February 28, 2015

Scrolling Headlines:

Report: UMass continues search for new athletic director, DeFilippo not an option -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UPDATE: Police to charge UMass football player with two counts of aggravated assault and battery -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Students for Justice in Palestine, administration react to inflammatory posters -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass falls short, lacks energy in 82-71 loss to Saint Joseph’s -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Drake’s surprise mixtape yields few surprises -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Potential shutdown of the Department of Homeland Security offers chance for Republican legislature to learn from its mistakes -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Winless UMass faces Brown -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Jose Gonzalez returns with graceful “Vestiges & Claws” -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

SGA to host Women’s Leadership Symposium -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass women’s basketball finishes road schedule with matchup against Dayton -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Keystone XL pipeline sparks pollution awareness -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Dartmouth and Fordham to start stretch of key games for Minutewomen -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

DeAndre Bembry has career day in win over UMass -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Discussion on Palestine incorporates history as well as recent posters targeting SJP -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass set for season finale in Connecticut -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Imagine Dragons deliver nothing but “Smoke & Mirrors” on their second album. -

Thursday, February 26, 2015

UMass student files federal civil rights lawsuit against Amherst police officers after ‘Blarney’ arrest -

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

SGA spring elections campaigns kick off -

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

UMass must contain Bembry in rematch with St. Joe’s -

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Chaz Williams returns from his stint overseas, signs contract with Maine Red Claws -

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Advertisement

Berk goes berserk for butterscotch pudding

Flickr/Random Michelle

Editor’s note: This is a satirical piece. Happy Friday!

A surplus of butterscotch pudding has been the reason for the many happy eaters at the Berkshire Dining Commons. This semester, butterscotch pudding has been happily stocked next to the red cubed gelatin in the refrigerated foods section of Berk.  Delighted college students have been itching to get their hands back on the pudding ever since it came out for a short time last year. Vanilla and chocolate have been doing a good job, but the recent addition of pistachio and butterscotch has brought the diversity of choices to a new, Berk-approved level.

Thought to be a mistake of ordering too much pudding, it turns out the cause of the excess pudding is a plan to give the dining common a more home-like feel.

“Remember when grandma would whip up a batch of butterscotch pudding, and then from her coffee table take the butterscotch hard candies and put them in too?” recalls Dillon Marver, a Berk employee. “It’s just what these wacky kids need after a night of rowdiness, a little lovin’ from a sensible grandmother.”

Successfully, butterscotch pudding is becoming a popular trend with students.

“I try not to eat too much of it” comments Gina Kapner, a sophomore biology major who has never even tried the pudding. “I don’t want to conform with all the people that eat it, but to be honest, sometimes I just do it to look cool.”

She quickly adds, “don’t put that part in the paper, OK?” OK, Gina.

When asked how long the butterscotch binge will last, Berkshire Dining Commons commented that, “it could be another two or three weeks before the fad ends.”

They also hinted that a butterscotch week is in the planning stages.  So get ready for Butterscotch Bonanza, UMass.  I can’t wait to indulge in everyone’s favorite, butterscotch pizza!

Ben Richman is a Collegian contributor. He can be reached at brichman@student.umass.edu.

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