Scrolling Headlines:

Third and 20: Super Bowl recap -

February 14, 2016

UMass hockey swept by Northeastern after 4-2 loss -

February 13, 2016

Upset in Amherst: UMass women’s basketball tops heavily favored St. Bonaventure Saturday at Mullins Center -

February 13, 2016

Local man arrested in drug investigation with 40 bags of heroin in his possession -

February 13, 2016

Cornel West speaks about importance of community at Smith College -

February 13, 2016

UMass women’s lacrosse opens season with 16-5 win over Holy Cross -

February 13, 2016

Just another night at the Mullins Center for UMass hockey -

February 13, 2016

Three-goal second period sinks UMass hockey in defeat against Northeastern -

February 13, 2016

SLIDESHOW: Tyrone Parham Sworn in as Police Chief -

February 12, 2016

UMass men’s lacrosse falls to Army 9-5 in season opener -

February 12, 2016

UMass Police Chief Tyrone Parham ‘optimistic’ as University prepares for Blarney -

February 12, 2016

UMass revises guest policy in advance of ‘Blarney’ weekend -

February 12, 2016

Jabarie Hinds gives UMass men’s basketball a lift in upset win over VCU -

February 11, 2016

UMass men’s basketball overcomes late VCU surge in 69-63 win -

February 11, 2016

Offensive vandalism found in Integrated Learning Center -

February 11, 2016

Nominations for SGA elections will remain open until Feb. 19 -

February 11, 2016

SGA, MassPIRG work together on open source textbook initiative -

February 11, 2016

Civil rights activist Cornel West to speak at Smith College -

February 11, 2016

Uncertainties surround UMass men’s lacrosse as it kicks off season against Army -

February 11, 2016

New face, same old ‘Havoc’: UMass basketball ready to face familiar style of play against VCU -

February 11, 2016

Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse

It’s no doubt that zombies, with their rotting flesh and tendencies to devour human brains, are considered to be popular among some groups in today’s society.

With video games, movies and books dedicated to the lore of the undead, it is clear they have made a significant impact. The stories generally revolve around the same concept – the living dead have occupied the Earth and survivors band together in hope of survival. This common storyline has appealed to some who believe they would enjoy this scenario and be able to survive. Most that make this claim are lying or would quickly change their mind should they actually be placed in this position. In a hypothetical situation, there would be no winners.

For clarity, this article will use the concept of the slow-moving zombies with death from a bite, as opposed to one spread by a virus. More recent outings of zombie lore tend to favor running zombies and an infection that zombifies the person almost immediately. These changes are purely aesthetic and only really pack in a fear factor. True, the whole concept is difficult enough to believe as it is and probably won’t ever happen, but this article will consider the possibility.

Killing old friends

Unless you happen to be a total sociopath, the concept of slaughtering hundreds of zombies should eventually become a living nightmare after a while.

Sure, the idea of decapitating someone you hate might have some appeal; but the reality is that for most, this would cause an overwhelming sense of utter despair. Even if they are just a shell of the people they once were, memories flood and reluctance sets in. And that moment of hesitation can mean the difference between a kill and a bite. With death surrounding all sides, good luck keeping sanity.

For the record, I would love to slice up a few zombies with a katana. I believe a good chunk of us want that, just without the end of the world scenario.

Resources

A zombie apocalypse would essentially mean the end of the world. Given how unfit many people are, it’s likely that the zombie hordes would multiply fast, and by the time it’s beyond control, it’s a fight for resources among everyone.

Food expires, especially when power fails. Those who aren’t fast enough to raid stores will be left in the dust. Packaged food will be useless to most unless one is capable of making a fire on the fly, something that generally draws zombies. Planting seeds for fruits and vegetables is time-consuming, and it’s likely that one won’t be in one place long enough to harvest crops.

In the winter, forget it. In other words, have fun finding food.

People

So you’ve planned a complete zombie survival plan if the day should ever come, complete with escape route and weaponry? Good for you. Now where do other people factor into this?

If you’re so good at surviving, there will definitely be others who will as well. So how do these encounters factor? Just like any normal conversation, any encounter with a survivor can go in any direction. Are they trustworthy? Will they be there to steal your items? Should they join you, what then of that plan? It’s not likely they’ll follow your every move. No one ever said rebuilding society was an easy task. Taking the loner route is possible, but honestly, how long would that mentality last?

Fitness

The zombies of this article are of slow-moving abilities. Individually, they don’t prove much of a threat. As a group, especially if blindsided or cornered, there’s a problem. This has been touched upon in modern media, but it still remains a valid point. Among those who claim they could survive, how many actually do physical activity? Being thin means nothing if one doesn’t have the stamina to keep moving. After sleepless nights and constant relocating, fatigue kicks in for all but the most enduring.

Military

There will be no people attempting to save anyone in mass quantity, unless said people are idiots or philanthropists – or there may even be a run-in with the military. With most of the members being in a state of fear and ignorant of the origin of the zombie outbreak, you’re screwed either way. Should they not shoot on sight, chances are you’ll be taken into custody, where you’ll be tested upon and then forced to serve in a community.

When it comes down to it, should you establish a place to survive, a place to thrive, other people will want in. Lawlessness prevails, so be prepared to defend yourself, at least until the military rolls in. If you’re a survivor and you’re found, the military will want everything you have. But if you can fight back against men with combat gear and bulletproof armor, all the power to you.

There are no survivors in a zombie apocalypse. Ultimately, most everyone would fall in one way or another. But could it be fun to an extent? Definitely, especially with guns, explosions and some totally justified carnage. But throw out the plans, throw out the ideas. Should the world become a living hell, we’re all going down.

Tim Jones can be reached at timothyj@student.umass.edu and followed on Twitter @TimJones90.

 

Comments
One Response to “Why you most likely won’t survive the zombie apocalypse”
  1. Rory says:

    Tim, thanks for highlighting some of the less discussed points of the apocalypse, though I have to say it all sounds pretty pessimistic. Killing friends and potentially other survivors will be a necessity, obviously, so get as psychologically prepared for it out now… also, look into homesteading.

    Join us over at http://www.hopeforzombies.com to continue the discussion!

Leave A Comment