Berk goes berserk for butterscotch pudding
Editor’s note: This is a satirical piece. Happy Friday!
A surplus of butterscotch pudding has been the reason for the many happy eaters at the Berkshire Dining Commons. This semester, butterscotch pudding has been happily stocked next to the red cubed gelatin in the refrigerated foods section of Berk. Delighted college students have been itching to get their hands back on the pudding ever since it came out for a short time last year. Vanilla and chocolate have been doing a good job, but the recent addition of pistachio and butterscotch has brought the diversity of choices to a new, Berk-approved level.
Thought to be a mistake of ordering too much pudding, it turns out the cause of the excess pudding is a plan to give the dining common a more home-like feel.
“Remember when grandma would whip up a batch of butterscotch pudding, and then from her coffee table take the butterscotch hard candies and put them in too?” recalls Dillon Marver, a Berk employee. “It’s just what these wacky kids need after a night of rowdiness, a little lovin’ from a sensible grandmother.”
Successfully, butterscotch pudding is becoming a popular trend with students.
“I try not to eat too much of it” comments Gina Kapner, a sophomore biology major who has never even tried the pudding. “I don’t want to conform with all the people that eat it, but to be honest, sometimes I just do it to look cool.”
She quickly adds, “don’t put that part in the paper, OK?” OK, Gina.
When asked how long the butterscotch binge will last, Berkshire Dining Commons commented that, “it could be another two or three weeks before the fad ends.”
They also hinted that a butterscotch week is in the planning stages. So get ready for Butterscotch Bonanza, UMass. I can’t wait to indulge in everyone’s favorite, butterscotch pizza!
Ben Richman is a Collegian contributor. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.