September 3, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

UMass holds world’s largest clambake -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Pair of UMass seniors set to increase leadership after Koch’s passing -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Remembering Robin Williams -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Racism after dark: Violence in the ‘sundown town’ of Ferguson -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Integrative Learning Center opens for fall semester -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

UMass looks to repeat success despite daunting schedule -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

A fresh start for Blue Wall -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

#BlackLivesMatter: The irony behind ‘Black-on-Black’ crime -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Advertising is all around us, with the help of Big Brother’s data -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Four albums that rocked the summer -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The sad decline of the American music festival -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

US and allies must eliminate ISIS -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Apple prepares to unveil iPhone 6 -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

UMass field hockey must fill void left by seven graduating seniors -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Seasonal brews and bottles -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

UMass women’s soccer drops home opener -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ is the perfect blend of comedy, superheroes and sci-fi -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Why the media doesn’t handle depression well -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Rao: ‘I like to call myself a walking paradox’ -

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

BC’s methodical rushing attack wears UMass down -

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Drink Orders Guaranteed to Get a Reaction

Editor’s Note: The Massachusetts Daily Collegian does not approve of profane and sexist language. While our staff and editors acknowledge that certain drinks have developed sexist nicknames, this article in no way endorses directing that kind of language toward anyone.

Turning 21 opens anyone up to the world of bars, properly mixed drinks and a wide array of cleverly named cocktails to order from a most likely less than enthused bartender. After making 10 Woo-Woo’s for 21st birthday parties, the bartenders in the area are now likely craving some new, witty and slightly crass drinks to conjure up for the bar’s crowd. Here’s a list of some inappropriate drink titles that are almost certain to get a laugh, or at least a chortle, from the local bartender and your drinking cohorts.

una_pan/Flickr

Sex On The Beach

A traditional cocktail ordered on one’s 21st birthday, nothing shouts “I’m legal!” quite like this mix of vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juices. Sex on the Beach usually makes for one extraordinarily sweet drink. A favorite for individuals who don’t like the taste of alcohol and are trying to make the cute bartender blush, this drink is a classic and flirtatious order.

Red-Headed Slut

The red-headed slut is a deceptively sweet shot with a prominently peachy aftertaste. Go order the shot, and get your mind out of the gutter. Made with Jagermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, this shot is a crowd pleaser for anyone who likes Jager or sugary drinks.

Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall

Derived from popular vodka and orange juice cocktail, the Screwdriver, the Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall adds a series of liqueurs to this standard base drink. Sloe gin (a sweet, plum-flavored liqueur), Southern Comfort and the licorice-flavored Galliano are added to the vodka and orange juice, making the cocktail quite a bit stronger than its compatriot and quite a bit sweeter too. Ordering this drink is more about the comedic delivery of the request than about enjoying the drink. A completely straight-face and deadpan intonation is likely to yield a satisfying eyebrow raise from the bartender.

151 Canadian Vampires Hypnotized by the Hamburglar in a Cherry Red Corvette

Admittedly, it would take a special bartender to know this drink. So, if you don’t get thrown out of the bar immediately after ordering it, you should probably tip your bartender over 50 percent. This incredibly boozy recipe is spelled out in its complicated name: an ounce of Bacardi 151, an ounce of Canadian blended whiskey, an ounce of Hpnotiq and an ounce of cherry-flavored vodka. While no bartender in his or her right mind would make you this drink, telling the 21st birthday boy or girl to order one might lead to a YouTube worthy video of his or her efforts. Results of hilarity not guaranteed.

Allie Connell can be reached at aconn0@student.umass.edu

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