Scrolling Headlines:

UMass hockey loses ninth straight, falls to No. 9 BU 6-3 -

February 5, 2016

UMass hockey can’t heed coach John Micheletto’s warning in 6-3 loss against BU -

February 5, 2016

Jury convicts Patrick Durocher of rape, assault and battery -

February 5, 2016

UMass student dies Friday morning -

February 5, 2016

Puck Talk: UMass prepares for the Terriers -

February 5, 2016

Third and 20: the Super Bowl -

February 5, 2016

UMass women’s basketball set to take on Fordham at Mullins -

February 4, 2016

UMass investigating alleged misuse of campus resources within Physical Plant -

February 4, 2016

Closing arguments delivered as Patrick Durocher trial moves toward resolution -

February 4, 2016

UMass football announces 30 members to its 2016 recruiting class -

February 4, 2016

Dean’s Beans founder speaks at first MassPIRG meeting of semester -

February 4, 2016

UMass revises guest policy for Super Bowl weekend -

February 4, 2016

UMass graduates are ‘attractive to employers’ -

February 4, 2016

IT to host open forum, discuss new acceptable use and confidentiality policies -

February 4, 2016

Herrell’s hosts event to support Whole Children -

February 4, 2016

UMass police chief hiring procedure involves input from across campus -

February 4, 2016

UMass men’s and women’s track and field set to perform this weekend in preparation for the Atlantic 10 championships -

February 4, 2016

Heather MacLean shines in junior season for UMass track and field -

February 4, 2016

UMass hockey squares off with No. 9 Boston University Friday night -

February 4, 2016

UMass women’s basketball blows lead, loses in overtime -

February 4, 2016

A Bond Among Men

Women adore him, bad guys are always trying to kill him, and the world depends on him.

Wikimedia Commons

Since 1953, no spy has quite captured cool like author Ian Fleming’s character of James Bond. Many actors have played him. Some even made him immortal, like Sean Connery, who gave Bond a timeless eloquence.

The most recent Bond to order a martini shaken as opposed to stirred, Daniel Craig, made him more human. Whoever has played him; there is much that James Bond can teach the modern man.

How to woo a woman

One of Bond’s greatest weaknesses is his penchant for women, who are portrayed in Bond films to like dangerous men. As a man of action, Bond does not mince words; how could he when he is too busy out-smarting international villains and disarming bombs left and right? Women like a man of mystery because the allure of a secret goes a long way.

That being said, heed the following advice: Always leave abruptly without giving much of an explanation. When inevitably you are asked for an explanation, respond by slowly lighting a cigarette and saying something like “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

Women, according to the Bond films, also love a man who can save the world from impending doom. So if you have the time, try to bust a couple international drug rings or disarm a bomb seconds before it explodes.

Invest in cool gadgets

Agent Q decked Bond out with a variety of new age gadgets, courtesy of MI6, to carry out his missions. You may not encounter the type of nefarious henchman and life-threatening scenarios that 007 handles with nerves of steel and ease, but a watch with a laser embedded in it could come in handy.

Who knows, the next time a lady friend asks for a light, you have your watch laser.

A pen with sleeping gas in it would be great for the times when someone is talking too loud in the library. No longer will your haven of silence be disturbed by phrases like “Want to see a picture of my cat wearing a birthday hat?” or “No dude, Abraham Lincoln was a total bro, he killed vampires.”  You should definitely invest in a pen with sleeping gas and a laser watch.

What to wear

Always impeccably dressed, Bond has a commanding presence. Could it be the confidence gained from an immaculately tailored suit, sometimes dinner jacket and appropriately sized lapels? Probably, and this confidence can be yours too.

Classically dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and dark tie combination, you can pick up some of Bond’s stacked sartorial swagger. A crisp white pocket square tops it off. This suit combination does just as well to gain the respect of an international criminal as well make a good impression for an interview, and both are deadly serious.

Bond also has the knack for having streamlined and masculine outerwear. Who apprehends a villain in a puffer jacket? A beat up field jacket or leather jacket would do the trick. Nerves of steel keep Bond cool during these dangerous encounters, he may have been sweating bullets, but we’ll never know do to the unimpeachable tailoring.

Whether you are playing a high-stakes game of black jack with some of the world’s most dangerous men, or waiting for an interview, take a page out of Bond’s book and have unshakable nerves of steel. If not, go for a fantastically tailored suit, which is basically the same thing.

Ryan Ford can be reached at rcfor0@student.umass.edu

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