend -

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A comprehensive guide to the Ebola virus -

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Bans aren’t ‘Blasts’

MCT

If the politicians had their way, no one in this country would ever advance past a mental age of six. It does not seem to me that they are able to comprehend the fact that people who are not politicians can make their own decisions.

The other day I came across an article in The Wall Street Journal, “Pabst’s Horse of a Different Color: Colt 45 Enters Controversial Ring” about a new beverage called “Blast by Colt 45” modeled on Tilt, Four Loko and similar highly-alcoholic, fruit-flavored drinks. Basically, the traditional Colt 45 malt liquor, which I praised highly last semester, has seen falling sales since 2002, so Pabst is hoping that entering a new market with Snoop Dogg as the spokesman, will help them recover the lost ground.

Tom Stevens, a Vermont state representative from Waterbury, Vt., was mentioned in the article as a co-sponsor of a bill banning flavored malt beverages in containers of more than 12 ounces. I called him up to talk about it.

“I think they’re dangerous drinks,” he said. “They’re not sipping drinks. Twenty four ounces equals four beers; by the breathalyzer that means you should drink it in about four hours.”

He said that the flavored malt liquors – he called them “alcopops” – were “meant for underage drinkers.”

I can see his point. It’s a very rational one. Back when Four Loko still had caffeine we all knew people who wanted them because of the “black out in a can” thing and not because one can of Four Loko was the equivalent of however many beers the national media was saying for the price of a can of Arizona Iced Tea in the Blue Wall.

But we can’t disregard responsibility. The whole purpose of education, of growing up is to achieve a level of responsibility where we won’t be dependent on our parents. My dad taught me a lot about beer before I turned 21 – how to appraise it, how to drink it, how to pour it – and so I don’t chug, I don’t buy “light” beer and I let my Guinness settle before I drink it.

Forewarned is forearmed, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t downed half of a $22 bottle of Jose Cuervo in a night, or mixed beer, MD 20/20, Jagermeister and something labeled as “cherry-flavored apple wine product” last September. It does mean that I stopped when I felt ill, or in the case of the tequila, actually threw up. I know my limits and pushing them is part of that process of discovery.

“When you’re 21 or 22 you’re a legal drinker,” Stevens said, “and you’re allowed to be as responsible or as irresponsible as you like. Alcopops are geared for and used by underage drinkers.”

That may be true, but if the problem is underage drinking the legality of what kinds of flavors manufacturers can put in their drinks don’t matter. Underage drinkers of the recent past got on with regular beers and liquors just like people drank Red Bull and vodka or Jaegerbombs before Four Loko.

People have always cared about the taste of their drinks. A well-mixed cocktail, in my experience, combines flavors that might be harsh on their own in a way that mitigates and improves them. Highballs are cocktails where one or more spirits has been mixed with a soda. The most famous one is probably the rum and coke, but there are a lot of them and they’re popular because they tend to be highly alcoholic and taste good.

These days vodka is the world’s most popular spirit and I’m pretty sure it’s because it’s so mixable. There is really nothing you can’t mix with vodka and enjoy – juices, sodas, other spirits – and when you mix them with vodka the resulting concoctions taste very good and are very alcoholic. While I suspect the bourbon and rum makers would love it if states started banning vodka because of its flexibility, nobody else would.

“People who want something [because they’ve been] influenced by the advertising are going to find a way to get it,” Stevens said. “The drinks themselves are the problem.”

But are they really the problem? Is there even a problem? Most of the people affected by laws like the one Stevens has co-sponsored are living on their own for the first time with the least supervision they have ever known. There is something profoundly liberating in not having parents telling you when you should go to bed or reminding you to do homework. Choice is the greatest and most dangerous thing of all and I don’t think that anyone ever learns how to make good choices without ever making bad choices, especially when the bad choice tastes as good as watermelon-flavored vodka.

It would seem that the whole thing is an impasse: the advertising isn’t an issue, the only way to stop underage drinking is to eliminate drinking ages entirely and people will mix their drinks in whatever ways appeal to their tastes the most. We might as well be free to drink what we please.

I did learn my lesson about tequila and no longer drink it in large quantities.

Matthew M. Robare is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at mrobare@student.umass.edu.

Comments
3 Responses to “Bans aren’t ‘Blasts’”
  1. AJ says:

    Getting drunk is not only bad for you, it’s a danger for others. Selling drinks that are likely going to be used by people to get drunk and potentially do stupid violent things is the equivalent to selling cars with huge spikes protruding from the hood.

  2. Roberto Mascinoni says:

    Why don’t you just skip the mixing process? I live in Russia, and it is not unusual to see people walking around with bottles of beer or a small bottle of vodka in the morning. There are severely worse problems with alcoholism in countries abroad. The majority of Americans are wusses.

  3. Mike says:

    To the politicians and AJ. YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS TELLING ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT PUT IN MY BODY.Congratulations on banning Four-Loko “for the children.” These are the same geniuses that think that Marijuana is worse than alcohol.

    The bottom line is we need to vote out these politicians who think they know better than us as they blow our money on the stupidest crap and try more and more to micromanage the lives of people who live in a country that was founded on the idea that the government leaves us alone.

    Great piece, I wish you were harsher on Tom Stevens and came right out and asked him why the people can’t be trusted to live without his legislation and guidance, why we needed to give up more freedoms because he thought it would make us safe.

    Mike

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