February 28, 2015

Scrolling Headlines:

UMass hockey falls flat in regular season finale to UConn -

Saturday, February 28, 2015

UMass hockey stumbles offensively against UConn’s tough defensive corps -

Saturday, February 28, 2015

UMass seeks increased energy as it hosts Fordham -

Friday, February 27, 2015

Report: UMass continues search for new athletic director, DeFilippo not an option -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UPDATE: Police to charge UMass football player with two counts of aggravated assault and battery -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Students for Justice in Palestine, administration react to inflammatory posters -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass falls short, lacks energy in 82-71 loss to Saint Joseph’s -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Drake’s surprise mixtape yields few surprises -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Potential shutdown of the Department of Homeland Security offers chance for Republican legislature to learn from its mistakes -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Jose Gonzalez returns with graceful “Vestiges & Claws” -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Winless UMass faces Brown -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

SGA to host Women’s Leadership Symposium -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass women’s basketball finishes road schedule with matchup against Dayton -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Keystone XL pipeline sparks pollution awareness -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Dartmouth and Fordham to start stretch of key games for Minutewomen -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

DeAndre Bembry has career day in win over UMass -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Discussion on Palestine incorporates history as well as recent posters targeting SJP -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass set for season finale in Connecticut -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Imagine Dragons deliver nothing but “Smoke & Mirrors” on their second album. -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass student files federal civil rights lawsuit against Amherst police officers after ‘Blarney’ arrest -

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

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Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse

It’s no doubt that zombies, with their rotting flesh and tendencies to devour human brains, are considered to be popular among some groups in today’s society.

With video games, movies and books dedicated to the lore of the undead, it is clear they have made a significant impact. The stories generally revolve around the same concept – the living dead have occupied the Earth and survivors band together in hope of survival. This common storyline has appealed to some who believe they would enjoy this scenario and be able to survive. Most that make this claim are lying or would quickly change their mind should they actually be placed in this position. In a hypothetical situation, there would be no winners.

For clarity, this article will use the concept of the slow-moving zombies with death from a bite, as opposed to one spread by a virus. More recent outings of zombie lore tend to favor running zombies and an infection that zombifies the person almost immediately. These changes are purely aesthetic and only really pack in a fear factor. True, the whole concept is difficult enough to believe as it is and probably won’t ever happen, but this article will consider the possibility.

Killing old friends

Unless you happen to be a total sociopath, the concept of slaughtering hundreds of zombies should eventually become a living nightmare after a while.

Sure, the idea of decapitating someone you hate might have some appeal; but the reality is that for most, this would cause an overwhelming sense of utter despair. Even if they are just a shell of the people they once were, memories flood and reluctance sets in. And that moment of hesitation can mean the difference between a kill and a bite. With death surrounding all sides, good luck keeping sanity.

For the record, I would love to slice up a few zombies with a katana. I believe a good chunk of us want that, just without the end of the world scenario.

Resources

A zombie apocalypse would essentially mean the end of the world. Given how unfit many people are, it’s likely that the zombie hordes would multiply fast, and by the time it’s beyond control, it’s a fight for resources among everyone.

Food expires, especially when power fails. Those who aren’t fast enough to raid stores will be left in the dust. Packaged food will be useless to most unless one is capable of making a fire on the fly, something that generally draws zombies. Planting seeds for fruits and vegetables is time-consuming, and it’s likely that one won’t be in one place long enough to harvest crops.

In the winter, forget it. In other words, have fun finding food.

People

So you’ve planned a complete zombie survival plan if the day should ever come, complete with escape route and weaponry? Good for you. Now where do other people factor into this?

If you’re so good at surviving, there will definitely be others who will as well. So how do these encounters factor? Just like any normal conversation, any encounter with a survivor can go in any direction. Are they trustworthy? Will they be there to steal your items? Should they join you, what then of that plan? It’s not likely they’ll follow your every move. No one ever said rebuilding society was an easy task. Taking the loner route is possible, but honestly, how long would that mentality last?

Fitness

The zombies of this article are of slow-moving abilities. Individually, they don’t prove much of a threat. As a group, especially if blindsided or cornered, there’s a problem. This has been touched upon in modern media, but it still remains a valid point. Among those who claim they could survive, how many actually do physical activity? Being thin means nothing if one doesn’t have the stamina to keep moving. After sleepless nights and constant relocating, fatigue kicks in for all but the most enduring.

Military

There will be no people attempting to save anyone in mass quantity, unless said people are idiots or philanthropists – or there may even be a run-in with the military. With most of the members being in a state of fear and ignorant of the origin of the zombie outbreak, you’re screwed either way. Should they not shoot on sight, chances are you’ll be taken into custody, where you’ll be tested upon and then forced to serve in a community.

When it comes down to it, should you establish a place to survive, a place to thrive, other people will want in. Lawlessness prevails, so be prepared to defend yourself, at least until the military rolls in. If you’re a survivor and you’re found, the military will want everything you have. But if you can fight back against men with combat gear and bulletproof armor, all the power to you.

There are no survivors in a zombie apocalypse. Ultimately, most everyone would fall in one way or another. But could it be fun to an extent? Definitely, especially with guns, explosions and some totally justified carnage. But throw out the plans, throw out the ideas. Should the world become a living hell, we’re all going down.

Tim Jones can be reached at timothyj@student.umass.edu and followed on Twitter @TimJones90.

 

Comments
One Response to “Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse”
  1. Rory says:

    Tim, thanks for highlighting some of the less discussed points of the apocalypse, though I have to say it all sounds pretty pessimistic. Killing friends and potentially other survivors will be a necessity, obviously, so get as psychologically prepared for it out now… also, look into homesteading.

    Join us over at http://www.hopeforzombies.com to continue the discussion!

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