Dec. 21, 2012: A playlist for the apocalypse
It’s almost Dec. 21, 2012, and marking the final day of the Mayan calendar comes the end of the world. While most people are out looting, fighting or attempting to flee their fate, why not sit back and put a soundtrack to this once in a lifetime opportunity?
“Blinded by the Light” — Bruce Springsteen
Maybe it was an alien attack. Maybe a nuke, or a lightning storm, or a divine power, but inarguably the end of days will include a bright light, and there’s a good chance it will be blinding. Throw on some shades and think back to this inspirational 1970s hit by “The Boss” himself and know that this isn’t the first time the light has been too bright.
“I Wish” — Skee-Lo
With your home demolished, your dreams scattered and your entire world literally being torn to pieces, you’re probably in some kind of denial. It’s OK, it’s normal. It’s the first stage of grief, and it happens to everyone. Check out this classic, upbeat ‘90s hip-hop song for a quick pick me up and while you might not particularly care if you were “a little bit taller,” “a baller” or had a “rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ’64 Impala,” it’s still nice to feel a connection with someone else who wishes their situation was different.
“Put the Fire Out” —The Colourist
This obscure and upbeat indie song will keep you on your toes and wishing you had a fire hose to put out those inevitable end of the world fires. So heed the advice, and don’t let the old flame take over.
“Erase Me” — Kid Cudi
While it may seem insensitive, being erased is exactly what is happening to you and everyone else on the planet right now. While Kid Cudi may have been talking about an old flame of love, the message is still valid with the new flames of destruction going on around you.
“Kill Everybody” — Skrillex
Most likely the theme song of the aliens attacking, you can faintly hear this song playing whenever you’re close to one of their ships. Pretty soon you begin to wonder if dubstep was a human invention, or a musical extraterrestrial forewarning of the end of days to come. But that doesn’t matter now, and all you can do is hope your love of wub wubs will win you points when the aliens do finally capture you. Maybe they’ll be impressed with your dubstep beat boxing. Or maybe they have ears.
“Stairway to Heaven” — Led Zepplin
What better way to sing your way to salvation than alongside the legendary Led Zepplin. Maybe you hear this playing as an ode to the good old days, or by some kind of Jimmy Page worshipping religious group, but it’s guaranteed you’ll hear it at one point during the end of days.
“Excuses” — The Morning Benders
You’re past the point of denial, and now into the stage of bargaining. You’re making plenty of excuses for why the world is ending, but none are your fault. It was the wars. It was the aliens’ decisions. You had no choice to live your life any other way, it was peer pressure. You just want out. You’ll do anything, pay anything. Maybe you’ll even offer to play this wonderful piece by The Morning Benders in payment for a new life on a different planet. Really, you’ll do anything.
“Lessons Learned” — Matt and Kim
You’ve accepted the outcome of the end of the world, and you’re ready to let go. Thinking back on the actions of the human race in the past — consisting wars, greed, littering, years of fast food consumption, etc. — you realize that maybe the people of the world had it coming to them, and like Matt and Kim in this catchy indie tune, you’re ready to learn from your mistakes. Just in time to pay for them.
“A Movie Script Ending” — Death Cab for Cutie
It’s over, it’s done. The end of days is lighting up the skyline in a plethora of beautifully disastrous colors and you realize that this is the end of your story. What better way to end this movie of your life than with a classic Death Cab hit of a similar name. Every story needs a song to end the credits on, and this is the one. Sit back and shut your eyes while you listen to this song, and enjoy the tingling sensation of acid rain on your skin.
It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) — R.E.M.
Predicting the end of the world, and accepting the situation for what it is. Well, I think this one can speak for itself.
Justin Surgent can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org