On trying new things.

Dear Sophie,

I am a freshman and a virgin. I feel my first sexual experience may not be too far in the future, and while that is exciting, it is also nerve-racking. So many people are experienced that I feel I may not perform up to proper standards.

Honey, standards for a virgin are pretty low. Basically, the only thing you’re expected to do is show up. As long as you’re honest about the amount of experience you’ve had, anybody worth boning is not going to hold any mishaps against you. There will be mishaps, too, and twice as many if you have sex with another virgin, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that; just be prepared to laugh it off if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned. Don’t expect it to be perfect. Keep in mind that sex may have an effect on the way you feel about that person. It’s okay if you’re nervous. Remember that the point is to enjoy yourself.

Sex really isn’t an innate talent. It’s a skill that anybody can develop with practice, if they’re curious, open-minded, and communicative. You might be a beginner now, but there’s no reason not to work towards being a pro.

Dear Sophie,

I’m going to be blunt: prostate stimulation. Your thoughts on the matter, and would it be considered gay to want to try it? Cheers.

Sure, prostate stimulation is a totally legit thing to want. You can try some of the tips I mentioned in my earlier post, Bugger Off.” They should still apply, more or less. If you’re currently hooking up with someone, you can ask her (I mean, I’m assuming it would be a girl, since you seem concerned about appearing gay) to help you, but you could also try it yourself. Start slow, with fingers and lots of lube.

And yes, a lot of people probably would consider it gay. It has nothing to do with being gay, mind you, since being gay is when you’re exclusively sexually attracted to the same gender. But for some reason people get awfully touchy about men and their butts. It doesn’t make that much sense—I mean, if you’re a man who wants a woman to touch your butt, you sound pretty straight to me—but I’m just letting you know that other people may potentially be persnickety about it. Too bad for them. They’re missing out.

Got a problem of your own? Tell me about it at my Formspring.