July 25, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Chiarelli: Sam Koch’s impact evident in those who knew him best -

Monday, July 21, 2014

Longtime UMass men’s soccer coach Sam Koch dies after two-year battle with sinus cancer -

Monday, July 21, 2014

Southwest evacuated after gas leak -

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

UMass Rowing finishes NCAA Championships, ends year ranked No. 21 in the nation -

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Two UMass basketball alums to compete for a lofty prize in The Basketball Tournament -

Friday, May 23, 2014

Commencement Photos 2014 -

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Two arrested in relation to series of vandalism -

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Students push for relocation of the Center for Counseling and Psychological Health -

Monday, May 12, 2014

Video: No. 14 UMass WLAX ends season in loss to Loyola (MD) -

Saturday, May 10, 2014

No. 14 UMass women’s lacrosse season ends in loss to Loyola (MD) -

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Sixth inning rally propels UMass past Dayton 7-2 -

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

McMahon, Ferris and McGovern: Not your usual transfer story -

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Women’s lacrosse defeats Richmond 10-6 to win sixth straight A-10 Championship -

Sunday, May 4, 2014

No. 13 UMass women’s lacrosse knocks off Duquesne 16-3 to reach Atlantic 10 finals -

Friday, May 2, 2014

UMass one of 55 schools currently facing investigation over handling of sexual assault cases -

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Two thefts reported at library -

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Senior Columns 2013-2014 -

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

UMass Dining proposes major meal plan changes -

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

UMass baseball beats UConn for first time since 2007 -

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

MTV’s seemingly controversial new show proves to be ‘Faking It’ -

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Bond Among Men

Women adore him, bad guys are always trying to kill him, and the world depends on him.

Wikimedia Commons

Since 1953, no spy has quite captured cool like author Ian Fleming’s character of James Bond. Many actors have played him. Some even made him immortal, like Sean Connery, who gave Bond a timeless eloquence.

The most recent Bond to order a martini shaken as opposed to stirred, Daniel Craig, made him more human. Whoever has played him; there is much that James Bond can teach the modern man.

How to woo a woman

One of Bond’s greatest weaknesses is his penchant for women, who are portrayed in Bond films to like dangerous men. As a man of action, Bond does not mince words; how could he when he is too busy out-smarting international villains and disarming bombs left and right? Women like a man of mystery because the allure of a secret goes a long way.

That being said, heed the following advice: Always leave abruptly without giving much of an explanation. When inevitably you are asked for an explanation, respond by slowly lighting a cigarette and saying something like “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

Women, according to the Bond films, also love a man who can save the world from impending doom. So if you have the time, try to bust a couple international drug rings or disarm a bomb seconds before it explodes.

Invest in cool gadgets

Agent Q decked Bond out with a variety of new age gadgets, courtesy of MI6, to carry out his missions. You may not encounter the type of nefarious henchman and life-threatening scenarios that 007 handles with nerves of steel and ease, but a watch with a laser embedded in it could come in handy.

Who knows, the next time a lady friend asks for a light, you have your watch laser.

A pen with sleeping gas in it would be great for the times when someone is talking too loud in the library. No longer will your haven of silence be disturbed by phrases like “Want to see a picture of my cat wearing a birthday hat?” or “No dude, Abraham Lincoln was a total bro, he killed vampires.”  You should definitely invest in a pen with sleeping gas and a laser watch.

What to wear

Always impeccably dressed, Bond has a commanding presence. Could it be the confidence gained from an immaculately tailored suit, sometimes dinner jacket and appropriately sized lapels? Probably, and this confidence can be yours too.

Classically dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and dark tie combination, you can pick up some of Bond’s stacked sartorial swagger. A crisp white pocket square tops it off. This suit combination does just as well to gain the respect of an international criminal as well make a good impression for an interview, and both are deadly serious.

Bond also has the knack for having streamlined and masculine outerwear. Who apprehends a villain in a puffer jacket? A beat up field jacket or leather jacket would do the trick. Nerves of steel keep Bond cool during these dangerous encounters, he may have been sweating bullets, but we’ll never know do to the unimpeachable tailoring.

Whether you are playing a high-stakes game of black jack with some of the world’s most dangerous men, or waiting for an interview, take a page out of Bond’s book and have unshakable nerves of steel. If not, go for a fantastically tailored suit, which is basically the same thing.

Ryan Ford can be reached at rcfor0@student.umass.edu

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