The July 1947 Roswell landing by aliens. The government plot to assassinate John F. Kennedy. The faked 1969 moon landing (that was a good one, Fox). Marisa Tomei’s Oscar win in 1993.

All conspiracies of varying degrees – believed by some and dismissed as silly and completely unsubstantiated by others.

My intentions in writing this column are not to expose some huge conspiracy hovering over this University. My intentions are not to accuse or to harm, but rather to inform. You see, in a few short days, Feb. 28 to be precise, Bernard F. Wilkes will (presumably) be removed for the University of Massachusetts payroll. Mr. Wilkes was not fired. Nor did he quit. Mr. Wilkes, who is still on the University payroll making $62,951.20 per year, is not retiring. Rather (and this is where everything becomes very murky and unclear), a pre-arranged deal that Mr. Wilkes had with the University will finally expire and he will stop being paid, even though he has not been to UMass in over a year.

This story (and I suppose this column) started at the beginning of last semester. Now, I’ll admit that what follows is probably a conflict of interest. I undoubtedly would have liked to run this on the front page, with some huge 70-point, bold-faced font. I undoubtedly would have liked to splash scandal and the like to 20,000 daily readers. However, since I could not get anyone to talk to me about this story, I am forced to reconstruct the events of the previous semester in column form, relegated here to page four. This column can definitely be construed as my feeble attempts to somehow enact revenge on people that have slighted me in the past. However, I assure you my intentions are nothing more than to inform you, the student body. Now that I sound all noble…

As you may or may not know, I am the News Editor here at our little college daily and have held that position, in some respect, for going on three semesters now. Last semester after we broke the story on one Mr. Jim Coopee and his abuse of University resources, I received an anonymous letter (presumably from a University employee) in my mailbox at the Collegian. This letter detailed the fates of three UMass employees: the aforementioned Bernard Wilkes, Elizabeth Dale and Director of Auxiliary Services Ashoke Ganguli.

This letter, which I still have in my possession, claims that Auxiliary Services is paying, has been paying and will pay, through Feb. of 2001, a ‘no show’ employee – one Mr. Wilkes. The letter alleges that Mr. Wilkes was unfairly passed over for a promotion to the position of Director of the Campus Center. As a result, Wilkes filed grievances against Ashoke Ganguli. To settle the grievances, the University (supposedly) agreed to pay Mr. Wilkes an entire year and a half’s salary for doing nothing. The letter also alleges that Mr. Wilkes’ attendance records are being, and have been, falsified to make it seem as if he were actually showing up to work every week. It concludes that Mr. Wilkes sold his home in Amherst, MA and moved to New Hampshire.

Elizabeth Dale factors into my story in two ways. First, she was the person awarded the position of Director of the Campus Center over Mr. Wilkes. Second, she was the only one of the principal players who I could actually reach about this story in my subsequent investigation.

Here’s what I found out…

Elizabeth Dale was promoted circa 1996. She told me as much on the record, though she did say that she was unsure of the exact time frame. However, the position to which she was promoted was not Director of the Campus Center (DCC), but rather Director of Business/ Facilities Services. According to Dale, the DCC position was ‘reformulated’ into this new position, which she assumed. I never received confirmation one way or the other whether the Senior Associate Director of the Campus Center, Mr. Wilkes’ job at the time, was also ‘reformulated’ into this new position.

The person who oversaw all of this was, of course, Mr. Ganguli, Director of Auxiliary Services.

Mr. Ganguli is a tough person to get a hold of. After calling his office for four weeks straight last semester, I never heard back from him. I was told he was on a business trip. I was told he was in a meeting. I was told any number of things, but never connected to him. I left many messages with his secretary and received promises of returned phone calls that never happened. To date, I have no idea what Mr. Ganguli’s position on this issue actually is or whether he was involved at all.

Upon calling Mr. Wilke’s office last semester, I was told by someone there that he had not been in that office for over a year. I was told that he had, in actuality, been at home ‘consulting’ for a year – a fact that coincides nicely with my anonymous letter.

There is no listing for a Bernard F. Wilkes Jr. in Amherst, MA.

There is no listing for a Bernard F. Wilkes Jr. in any town in New Hampshire.

The attendance records, which the letter alleges were falsified, are impossible to attain and are (presumably) discarded at the end of every week.

Elizabeth Dale has since stepped down from the Director of Business /Facilities Services position. She is now a special assistant to the Chancellor. She makes $87,182.68 per year.

Ashoke Ganguli is still the Director of Auxiliary Services. He makes $99,794.24 per year.

So, what have we learned from this little excursion? Well, unfortunately, not a whole lot. There is a book (it is perhaps ironically black, though it is by no means little) on the third floor of the library, in the reserve section. This magical book lists the salaries of all the University’s employees – this includes your professors and those lovely administrators you love to deal with at Whitmore. Any student can check this out, for an hour, at any time. You have the right to know where your or your parents’ money is going and exactly how much University employees are being paid. Take advantage of it.

When you can’t find out where your money is going, dig a little bit. Ask questions. Even if these questions only lead to dead ends, you’ll be much better off for having asked. You pay these people’s salaries – through tuition and, for some of you, through state taxes as well. They work for you, not the other way around.

Finally, remember: the truth is out there.

Sam Wilkinson and Kristin Shrewsbury contributed to this column.

Adam Martignetti is a Collegian Columnist.