Scrolling Headlines:

UMass football selected to finish fourth in MAC East preseason poll -

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Legislature overrides Baker’s UMass budget cut -

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Report: UMass football’s Todd Stafford arrested Saturday morning in Stamford, Connecticut -

Monday, July 20, 2015

UMass names Molly O’Mara newly-created associate director of athletics for communications and PR -

Monday, July 20, 2015

Baker approves state budget, UMass to receive $5.25 million less than legislature’s proposed figure -

Friday, July 17, 2015

UMass bathroom policy to provide comfort, safety for transgender and non-gender conforming students -

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Long-time UMass professor Normand Berlin, 83, dies -

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

UMass professor and poet James Tate dies at 71 -

Thursday, July 9, 2015

State legislators propose budget, UMass could receive almost $532 million -

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Cause of death determined for UMass student Chloe Malast -

Monday, July 6, 2015

Nick Mariano, Zach Oliveri transferring from UMass men’s lacrosse program -

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Four months after banning Iranian students from certain graduate programs, UMass announces new measures to ensure compliance with U.S. law -

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Justin King sentenced to eight to 12 years in prison -

Monday, June 29, 2015

Two future UMass hockey players selected in 2015 NHL Draft -

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Supreme Court ruling clears way for same-sex marriage nationwide -

Friday, June 26, 2015

Former UMass center Cady Lalanne taken 55th overall by Spurs in 2015 NBA Draft -

Friday, June 26, 2015

Second of four men found guilty on three counts of aggravated rape in 2012 UMass gang rape case -

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Boston bomber speaks out for first time: ‘I am sorry for the lives I have taken’ -

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

King claims sex with woman was consensual during alleged 2012 gang rape -

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Wrongful death suit filed in death of UMass student -

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Drink Orders Guaranteed to Get a Reaction

Editor’s Note: The Massachusetts Daily Collegian does not approve of profane and sexist language. While our staff and editors acknowledge that certain drinks have developed sexist nicknames, this article in no way endorses directing that kind of language toward anyone.

Turning 21 opens anyone up to the world of bars, properly mixed drinks and a wide array of cleverly named cocktails to order from a most likely less than enthused bartender. After making 10 Woo-Woo’s for 21st birthday parties, the bartenders in the area are now likely craving some new, witty and slightly crass drinks to conjure up for the bar’s crowd. Here’s a list of some inappropriate drink titles that are almost certain to get a laugh, or at least a chortle, from the local bartender and your drinking cohorts.

una_pan/Flickr

Sex On The Beach

A traditional cocktail ordered on one’s 21st birthday, nothing shouts “I’m legal!” quite like this mix of vodka, peach schnapps, orange and cranberry juices. Sex on the Beach usually makes for one extraordinarily sweet drink. A favorite for individuals who don’t like the taste of alcohol and are trying to make the cute bartender blush, this drink is a classic and flirtatious order.

Red-Headed Slut

The red-headed slut is a deceptively sweet shot with a prominently peachy aftertaste. Go order the shot, and get your mind out of the gutter. Made with Jagermeister, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, this shot is a crowd pleaser for anyone who likes Jager or sugary drinks.

Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall

Derived from popular vodka and orange juice cocktail, the Screwdriver, the Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall adds a series of liqueurs to this standard base drink. Sloe gin (a sweet, plum-flavored liqueur), Southern Comfort and the licorice-flavored Galliano are added to the vodka and orange juice, making the cocktail quite a bit stronger than its compatriot and quite a bit sweeter too. Ordering this drink is more about the comedic delivery of the request than about enjoying the drink. A completely straight-face and deadpan intonation is likely to yield a satisfying eyebrow raise from the bartender.

151 Canadian Vampires Hypnotized by the Hamburglar in a Cherry Red Corvette

Admittedly, it would take a special bartender to know this drink. So, if you don’t get thrown out of the bar immediately after ordering it, you should probably tip your bartender over 50 percent. This incredibly boozy recipe is spelled out in its complicated name: an ounce of Bacardi 151, an ounce of Canadian blended whiskey, an ounce of Hpnotiq and an ounce of cherry-flavored vodka. While no bartender in his or her right mind would make you this drink, telling the 21st birthday boy or girl to order one might lead to a YouTube worthy video of his or her efforts. Results of hilarity not guaranteed.

Allie Connell can be reached at aconn0@student.umass.edu

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