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UMass field hockey pulls off thrilling overtime victory against Northeastern -

Thursday, September 3, 2015

UMass football fall camp: Kicking competition between Blake Lucas, Mike Caggiano nearing decision -

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Adam Liccardi found guilty in UMass rape trial -

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

UMass football fall camp: Jackson Porter adapting well following switch to wide receiver -

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UMass football fall camp: Minutemen look for Robert Kitching to anchor defensive line -

Monday, August 31, 2015

Closing arguments delivered in Adam Liccardi rape trial -

Monday, August 31, 2015

Early goals sink UMass men’s soccer in loss to Saint Peter’s -

Monday, August 31, 2015

UMass field hockey splits weekend matches with UNH and BU -

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UMass women’s soccer struck by injuries, struggles offensively as it falls to No. 24 Rutgers -

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UMass men’s soccer drops season opener to Utah Valley in overtime -

Friday, August 28, 2015

UMass football notebook: Jackson Porter moves to WR, UMass schedules 2016 game with South Carolina -

Friday, August 28, 2015

Former UMass student who accused four men of rape in 2012 testifies during trial Friday -

Friday, August 28, 2015

REPORT: UMass football’s Da’Sean Downey faces two assault charges in connection with February fight -

Thursday, August 27, 2015

UMass football Media Day: Catching up with Joe Colton -

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UMass football fall camp: Creating turnovers, forcing mistakes the focus for linebacking corps -

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Jurors hear police interview, read text messages by defendants in third UMass rape trial -

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

‘Living at UMass’ app aims to make move-in weekend a breeze -

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

UMass rape trial halts abruptly, opening statements delivered Tuesday -

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

UMass football fall camp: Jamal Wilson returns from injury with confidence he is ‘main guy’ at running back -

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

UMass football fall camp: Freshmen Sekai Lindsay, Andy Isabella impressing at running back -

Monday, August 24, 2015

Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse

It’s no doubt that zombies, with their rotting flesh and tendencies to devour human brains, are considered to be popular among some groups in today’s society.

With video games, movies and books dedicated to the lore of the undead, it is clear they have made a significant impact. The stories generally revolve around the same concept – the living dead have occupied the Earth and survivors band together in hope of survival. This common storyline has appealed to some who believe they would enjoy this scenario and be able to survive. Most that make this claim are lying or would quickly change their mind should they actually be placed in this position. In a hypothetical situation, there would be no winners.

For clarity, this article will use the concept of the slow-moving zombies with death from a bite, as opposed to one spread by a virus. More recent outings of zombie lore tend to favor running zombies and an infection that zombifies the person almost immediately. These changes are purely aesthetic and only really pack in a fear factor. True, the whole concept is difficult enough to believe as it is and probably won’t ever happen, but this article will consider the possibility.

Killing old friends

Unless you happen to be a total sociopath, the concept of slaughtering hundreds of zombies should eventually become a living nightmare after a while.

Sure, the idea of decapitating someone you hate might have some appeal; but the reality is that for most, this would cause an overwhelming sense of utter despair. Even if they are just a shell of the people they once were, memories flood and reluctance sets in. And that moment of hesitation can mean the difference between a kill and a bite. With death surrounding all sides, good luck keeping sanity.

For the record, I would love to slice up a few zombies with a katana. I believe a good chunk of us want that, just without the end of the world scenario.

Resources

A zombie apocalypse would essentially mean the end of the world. Given how unfit many people are, it’s likely that the zombie hordes would multiply fast, and by the time it’s beyond control, it’s a fight for resources among everyone.

Food expires, especially when power fails. Those who aren’t fast enough to raid stores will be left in the dust. Packaged food will be useless to most unless one is capable of making a fire on the fly, something that generally draws zombies. Planting seeds for fruits and vegetables is time-consuming, and it’s likely that one won’t be in one place long enough to harvest crops.

In the winter, forget it. In other words, have fun finding food.

People

So you’ve planned a complete zombie survival plan if the day should ever come, complete with escape route and weaponry? Good for you. Now where do other people factor into this?

If you’re so good at surviving, there will definitely be others who will as well. So how do these encounters factor? Just like any normal conversation, any encounter with a survivor can go in any direction. Are they trustworthy? Will they be there to steal your items? Should they join you, what then of that plan? It’s not likely they’ll follow your every move. No one ever said rebuilding society was an easy task. Taking the loner route is possible, but honestly, how long would that mentality last?

Fitness

The zombies of this article are of slow-moving abilities. Individually, they don’t prove much of a threat. As a group, especially if blindsided or cornered, there’s a problem. This has been touched upon in modern media, but it still remains a valid point. Among those who claim they could survive, how many actually do physical activity? Being thin means nothing if one doesn’t have the stamina to keep moving. After sleepless nights and constant relocating, fatigue kicks in for all but the most enduring.

Military

There will be no people attempting to save anyone in mass quantity, unless said people are idiots or philanthropists – or there may even be a run-in with the military. With most of the members being in a state of fear and ignorant of the origin of the zombie outbreak, you’re screwed either way. Should they not shoot on sight, chances are you’ll be taken into custody, where you’ll be tested upon and then forced to serve in a community.

When it comes down to it, should you establish a place to survive, a place to thrive, other people will want in. Lawlessness prevails, so be prepared to defend yourself, at least until the military rolls in. If you’re a survivor and you’re found, the military will want everything you have. But if you can fight back against men with combat gear and bulletproof armor, all the power to you.

There are no survivors in a zombie apocalypse. Ultimately, most everyone would fall in one way or another. But could it be fun to an extent? Definitely, especially with guns, explosions and some totally justified carnage. But throw out the plans, throw out the ideas. Should the world become a living hell, we’re all going down.

Tim Jones can be reached at timothyj@student.umass.edu and followed on Twitter @TimJones90.

 

Comments
One Response to “Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse”
  1. Rory says:

    Tim, thanks for highlighting some of the less discussed points of the apocalypse, though I have to say it all sounds pretty pessimistic. Killing friends and potentially other survivors will be a necessity, obviously, so get as psychologically prepared for it out now… also, look into homesteading.

    Join us over at http://www.hopeforzombies.com to continue the discussion!

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