September 19, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Ed Davis report leaves nobody blameless -

Friday, September 19, 2014

White House starts public awareness drive to prevent sexual attacks on campus -

Friday, September 19, 2014

Work already underway for SGA speaker Sïonan Barrett -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass in for a challenge against Penn State, QB Hackenberg -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Nostalgia and angst abound in ‘Palo Alto’ -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Want student power? End the SGA -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass football kicking situation still undecided, looking forward to opportunity to play at Beaver Stadium -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Lorenzo Woodley finds opportunity after getting lost in the shuffle -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Millennials’ votes can make a difference in all elections -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass faculty member Bonnie Strickland recognized for work in psychology -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass women’s soccer suffers major set back with injury to co-captain Jackie Bruno -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass men’s soccer returns home looking for season’s first win -

Thursday, September 18, 2014

UMass professor Elizabeth Chilton to speak in Madrid and Paris about importance of heritage studies -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

UMass club rugby hopes to continue momentum despite opening loss -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Bizarre foods eaten worldwide -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

US should spend more on space -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Walking through a week of practice with UMass field hockey -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

UMass receives $37.5 million for environmental and sustainability initiatives -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Irish coffee recipe -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

To fight ISIS, US must understand them, not chalk up actions to pure evil -

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Berk goes berserk for butterscotch pudding

Flickr/Random Michelle

Editor’s note: This is a satirical piece. Happy Friday!

A surplus of butterscotch pudding has been the reason for the many happy eaters at the Berkshire Dining Commons. This semester, butterscotch pudding has been happily stocked next to the red cubed gelatin in the refrigerated foods section of Berk.  Delighted college students have been itching to get their hands back on the pudding ever since it came out for a short time last year. Vanilla and chocolate have been doing a good job, but the recent addition of pistachio and butterscotch has brought the diversity of choices to a new, Berk-approved level.

Thought to be a mistake of ordering too much pudding, it turns out the cause of the excess pudding is a plan to give the dining common a more home-like feel.

“Remember when grandma would whip up a batch of butterscotch pudding, and then from her coffee table take the butterscotch hard candies and put them in too?” recalls Dillon Marver, a Berk employee. “It’s just what these wacky kids need after a night of rowdiness, a little lovin’ from a sensible grandmother.”

Successfully, butterscotch pudding is becoming a popular trend with students.

“I try not to eat too much of it” comments Gina Kapner, a sophomore biology major who has never even tried the pudding. “I don’t want to conform with all the people that eat it, but to be honest, sometimes I just do it to look cool.”

She quickly adds, “don’t put that part in the paper, OK?” OK, Gina.

When asked how long the butterscotch binge will last, Berkshire Dining Commons commented that, “it could be another two or three weeks before the fad ends.”

They also hinted that a butterscotch week is in the planning stages.  So get ready for Butterscotch Bonanza, UMass.  I can’t wait to indulge in everyone’s favorite, butterscotch pizza!

Ben Richman is a Collegian contributor. He can be reached at brichman@student.umass.edu.

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