Jackrabbits and Jack Sparrow

Dear Sophie,

 

My girlfriend has a lot of freaky fetishes that I go along with from time to time. She made me dress up as Jack Sparrow on several occasions. However, she always insists that i wear a condom when we have sex. How can I convince her otherwise?

Good for you for being chill enough to go along with the fetishes—and did you really do the full-on Jack Sparrow costume with makeup, beard-braids, and everything, by the way? If so, that’s kind of amazing. I hope you rocked it. Who was she dressed up as?

But seriously…don’t try to convince your girlfriend that you should be having sex without a condom. You shouldn’t be having sex without a condom. Condoms are the most reliable way to protect against STDs (and honestly, there’s no reason for me to rehash this, really, I’m sure you know it by now). Yes, ideally you’re both STD-free and not cheating on each other, but even if you’re sure of that, condoms are preventing your girlfriend from getting pregnant. I don’t know if she’s on birth control, but even if she is, condoms are a very reasonable extra protective measure. In the end, if something goes wrong and she gets pregnant, she’s the one who’s going to have to deal with the fallout, not you. And if she wants to keep using condoms to keep herself safe, that’s her prerogative, and you shouldn’t begrudge it to her. Your desire to not wear condoms isn’t a fetish, it’s a preference, and it can’t be equated with her fetishes, which aren’t in any way harmful to you.

Condoms aren’t so bad, anyway. Invest in some extra-thin ones (Trojan, Durex, and LifeStyles all have thin versions, and Kimono sells exclusively the thin kind, I think) and suck it up.

Dear Sophie,

 

So the person I live next to is constantly, and like, jackrabbit constantly, going at it with their girlfriend. I understand everyone wants to have sex, etc., but this is starting to drive me nuts. I want to say something, but don’t want to be rude…how?!

That does sound exceedingly aggravating. If you haven’t yet tried talking to them at all, I’d suggest dropping by at some point when they aren’t boning, and saying, “Listen, I’m not trying to cockblock you or anything, but the walls are actually pretty thin here and I can hear you guys pretty loudly. Would you mind keeping it down a little?” Smile and be friendly when you say it. Make it clear that you understand the impulse and don’t hold it against them, but that you do need some peace and quiet.

If things don’t get better, you’re entitled to knock on the door sometime when they are having sex. Say something like, “Hey, I’m glad you’re having a good time, but I’m trying to study/sleep/whatever. Can you be a little quieter?” At that point, they’ll probably be so embarrassed that they’ll quiet down. If not, I’d say it’s perfectly legitimate for you to take your concerns to the RA.

Um, unless you’re my next-door neighbor, in which case, I’d say just buy yourself a nice pair of noise-canceling headphones.

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