November 23, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Micheletto apologizes to fans, aims to regroup following 11-1 loss -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Vermont throttles UMass hockey 11-1 -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

UMass guard Trey Davis: ‘There’s a lot coming at me right now’ -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

UMass ‘big four’ neutralized by Notre Dame in 81-68 loss -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

UMass basketball can’t corral Grant, Irish in 81-68 loss -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Frustration haunts Minutemen in 5-3 loss to Boston College -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

UMass hockey drops 5-3 decision to No. 12 Boston College Friday night -

Saturday, November 22, 2014

UMass hockey prepares for nationally ranked Hockey East foes BC, Vermont -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Food scientist proposes way to improve health via breast milk -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons shine in ‘Whiplash’ -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Masculinity: A feminist’s perspective -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

UMass women’s basketball uses size and speed en route to its first win against Maine -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Why Melissa McBride is the best actor on television -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

‘Gienie’ in a bottle: Patriots, Browns, and Seahawks highlight week 12 picks -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

UMass women’s basketball secures first victory of the season against Maine -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Revisiting ‘The Hobbit’ trilogy as the final installment looms -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Establishing the rules of classroom attendance -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

UMass hockey’s Troy Power reflects as his 100th career game approaches -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Sophomore swimmer Meriza Werenski excelling in increased role -

Thursday, November 20, 2014

SGA senator plans survey on bigotry -

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

A Bond Among Men

Women adore him, bad guys are always trying to kill him, and the world depends on him.

Wikimedia Commons

Since 1953, no spy has quite captured cool like author Ian Fleming’s character of James Bond. Many actors have played him. Some even made him immortal, like Sean Connery, who gave Bond a timeless eloquence.

The most recent Bond to order a martini shaken as opposed to stirred, Daniel Craig, made him more human. Whoever has played him; there is much that James Bond can teach the modern man.

How to woo a woman

One of Bond’s greatest weaknesses is his penchant for women, who are portrayed in Bond films to like dangerous men. As a man of action, Bond does not mince words; how could he when he is too busy out-smarting international villains and disarming bombs left and right? Women like a man of mystery because the allure of a secret goes a long way.

That being said, heed the following advice: Always leave abruptly without giving much of an explanation. When inevitably you are asked for an explanation, respond by slowly lighting a cigarette and saying something like “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

Women, according to the Bond films, also love a man who can save the world from impending doom. So if you have the time, try to bust a couple international drug rings or disarm a bomb seconds before it explodes.

Invest in cool gadgets

Agent Q decked Bond out with a variety of new age gadgets, courtesy of MI6, to carry out his missions. You may not encounter the type of nefarious henchman and life-threatening scenarios that 007 handles with nerves of steel and ease, but a watch with a laser embedded in it could come in handy.

Who knows, the next time a lady friend asks for a light, you have your watch laser.

A pen with sleeping gas in it would be great for the times when someone is talking too loud in the library. No longer will your haven of silence be disturbed by phrases like “Want to see a picture of my cat wearing a birthday hat?” or “No dude, Abraham Lincoln was a total bro, he killed vampires.”  You should definitely invest in a pen with sleeping gas and a laser watch.

What to wear

Always impeccably dressed, Bond has a commanding presence. Could it be the confidence gained from an immaculately tailored suit, sometimes dinner jacket and appropriately sized lapels? Probably, and this confidence can be yours too.

Classically dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and dark tie combination, you can pick up some of Bond’s stacked sartorial swagger. A crisp white pocket square tops it off. This suit combination does just as well to gain the respect of an international criminal as well make a good impression for an interview, and both are deadly serious.

Bond also has the knack for having streamlined and masculine outerwear. Who apprehends a villain in a puffer jacket? A beat up field jacket or leather jacket would do the trick. Nerves of steel keep Bond cool during these dangerous encounters, he may have been sweating bullets, but we’ll never know do to the unimpeachable tailoring.

Whether you are playing a high-stakes game of black jack with some of the world’s most dangerous men, or waiting for an interview, take a page out of Bond’s book and have unshakable nerves of steel. If not, go for a fantastically tailored suit, which is basically the same thing.

Ryan Ford can be reached at rcfor0@student.umass.edu

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