Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

A free and responsible press serving the UMass community since 1890

Massachusetts Daily Collegian

The Massachusetts Morning Wood presents…

MASSACHUSETTS MORNING WOOD

Construction displaces species living in tunnels on campus

Mary Ann Fartsy/Morning Wood

The vast amount of construction on the UMass campus has forced cave-dwellers, or Cro-Massnums, to leave their homes.

UHS to offer “Fast Pass” to students

Due to recent complaints from students regarding long waiting periods at UHS, officials at UMass have decided to release wristbands to students who wish to skip long lines.

UMass students create animal hybrid

University of Massachusetts students have created an animal hybrid with the head of a horse and the body of a human.

High court reaches unanimous decision — it’s drinking time

Supreme Court justices debate what kind of wine they will have for dinner.

 

THE BARTLETT STALL

Free the horde of bros and lady-bros!

Morning wood lady-bro Sparky Banana explains how UMass isn’t bro-friendly enough.

Amanda Conjoinedtwins/Morning Wood

No flak for the FAC

Drizzle Meeks describes the beauty of UMass’ Fine Arts Center.

Habemus Papam UMass

Morning Wood blowhard, Bongo P. McGee, introduces the new pope.

 

FARTS AND SHITTING

Tim Burton’s career reaches its incestuous peak

Tim Burton’s newest film, titled “Johnny Depp,” will star the director’s spouse, Helena Bonham-Carter as Depp.

2 hip 4 u: The “Pabst effect”

A review of an iconic American classic gone bohemian hipster obscurest.

 

STICKS AND BALLS

UMass football to play home games at Townhouse Apartment complex

Morning Wood Staff

UMass signed a 10-year contract Sunday to make the quad-lot behind the Townhouse Apartment complex the new home for its football home games.

UMass men’s basketball to go on tour with the Harlem Globetrotters

The UMass men’s basketball team announced it will leave the NCAA to shoot 4-pointers against the Harlem Globetrotters.

Hulk Hogan brought on to coach UMass wrestling

Wrestling icon Hulk Hogan has accepted a $500,000 contract to coach the UMass men’s wrestling team.

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