I love gowns and tuxes, but I hate stuffy parties, which is why the Golden Globes are my absolute favorite awards show. It’s laid back and people laugh, but everyone is decked out. Totally my style of bash; however, I didn’t get to go this year. The Style File invitation/press pass must have been lost in the shuffle of me moving from my dorm back home. It’s a shame, but worry not, I still watched it like everyone else… on my little 13-inch television, pen and paper in hand.
I pre-gamed with the E! Golden Globes Pre-Show, hosted by two of my least favorite people… the Rivers Women – Joan and Melissa. I cannot stand back stabbers – they act so effusive and star struck when they see everyone on the red carpet, but as soon as Saturday rolls around, they trash everyone during their Fashion Review.
The place was glittering, full of Old Hollywood style with women in long gowns and men looking dashing in tuxedos. Strapless gowns were the look of this awards show for women, with many women opting for pink and black. Men were ditching the traditional bow tie for a long tie. I do feel bad for guys though – they have limited fashion opportunity during black tie… but it’s hard for them to go wrong, as tuxes look great on all guys.
Worst Facial Hair – Tom Hanks. Last year he had that nasty beard that he grew for Cast Away, and now this year he shows up with an evil little caterpillar mustache. I’m hoping it’s for a new role he has, but seriously… ew!
Worst Dye Job – Freddie Prinze Jr. I love Freddie Prinze Jr.; he’s cute, he’s charming and he stars in all those cheesy romantic comedies I so love… therefore I was absolutely crushed when he arrived at the awards show sporting a very brassy peroxide job. He’s loaded, and I could have done a better job for him at a sink in my dorm. Sad, very sad. However, he did redeem himself with his outfit, which was a black tux, black shirt and light pink tie… I thought it looked great. It was modern and different from what others were wearing.
Worst Portrayal of Rags – Sarah Jessica Parker. People have looked good in rags before – Cinderella, Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady – but S.J.P. does not make it to the list. While I loved the color of her light pink strapless sarong, she had to keep pulling it up and holding it together as she walked. Seems like she could afford a safety pin. And what was with the weird Hawaiian lei or whatever she hung on the side of it?
Worst Use of a Safety Pin – Charlize Theron. So Sarah Jessica Parker couldn’t afford a safety pin? Well Charlize Theron used lots of them and got a little cocky… her dress was all slits held together to keep her decent. She’s so beautiful, I feel she should have opted for a more classy dress than the black halter dress with deep V’s at the neckline, below the bust and at the stomach. And the corsage just looked goofy.
Worst… What?!? – Bjork. First off, I give Bjork credit for doing her own thing. She rocks. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t include her on my list of No-Nos. The puffy geisha-do, crossed with the sequined Michael Jackson skirt and beaded owl bag and complimented with the fur tube she wore over her arms and middle was the weirdest thing I’ve seen since I used to dress up my Barbies. I was just concerned the whole time about how she’d move her arms!
Worst Use of Barney’s Carcass – Lara Flynn Boyle. I really liked Lara’s periwinkle sequined gown, but then she ruined it by tossing on this hideous purple fur wrap. I wondered how she was able to lift that monstrosity. She’s become so incredibly thin, I would have thought it would have knocked her over.
Worst Lingerie Goof – Marg Helgenberger. Her black, red and pink flowered dress might have been all right if the designer had let it be a strapless and low backed gown, but he decided to toss a black bra into the mix, which made it look like Helgenberger (from Erin Brockovich and CSI – but I have no clue who she is either) was tacky enough to throw a regular bra on with a gown – truly horrible.
But I don’t want to sound catty, so I’m going to leave you with my best dressed list. Dylan McDermott looked very handsome in a traditional tuxedo look. Matthew McConaughey spiced up his black tux with a pale blue shirt and matching long tie, which looked really fantastic. Hilary Swank looked like a mermaid in her silvery Calvin Klein dress. Calista Flockhart looked radiant in a pink ruffled dress that would have looked terrible on anyone else. The short dress with slit ruffled sleeves added bulk to her thin frame and her curled hair made her look very romantic… she looked beautiful. Jennifer Lopez looked like a Grecian goddess in her one-shouldered white satin dress, and I loved the diamonds she added to her curled updo. Renee Zellweger, who nearly missed accepting her award due to a lipstick on teeth debacle that sent her to the ladies room, looked very old-Hollywood in her black satin strapless ball gown with a modern slit up to her thigh.
And for Best Dressed, it’s a tie. Debra Messing glowed and looked stunning in a black and white horizontally striped gown with a spaghetti strap halter. And Julia Robert wore the simplest dress of the night – a high necked, long sleeved black dress, yet looked more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her look. She closed her acceptance speech for the Best Actress Award with ‘I won! I’m just shamelessly filled with joy!,’ and that joy just radiated from her million-watt smile – the best accessory of the night.
Shauna Billings is a Collegian columnist.
