January 26, 2015

Scrolling Headlines:

Paranormal Research Society seeks to uncover the truth about the supernatural -

Monday, January 26, 2015

UMass tops Merrimack 4-1 to cap off successful weekend series -

Monday, January 26, 2015

‘Broad City’s’ second season off to a wickedly funny start -

Monday, January 26, 2015

Students respond to Obama’s State of the Union address -

Monday, January 26, 2015

St. Bonaventure earns tight victory, VCU clinches 11th straight win in Atlantic 10 men’s basketball action -

Monday, January 26, 2015

An open letter to the people who were kind when I was struggling -

Monday, January 26, 2015

UMass club hockey salvages weekend with tie against NYU on Saturday -

Monday, January 26, 2015

2015 Winter TCA’s announce bevy of show returns and new releases -

Monday, January 26, 2015

Brilliant online film archives for cinema lovers -

Monday, January 26, 2015

UMass men’s and women’s track and field teams see mixed results in Joe Donahue Indoor Games -

Monday, January 26, 2015

Steve Mastalerz, defense delivers for UMass hockey -

Monday, January 26, 2015

UMass online graduate programs climb U.S. News & World Report rankings -

Monday, January 26, 2015

Front to Back: Week of Jan. 25, 2015 -

Sunday, January 25, 2015

BLOG: UMass football receives seven verbal commitments -

Sunday, January 25, 2015

UMass plans to fail again with Super Bowl guest policy -

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Special teams play fuels late UMass rally, forces tie -

Saturday, January 24, 2015

BLOG: UMass hires Mark Michaels as special teams coordinator, outside linebackers coach -

Friday, January 23, 2015

Former Tibetan political prisoner overcomes odds in Tibet and the US -

Thursday, January 22, 2015

UMass basketball falls flat in loss to St. Joe’s -

Thursday, January 22, 2015

‘Selma’ resonates with the here and now -

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Click here to visit UMass Dining
Click here to visit UMass Dining

Morning Wood: U2 to perform ‘Blarney’ benefit concert

Morning Wood File Photo

Morning Wood File Photo

This weekend, the ethereal, emotional and empowering notes of timeless songs like “Where the Streets Have No Name,” “With Or Without You” and “Beautiful Day” will ring out across the University of Massachusetts. That’s right, legendary Irish rock band U2 is coming to campus.

Still devastated after the unfathomable tragedies of March 8, “Blarney Blowout,” the University of Massachusetts campus is welcoming with open arms the concert that lead singer Bono promises will “help bring the eyes of the world upon this terrible slight on humanity.”

Citing the shared Irish heritage of both the revelers of Blarney Blowout and the band themselves, Bono announced the show at an emotional press conference. “Of course, every single person at the celebration was Irish, so how could the Edge, Larry, Adam and I ignore this?” Bono asked as he motioned towards his three band mates, who were similarly sober. “These are our brothers and sisters, once I heard about this I knew we had to do something.”

Fully aware of student uproar surrounding the tragedy, Chancellor Kumble R. Subbaswamy exhibited a neutral façade towards the concert. “I am honored that U2 chose to hold a concert on our campus to raise awareness of the students who were affected by this terrible tragedy.” Subbaswamy then added, “Of course, as long as the band realizes that most of the arrests took place off campus, and that the events in no way shape or form reflect the University in any way.”

UMass students were absolutely thrilled for the upcoming concert. “Oh my God, it’s going to be amazing!” said biochemistry major Angie Olson. “I can’t wait to get completely shitfaced and sing along to ‘Beautiful Day’! It’s my favorite song!”

Sports management major Omar Rodriguez-Lopez said “oh my god I’m gonna pregame so hard…” before he turned to his friend and said “dude we should totally f*cking riot during ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday.’ It’ll be f*cking wicked.” Soon after Mr. Rodriguez-Lopez was heard assuring his friends that he is “tight with this guy on the 22nd floor of Kennedy,” and that he could secure sufficient libations for the concert.

U2’s most recent release was the Golden Globe winning single “Ordinary Love,” written as a tribute to the recently deceased Nelson Mandela. Although the song was originally written for one of the most iconic freedom fighters history has ever seen, Bono said that the song “applies just as much to those who fell at Blarney.”

“Mandela bravely fought against an oppressive regime and brutal police. These students also had to face the uncompromising brutality of a regime that wished to suppress their spirit at all cost. So ‘Ordinary Love’ will perfectly fit the atmosphere.”

In a precautionary e-mail sent to the entire student body, Chancellor Subbaswamy warned students of the consequences of alcohol consumption at the event. He also mentioned exactly which fraternity houses and other residential areas would be pre-gaming and serving alcohol, before adding finally, “Whatever you do. Do not go to these areas. Just don’t do it.”

Leave A Comment