November 1, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Front to Back: Week of Oct. 27, 2014 -

Friday, October 31, 2014

Blog Post: What the FAC -

Friday, October 31, 2014

Halloween Special Issue -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UM alumni hopeful for their up-and-coming snowboard company -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass hockey looks to end road trip on a high note with weekend series against Maine -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

#WrongDoor: Why I am not surprised? -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

B-horror films: hits and misses of the nightmare genre -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Appreciating campus workers -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass hosts Ebola panel to address concerns of the public -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass Democrats hope to get more students connected -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The broke college student horror comic buyers guide -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

UMass Republican Club: Not just for Republicans -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

To live and die and live again -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Five reasons why Halloween is the best holiday -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

The anatomy of a horror game -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Berger has first shot at securing starting role with UMass basketball -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Robert Johnson’s deal with the devil -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Humans vs. Zombies: UMass’ most dangerous game -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Group Halloween costumes inspired by the roles of Hollywood icons -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

A haunting at UMass -

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Morning Wood: U2 to perform ‘Blarney’ benefit concert

Morning Wood File Photo

Morning Wood File Photo

This weekend, the ethereal, emotional and empowering notes of timeless songs like “Where the Streets Have No Name,” “With Or Without You” and “Beautiful Day” will ring out across the University of Massachusetts. That’s right, legendary Irish rock band U2 is coming to campus.

Still devastated after the unfathomable tragedies of March 8, “Blarney Blowout,” the University of Massachusetts campus is welcoming with open arms the concert that lead singer Bono promises will “help bring the eyes of the world upon this terrible slight on humanity.”

Citing the shared Irish heritage of both the revelers of Blarney Blowout and the band themselves, Bono announced the show at an emotional press conference. “Of course, every single person at the celebration was Irish, so how could the Edge, Larry, Adam and I ignore this?” Bono asked as he motioned towards his three band mates, who were similarly sober. “These are our brothers and sisters, once I heard about this I knew we had to do something.”

Fully aware of student uproar surrounding the tragedy, Chancellor Kumble R. Subbaswamy exhibited a neutral façade towards the concert. “I am honored that U2 chose to hold a concert on our campus to raise awareness of the students who were affected by this terrible tragedy.” Subbaswamy then added, “Of course, as long as the band realizes that most of the arrests took place off campus, and that the events in no way shape or form reflect the University in any way.”

UMass students were absolutely thrilled for the upcoming concert. “Oh my God, it’s going to be amazing!” said biochemistry major Angie Olson. “I can’t wait to get completely shitfaced and sing along to ‘Beautiful Day’! It’s my favorite song!”

Sports management major Omar Rodriguez-Lopez said “oh my god I’m gonna pregame so hard…” before he turned to his friend and said “dude we should totally f*cking riot during ‘Sunday Bloody Sunday.’ It’ll be f*cking wicked.” Soon after Mr. Rodriguez-Lopez was heard assuring his friends that he is “tight with this guy on the 22nd floor of Kennedy,” and that he could secure sufficient libations for the concert.

U2’s most recent release was the Golden Globe winning single “Ordinary Love,” written as a tribute to the recently deceased Nelson Mandela. Although the song was originally written for one of the most iconic freedom fighters history has ever seen, Bono said that the song “applies just as much to those who fell at Blarney.”

“Mandela bravely fought against an oppressive regime and brutal police. These students also had to face the uncompromising brutality of a regime that wished to suppress their spirit at all cost. So ‘Ordinary Love’ will perfectly fit the atmosphere.”

In a precautionary e-mail sent to the entire student body, Chancellor Subbaswamy warned students of the consequences of alcohol consumption at the event. He also mentioned exactly which fraternity houses and other residential areas would be pre-gaming and serving alcohol, before adding finally, “Whatever you do. Do not go to these areas. Just don’t do it.”

Leave A Comment