The Massachusetts Morning Wood Presents…

By Morning Wood Staff

Morning Wood File Photo
Morning Wood File Photo

This year’s edition of the Massachusetts Morning Wood includes a Chancellor’s edict replacing the SGA with the Spice Girls, a protest of protests, the yearly tradition of hate-watching UConn through the NCAA Tournament, “Bikini Catfish Noodling,” the Pioneer Valley’s newest band, prime poop spots on-campus, the declaration of a “War on Words,” and President Obama’s consideration of a restraining order against progressives.

Thousands gather to celebrate birthdays of local elderly

Amherst Police arrest 82 after 3,000 students joined together in a celebration of the local elders.

Chancellor dissolves SGA, replaced with Spice Girls

‘90s pop sensations to take on UMass governance.

Protestors protesting protestors protesting

Protesters have a fracking good time

My awesomeness is why UConn is in the Final Four

I put the team on my back and now we’re only two wins away from another National Championship

UMass fans join together in Huskies hate-watching

In what’s become a yearly tradition, many Minutemen fans have watched UConn advance through the tournament from Rafters, a local Amherst sports bar.

UMass football finds a home up north

‘Fire those muskets!’ The Minutemen are moving north – of the border.

Join the Pioneer Valley’s finest “Noodlerz”

Bikini Catfish Noodling is a hot local band that is sweeping the Pioneer Valley with their post-music ambitions and inventive use of a cat-synth.

U2 to perform ‘Blarney’ benefit concert

In light of the events that took place at the tragic ‘Blarney Blowout,’ the band U2,
most specifically Bono, have decided to let those affected know that things will be okay.

Best places to poop on campus

In the hostile environment that is the University of Massachusetts campus, finding the right place to take a monster dump isn’t always easy.

Suburban moms line up for Spring Concert tickets

Countless mothers in New England are preparing to go see one of the dreamiest bands they used to listen to when they were in high school.

When in doubt, grab a Platinum

If you’re on the hunt for perfection, there is only one place to look. In the fridge. For a Bud Light Platinum.

Obama considers restraining order against progressives

Benny Debs outlines the obsessive relationship progressives have had with President Obama, leading him to consider a restraining order.

Declaring a war on words

Following Sheryl Sandberg’s ban on the word “bossy,” Ren Marx suggests a full out “War on Words” to ban any word with potential to offend any one person or group of people.

“Facebook to buy the known universe,” says insider

Nat A. Shillman interviews Emperor Mark Zuckerberg about plans to purchase the universe and expand Facebook access to outside of the galaxy.

SGA elections need serious reform

SGA Senator Minerva Sneezeman suggests several important amendments to the SGA bylaws following a recent messy election.