Scrolling Headlines:

UMass women’s basketball suffers disappointing loss to St. Bonaventure at Mullins Center Thursday -

January 19, 2017

REPORT: Tom Masella out as defensive coordinator for UMass football -

January 19, 2017

Zach Lewis, bench carry UMass men’s basketball in win over St. Joe’s -

January 19, 2017

UMass women’s basketball handles Duquesne at home -

January 16, 2017

UMass men’s basketball’s late comeback falls short after blowing 15-point first-half lead -

January 15, 2017

UMass hockey outlasted at home against No. 6 UMass Lowell -

January 14, 2017

Hailey Leidel hits second buzzer beater of the season to give UMass women’s basketball win over Davidson -

January 13, 2017

UMass football hosts Maine at Fenway Park in 2017 -

January 12, 2017

UMass men’s basketball snaps losing streak and upsets Dayton Wednesday night at Mullins Center -

January 11, 2017

UMass women’s track and field takes second at Dartmouth Relays -

January 10, 2017

UMass hockey falls to No. 5 Boston University at Frozen Fenway -

January 8, 2017

UMass professor to make third appearance on ‘Jeopardy!’ -

January 8, 2017

UMass women’s basketball suffers brutal loss on road against Saint Joseph’s -

January 7, 2017

UMass men’s basketball drops thirds straight, falls to VCU 81-64 -

January 7, 2017

UMass men’s basketball drops tightly-contested conference matchup against George Mason Wednesday night -

January 4, 2017

Late-game defense preserves UMass women’s basketball’s win against rival Rhode Island -

January 4, 2017

AIC shuts out UMass hockey 3-0 at Mullins Center -

January 4, 2017

UMass professor to appear as contestant on ‘Jeopardy!’ Thursday night -

January 4, 2017

Penalties plague UMass hockey in Mariucci Classic championship game -

January 2, 2017

UMass men’s basketball falls in A-10 opener to St. Bonaventure and its veteran backcourt -

December 30, 2016

Morning Wood: U2 to perform ‘Blarney’ benefit concert

Morning Wood File Photo

Morning Wood File Photo

This weekend, the ethereal, emotional and empowering notes of timeless songs like “Where the Streets Have No Name,” “With Or Without You” and “Beautiful Day” will ring out across the University of Massachusetts. That’s right, legendary Irish rock band U2 is coming to campus.

Still devastated after the unfathomable tragedies of March 8, “Blarney Blowout,” the University of Massachusetts campus is welcoming with open arms the concert that lead singer Bono promises will “help bring the eyes of the world upon this terrible slight on humanity.”

Citing the shared Irish heritage of both the revelers of Blarney Blowout and the band themselves, Bono announced the show at an emotional press conference. “Of course, every single person at the celebration was Irish, so how could the Edge, Larry, Adam and I ignore this?” Bono asked as he motioned towards his three band mates, who were similarly sober. “These are our brothers and sisters, once I heard about this I knew we had to do something.”

Fully aware of student uproar surrounding the tragedy, Chancellor Kumble R. Subbaswamy exhibited a neutral façade towards the concert. “I am honored that U2 chose to hold a concert on our campus to raise awareness of the students who were affected by this terrible tragedy.” Subbaswamy then added, “Of course, as long as the band realizes that most of the arrests took place off campus, and that the events in no way shape or form reflect the University in any way.”

UMass students were absolutely thrilled for the upcoming concert. “Oh my God, it’s going to be amazing!” said biochemistry major Angie Olson. “I can’t wait to get completely shitfaced and sing along to ‘Beautiful Day’! It’s my favorite song!”

Sports management major Omar Rodriguez-Lopez said “oh my god I’m gonna pregame so hard…” before he turned to his friend and said “dude we should totally f*cking riot during ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday.’ It’ll be f*cking wicked.” Soon after Mr. Rodriguez-Lopez was heard assuring his friends that he is “tight with this guy on the 22nd floor of Kennedy,” and that he could secure sufficient libations for the concert.

U2’s most recent release was the Golden Globe winning single “Ordinary Love,” written as a tribute to the recently deceased Nelson Mandela. Although the song was originally written for one of the most iconic freedom fighters history has ever seen, Bono said that the song “applies just as much to those who fell at Blarney.”

“Mandela bravely fought against an oppressive regime and brutal police. These students also had to face the uncompromising brutality of a regime that wished to suppress their spirit at all cost. So ‘Ordinary Love’ will perfectly fit the atmosphere.”

In a precautionary e-mail sent to the entire student body, Chancellor Subbaswamy warned students of the consequences of alcohol consumption at the event. He also mentioned exactly which fraternity houses and other residential areas would be pre-gaming and serving alcohol, before adding finally, “Whatever you do. Do not go to these areas. Just don’t do it.”

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