August 28, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

UMass crime alerts reveal reports of lewd acts -

Friday, August 22, 2014

UMass women’s soccer hopes added depth brings more consistency in 2014 -

Friday, August 22, 2014

UMass mourns death of alumnus and journalist James Foley -

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Kassan Messiah, Trey Seals to shoulder pass rushing responsibility for UMass football -

Thursday, August 21, 2014

UMass names Blake Frohnapfel as the starting quarterback -

Monday, August 18, 2014

Decision looms for Mark Whipple as UMass football looks to name starting quarterback -

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Former UMass star Marcel Shipp overseeing a strong running back competition -

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Former UMass basketball star Chaz Williams signs professional contract in Turkey, still eyeing NBA career -

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Minutemen anxious to display aggressive defense -

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

UMass football turns the page, excited for 2014 season -

Monday, August 4, 2014

UMass student struck and killed by vehicle Thursday night -

Friday, August 1, 2014

UMass receives anonymous $10.3 million gift -

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

UMass football summer coverage 2014 -

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Chiarelli: Sam Koch’s impact evident in those who knew him best -

Monday, July 21, 2014

Longtime UMass men’s soccer coach Sam Koch dies after two-year battle with sinus cancer -

Monday, July 21, 2014

Southwest evacuated after gas leak -

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

UMass Rowing finishes NCAA Championships, ends year ranked No. 21 in the nation -

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Two UMass basketball alums to compete for a lofty prize in The Basketball Tournament -

Friday, May 23, 2014

Commencement Photos 2014 -

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Two arrested in relation to series of vandalism -

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Drink Orders Guaranteed to Get a Reaction

Editor’s Note: The Massachusetts Daily Collegian does not approve of profane and sexist language. While our staff and editors acknowledge that certain drinks have developed sexist nicknames, this article in no way endorses directing that kind of language toward anyone.

Turning 21 opens anyone up to the world of bars, properly mixed drinks and a wide array of cleverly named cocktails to order from a most likely less than enthused bartender. After making 10 Woo-Woo’s for 21st birthday parties, the bartenders in the area are now likely craving some new, witty and slightly crass drinks to conjure up for the bar’s crowd. Here’s a list of some inappropriate drink titles that are almost certain to get a laugh, or at least a chortle, from the local bartender and your drinking cohorts.

una_pan/Flickr

Sex On The Beach

A traditional cocktail ordered on one’s 21st birthday, nothing shouts “I’m legal!” quite like this mix of vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juices. Sex on the Beach usually makes for one extraordinarily sweet drink. A favorite for individuals who don’t like the taste of alcohol and are trying to make the cute bartender blush, this drink is a classic and flirtatious order.

Red-Headed Slut

The red-headed slut is a deceptively sweet shot with a prominently peachy aftertaste. Go order the shot, and get your mind out of the gutter. Made with Jagermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, this shot is a crowd pleaser for anyone who likes Jager or sugary drinks.

Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall

Derived from popular vodka and orange juice cocktail, the Screwdriver, the Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall adds a series of liqueurs to this standard base drink. Sloe gin (a sweet, plum-flavored liqueur), Southern Comfort and the licorice-flavored Galliano are added to the vodka and orange juice, making the cocktail quite a bit stronger than its compatriot and quite a bit sweeter too. Ordering this drink is more about the comedic delivery of the request than about enjoying the drink. A completely straight-face and deadpan intonation is likely to yield a satisfying eyebrow raise from the bartender.

151 Canadian Vampires Hypnotized by the Hamburglar in a Cherry Red Corvette

Admittedly, it would take a special bartender to know this drink. So, if you don’t get thrown out of the bar immediately after ordering it, you should probably tip your bartender over 50 percent. This incredibly boozy recipe is spelled out in its complicated name: an ounce of Bacardi 151, an ounce of Canadian blended whiskey, an ounce of Hpnotiq and an ounce of cherry-flavored vodka. While no bartender in his or her right mind would make you this drink, telling the 21st birthday boy or girl to order one might lead to a YouTube worthy video of his or her efforts. Results of hilarity not guaranteed.

Allie Connell can be reached at aconn0@student.umass.edu

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