What was the first thing people said to you when they heard you were going to UMass?
“So I hear you’re going to UMass. Good old ZooMass, BoozeMass, the Zoo.” Did they just refer to it as another party school?
Now, I’m not saying that not everyone here at the University of Massachusetts drinks heavily and spends their weekends recovering from the night before, relying on digital pictures and video recorded hijinks for memories.
Not all of us were drinkers when we came here our freshman year. We carried along the philosophy dictated to us from after-school specials: “I don’t need to drink to have a good time.” However, as soon as we realized that there really isn’t anything to do in Western Mass. except hit the bottle, many of us have become accustomed to and have our personal favorite drinking game.
These are some of the trademark UMass drinking games (writers note: I do not support in any way shape or form underage drinking, however if you happen to have a thirty rack of Keystone Light and you need to kill time before that really awesome party at Sig Ep, where it doesn’t start until 10 and costs seven bucks for guys and fifty cents for girls, then by all means please follow these instructions).
CARD GAMES
ASSHOLE
A staple of any college drinking community, this card game is usually the first thing taught to new drinkers. Basically it works out like this: after dealing out all the cards, competitors then try to get rid of all their cards one at a time.
The value of the cards is pretty obvious; black threes are the lowest and the ace is the highest card. Why just black threes you ask? Well because two’s and red three’s are what they call “clear cards,” meaning that if you hold any of these cards in hand and you are not happy with the cards on the table, you can throw the card down and start anew.
The steadfast rule is that the card that you put down must be higher or the same as the card put into play by the person in front of you. If the card that you put down is the same as the previous card, the person in front of you loses a turn and is forced to drink from his/her beverage. The first person out is the president and the last person out is the “asshole.” That person must reshuffle and re-deal all the cards to the players. With the cards he has he then must give his two best cards (clear cards first then the face cards and then the high number cards) to the president and accept the two worst cards from the president. The game continues until everyone is sufficiently trashed or another drinking game wants to be played.
There can also be house rules in play (the house can dictate the rules at the beginning) like “complete the social,” which is when you have the ability to throw down the remaining cards that would have all four of the same face or numerical cards on the table, then everyone must drink and the deck clears to you.
Kings (A.K.A. Circle of Death)
Removing the jokers from the deck spread the cards around the base of a beer or cup full of a beverage of your choice. Each player pulls a card and the cards have a value system. Red two’s and three’s mean you take two or three seconds worth of beer. Black two’s and three’s mean you give two or three seconds with of beer to anybody. When a four is pulled the last person to touch the floor drinks, when a five is drawn the last person with their hand in the air drinks, when a six is pulled the last person to touch their nose (in a picking motion, however, no contact of nail and nostril must be made, that, after all would be disgusting) drinks. Seven gives the player the ability to distribute the seven seconds to any of the other players. Eight the player picks a rule that must be followed for the rest of the game, any violation of the rule will constitute a drink. A nine means that a rhyme is started and the first person to not come up with a rhyme drinks. Ten allows the player to pick a category and then each person must come up with a subject for that category. You guessed it: the person that can’t drinks. Jacks send the drink back to the player in front of you. Queens mean that you can only speak in questions, the first person that doesn’t drinks. Aces are waterfalls. And finally the Kings. When a King is pulled they are put aside, however pulls the last one finishes the beer or whatever alcohol is in the cup.
FUCKED
Now before you report me to the MPAA and give this article a PG-13 rating, let me explain. Eight cards are put down in two separate rows, four in each row. On the left you have take one, take two, take four, take eight and on the right give one, give two, give four, give eight. On solitary card is put above the two rows. This is the “FUCKED” card. Then whoever is playing gets asked four questions: 1) Red or black (referring to the color of the card), 2) High or low (higher or lower than the previous card), 3) in-between or out (if the card will be in the two previous cards or out), 4) suite (what is the suite of the next card). This sequence of guessing serves two purposes select your four cards, and get you good and drunk, because for every thing you get wrong you drink the number on the card. The rest of the game is easy. If you have any of the cards that get flipped from the give pile, you give to any player. If your cards any of those from the take, you drink. The “FUCKED” card means you start and finish a full drink.
SPORTS
BEER PONG
Ah yes, the staple of college drinking games. Can be played one on one or two on two. For fun or in tournament style. Take between 12 and 18 cups and place them in a triangle. Simply throw a beer pong ball into the opposing teams cup. If you sink it, they drink it. Done. Now of course there are house rules that differ from house to house and playing field to playing field, but the basics remain the same.
Drinking and TV
There are some things that are just meant to go together, TV and beer are two of them.
The Dawson’s Creek Drinking Game
Drink every time any character says something uncharacteristic of a normal 17 year old.
The Bob Newhart Show Drinking Game
Everytime some says “Bob,” drink.
The Final Four Drinking Game
With the college basketball tournament winding down this weekend in the Final Four, this game seems very timely. Brought to my attention by Christian Curley and Michael Davidson for this yearly sports event. Two people select a team in the same game. So say you have Maryland and your friend picked Kansas. Every time Kansas score a basket you drink a shot of beer. At the end of the game, the loser needs to drink the equivalent to the point differential. Without a doubt a worthwhile drinking event.
So there you have it members of the UMass drinking community.
Enjoy these games and if you can think of any others, share them with us, because nothing brings people closer, than binge drinking in a small room.