Welcome to the new relationship advice column Amour or Less. Amour or Less will run weekly with real questions and dilemmas from students like you.
Our first student had the following dilemma:
“I hooked up with this girl on a summer program, and even though I thought it was something casual, she really thought it was something more serious. We don’t go to the same school, but I’m likely to run into her again, since she’s friends with all my friends from the program. How do I deal with her at the inevitable program reunion?”
First things first: Don’t worry about seeing this girl – let’s call her Summer Fling – until you know a reunion has been scheduled. Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet can cause a lot of unnecessary stress, especially when it comes to things like current or past relationships. Don’t do it.
If your friends from the program do get together for a reunion at some point this semester, you have a few options on how to handle it:
The Douche Bag Option: Go to the reunion. Party with your friends. Completely ignore Summer Fling, or interact with her only through snide comments and insults.
The positive side of this option is that it’s easy – it doesn’t sound like you’re a huge fan of Summer Fling, and acting on those feelings of dislike would be the simplest thing to do. The negative side, of course, is that acting on your dislike makes you come across as a douche bag. Sure, you don’t really care what Summer Fling thinks, but what about the other people from the program?
The Weak Option: Skip the reunion altogether. Seeing your friends isn’t worth the potential awkwardness of dealing with Summer Fling.
This option guarantees a minimum of uncomfortable interactions with SF. It is, however, likely to confuse your other friends from the program, especially if they don’t know all the details about your relations with this girl. Plus, it’d be a huge bummer to miss out on fun times with all your summer friends just to avoid a little bit of lady drama.
The Mature Option: Go to the reunion. Party with your friends. Treat Summer Fling politely, but don’t go out of your way to make conversation with her unless you decide you want to.
While treating Summer Fling with politeness when all you really want to do is drop her off a cliff (Amour or Less does not, under any circumstances, condone any actions – such as dropping people off of cliffs – that involve bodily harm or death. Things like that are never worth the legal fees) might seem difficult, it’s definitely the best way to act in the long run.
It’s good for your relationship with your friends from the program, since they’ll see that you can behave like a decent person around your ex. It’s good for Summer Fling, who might be feeling just as embarrassed and awkward about seeing you at this point in the year. Most importantly, it’s always, always a good idea for you to maintain the moral high ground. That way, if Summer Fling turns out to be more like Summer Cling, you come out of the reunion looking spotless and none the worse for wear.
Send in your relationship dilemmas to [email protected].
