March 5, 2015

Scrolling Headlines:

Sloppy second half plagues UMass in 65-53 loss to Richmond on Senior Night -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

RSO brings concepts to life through dance -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

The Underwoods deal with a dwindling hand of ‘Cards’ in an exciting, topical season -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Chris Kyle: An American hero -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Ballot question asks for increased student health fee to hire new CCPH staff -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

‘Parks and Recreation’ goes out on a good, if familiar, note -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Why opinion journalism matters -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

UMass to retire Calipari jersey -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

‘Hot Tub Time Machine 2′ a disappointing comedy sequel -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

UMass opens season against Kentucky -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Opportunity knocks for UMass hockey -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Ludacris finalized as third performer at ‘Bring the Spring!’ concert -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Minutewomen advance to A-10 second round -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Offensive woes frustrate UMass in loss to Richmond -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Minutewomen enter tough weekend schedule -

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Video monitoring equipment installed throughout Amherst in preparation for ‘Blarney’ -

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Professor Neil Forbes receives $1.56 million grant to develop cancer-killing Salmonella -

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

UMass, Trey Davis ready for Richmond and Kendall Anthony -

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Milan Fashion Week mixes the old with the new -

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Smartphone surge following historic net neutrality decision shows relationship between technology and consumers -

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

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Drink Orders Guaranteed to Get a Reaction

Editor’s Note: The Massachusetts Daily Collegian does not approve of profane and sexist language. While our staff and editors acknowledge that certain drinks have developed sexist nicknames, this article in no way endorses directing that kind of language toward anyone.

Turning 21 opens anyone up to the world of bars, properly mixed drinks and a wide array of cleverly named cocktails to order from a most likely less than enthused bartender. After making 10 Woo-Woo’s for 21st birthday parties, the bartenders in the area are now likely craving some new, witty and slightly crass drinks to conjure up for the bar’s crowd. Here’s a list of some inappropriate drink titles that are almost certain to get a laugh, or at least a chortle, from the local bartender and your drinking cohorts.

una_pan/Flickr

Sex On The Beach

A traditional cocktail ordered on one’s 21st birthday, nothing shouts “I’m legal!” quite like this mix of vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juices. Sex on the Beach usually makes for one extraordinarily sweet drink. A favorite for individuals who don’t like the taste of alcohol and are trying to make the cute bartender blush, this drink is a classic and flirtatious order.

Red-Headed Slut

The red-headed slut is a deceptively sweet shot with a prominently peachy aftertaste. Go order the shot, and get your mind out of the gutter. Made with Jagermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, this shot is a crowd pleaser for anyone who likes Jager or sugary drinks.

Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall

Derived from popular vodka and orange juice cocktail, the Screwdriver, the Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall adds a series of liqueurs to this standard base drink. Sloe gin (a sweet, plum-flavored liqueur), Southern Comfort and the licorice-flavored Galliano are added to the vodka and orange juice, making the cocktail quite a bit stronger than its compatriot and quite a bit sweeter too. Ordering this drink is more about the comedic delivery of the request than about enjoying the drink. A completely straight-face and deadpan intonation is likely to yield a satisfying eyebrow raise from the bartender.

151 Canadian Vampires Hypnotized by the Hamburglar in a Cherry Red Corvette

Admittedly, it would take a special bartender to know this drink. So, if you don’t get thrown out of the bar immediately after ordering it, you should probably tip your bartender over 50 percent. This incredibly boozy recipe is spelled out in its complicated name: an ounce of Bacardi 151, an ounce of Canadian blended whiskey, an ounce of Hpnotiq and an ounce of cherry-flavored vodka. While no bartender in his or her right mind would make you this drink, telling the 21st birthday boy or girl to order one might lead to a YouTube worthy video of his or her efforts. Results of hilarity not guaranteed.

Allie Connell can be reached at aconn0@student.umass.edu

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