The Rubinoff Diaries

By Allie Connell

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Cade Belisle/Collegian

At $11.99 a bottle, in a slew of seemingly tantalizing flavors, Rubinoff vodka makes any trip to Liquors 44 a no brainer. If the mere mention of this alcoholic delicacy has sent shivers down your spine with a flashback to some horrible half memory of “that one time at a frat party,” then you’re on par with many students.

With the current state of the economy and the cost of higher education at this fine institution, it would behoove us all to embrace this cheap alcoholic alternative. Let’s rewrite our Rubinoff Diaries with some cocktail recipes that allow us to avoid plugging our noses and cringing.

 

Raspberry Lemonade

Using either lemonade, pink lemonade or Raspberry Rubinoff as your base (or go wild and add a shot of each), add raspberry ginger ale. Known for its vibrant pink color, this off-shoot of traditional ginger ale provides a sweet, bubbly pairing for the tangy lemonades or complimentary raspberry flavoring. Plus, pink drinks are super in vogue at the moment, so sipping this concoction out of a martini glass from the Dollar Store makes you that much more classy.

 

Cranberry Cream

Have you ever seen the whipped cream flavored Rubinoff and wondered, “What misguided human being would commit to a handle of that?” You’re not the only one. Add cranberry juice cocktail to Whipped Cream Rubinoff and, if you happen to have grenadine, around add a splash of that. This cocktail is not for the faint of sweet tooth and may give you a small buzz from a sugar rush.

 

Put the Lime in the Diet Coke

As the title suggests: add Key Lime Rubinoff to Diet Coke (or regular Coke for all you sugar fans out there) and serve on the rocks or in the bottle the Coke came from. This drink offers a slightly cheaper and more tropical alternative to its cousin: the famous Rum and Coke.

 

Mango Sunrise

Often thought to be the most popular of the Rubinoff flavors by the sheer volume purchased on any given weekend day at Liquors 44, Mango Rubinoff tends to hold a lot of less than pleasant memories for Rubinoff connoisseurs. Enjoy this variety of Rubinoff with orange juice and a splash of cranberry juice or grenadine. A bottle of grenadine costs $4, so you too can enjoy any variety of an alcoholic ‘sunrise’ or a good ole’ Shirley Temple for an entire year. This very fruity cocktail makes the mango flavor a supporting cast member rather than an overbearing star. Go forth and rewrite your Mango Rubinoff memories.

 

The Beer Buster

This idea might seem slightly appealing and terrifying to you. If you happen to find yourself with a handle of straight up, no-flavor, grain Rubinoff Vodka and a zest for life, try this enterprising recipe. One shot of plain Rubinoff, one cheap light beer, a few dashes of Tobasco sauce and stir. Other uses for plain Rubinoff include, but are not limited to: cleaning the hubcaps on your car, disinfecting open wounds and treating earaches.

Enjoy these beverages responsibly and remember that graduation and socially acceptable drinking are just around the corner.

 

Allie Connell can be reached at [email protected]