November 1, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Front to Back: Week of Oct. 27, 2014 -

Friday, October 31, 2014

Blog Post: What the FAC -

Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Special Issue -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UM alumni hopeful for their up-and-coming snowboard company -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass hockey looks to end road trip on a high note with weekend series against Maine -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

#WrongDoor: Why I am not surprised? -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

B-horror films: hits and misses of the nightmare genre -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Appreciating campus workers -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass hosts Ebola panel to address concerns of the public -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass Democrats hope to get more students connected -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The broke college student horror comic buyers guide -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass Republican Club: Not just for Republicans -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

To live and die and live again -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Five reasons why Halloween is the best holiday -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The anatomy of a horror game -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Berger has first shot at securing starting role with UMass basketball -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Robert Johnson’s deal with the devil -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Humans vs. Zombies: UMass’ most dangerous game -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Group Halloween costumes inspired by the roles of Hollywood icons -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

A haunting at UMass -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

Can we have Dave Brubeck back, please?

Zac Bears

 

Dearest Santa Clause,

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you get me my BeDazzler (as seen on TV) now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

Love your friend,

Mitchell Dante Scuzzarella

 

Dear non-existent Santa,

Please bring Christopher Hitchens back from the dead. I bet he would mock you.

Nikhil

 

Dear Santa,

Why do all my toys say made in China? I guess even you can’t abstain from the allure of cheap labor. Oink oink you capitalist pig.

Love,

Josh

 

Dear Santa,

Please don’t let it snow this year. I will even change my last name if you follow through with this wish of mine.

With love, from your son,

Taylor Snow

 

 

Flickr/vortistic

Dear Collegian,

Thanks for the letters guys. No matter what happens in the world, you guys always take a break from reporting and writing to send me your wishes. I’m not sure if you guys are lazy, or just filled with holiday cheer.

Or, maybe, you’re just greedy.

I understand things have been tough on campus. What’s with that construction stuff? It reminds me of the great North Pole makeover of ’86. You’ll never guess how many elves went on strike that year (and yes, to clear up any rumors, elves up here can unionize. They’re just filled with so much holiday cheer that they choose not to).

I’m not sure how you guys can be so grumpy this year. Just think about it. You’ve got Steve and Steve being all happy and cheery all the time – they’re almost never negative. You got that kid from Lowell who excitedly talks about anything and everything when he’s not doing his layout. There’s that choir girl who laughs about everything. And BP3. BP3, everybody. How can you be discouraged, depressed or feeling down when you’ve got that auburn-haired boss walking around?

Collegianites, look, just try and find the Upside of the Downside, OK? You need to look deep within yourselves and find that Collegiance that you’re always hearing about. Remember to give 107 percent whenever you can. If you do that, you’ll get everything you want for Christmas (or your holiday of choice).

Happy Holidays!

-Santa

PS – Tell that thief to give back the boxers, the heart medication and the pepperonis, please.

Santa Claus left town after the Merry Maple celebration so he can no longer be reached in Amherst. He can now only be reached at the North Pole.

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