March 30, 2015

Scrolling Headlines:

Hird appointed dean of College of Social and Behavioral Sciences -

Monday, March 30, 2015

UMass women’s lax cruises to 17-7 win over George Mason -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Earl Sweatshirt explores his dark side on great sophomore album -

Monday, March 30, 2015

East Village explosion painful, revealing -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Courtney Barnett offers unique outlook on life on debut album -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Lessons learned from a boy band -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Angela McMahon earns 100th career win in UMass women’s lacrosse’s win over George Mason -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Cornell professor explores education, politics and inequality -

Monday, March 30, 2015

UMass softball swept by St. Joseph’s -

Monday, March 30, 2015

Kendrick Lamar’s ‘To Pimp a Butterfly’ is a wild, unpredictable masterpiece -

Monday, March 30, 2015

UMass baseball falls 8-0 to VCU in series finale -

Monday, March 30, 2015

UMass men’s lacrosse’s win streak snapped in battle with No. 18 Towson -

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Closing arguments presented, jury deliberations begin Friday in first of four 2012 gang rape trials -

Friday, March 27, 2015

UMass library opens groundbreaking 3D printing lab -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Defendant in 2012 gang rape case says accuser consented to sex -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

For the love of the craft: UMass Juggling Club -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

UMass lacrosse looks for fourth straight victory versus Towson -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

The dark, twisty special on Robert Durst proves that, yet again, humanity’s biggest “Jinx” is hubris -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Law and order, UMass style -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Hillel fails to represent all Jewish students -

Thursday, March 26, 2015

A Bond Among Men

Women adore him, bad guys are always trying to kill him, and the world depends on him.

Wikimedia Commons

Since 1953, no spy has quite captured cool like author Ian Fleming’s character of James Bond. Many actors have played him. Some even made him immortal, like Sean Connery, who gave Bond a timeless eloquence.

The most recent Bond to order a martini shaken as opposed to stirred, Daniel Craig, made him more human. Whoever has played him; there is much that James Bond can teach the modern man.

How to woo a woman

One of Bond’s greatest weaknesses is his penchant for women, who are portrayed in Bond films to like dangerous men. As a man of action, Bond does not mince words; how could he when he is too busy out-smarting international villains and disarming bombs left and right? Women like a man of mystery because the allure of a secret goes a long way.

That being said, heed the following advice: Always leave abruptly without giving much of an explanation. When inevitably you are asked for an explanation, respond by slowly lighting a cigarette and saying something like “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

Women, according to the Bond films, also love a man who can save the world from impending doom. So if you have the time, try to bust a couple international drug rings or disarm a bomb seconds before it explodes.

Invest in cool gadgets

Agent Q decked Bond out with a variety of new age gadgets, courtesy of MI6, to carry out his missions. You may not encounter the type of nefarious henchman and life-threatening scenarios that 007 handles with nerves of steel and ease, but a watch with a laser embedded in it could come in handy.

Who knows, the next time a lady friend asks for a light, you have your watch laser.

A pen with sleeping gas in it would be great for the times when someone is talking too loud in the library. No longer will your haven of silence be disturbed by phrases like “Want to see a picture of my cat wearing a birthday hat?” or “No dude, Abraham Lincoln was a total bro, he killed vampires.”  You should definitely invest in a pen with sleeping gas and a laser watch.

What to wear

Always impeccably dressed, Bond has a commanding presence. Could it be the confidence gained from an immaculately tailored suit, sometimes dinner jacket and appropriately sized lapels? Probably, and this confidence can be yours too.

Classically dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and dark tie combination, you can pick up some of Bond’s stacked sartorial swagger. A crisp white pocket square tops it off. This suit combination does just as well to gain the respect of an international criminal as well make a good impression for an interview, and both are deadly serious.

Bond also has the knack for having streamlined and masculine outerwear. Who apprehends a villain in a puffer jacket? A beat up field jacket or leather jacket would do the trick. Nerves of steel keep Bond cool during these dangerous encounters, he may have been sweating bullets, but we’ll never know do to the unimpeachable tailoring.

Whether you are playing a high-stakes game of black jack with some of the world’s most dangerous men, or waiting for an interview, take a page out of Bond’s book and have unshakable nerves of steel. If not, go for a fantastically tailored suit, which is basically the same thing.

Ryan Ford can be reached at rcfor0@student.umass.edu

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