Who cares about Kim Kardashian?

By Steven Gillard

(Eva Rinaldi/Flickr)
(Eva Rinaldi/Flickr)

Last week, Kim Kardashian uploaded a photo to her Instagram account of her cover for the winter issue of Paper Magazine. In the photo, Kardashian wore nothing but a scarf and black gloves, with her bare, oiled-up buttocks on full display. The words “Break the Internet” were printed across the cover of the magazine, but the only thing Kardashian broke was my spirit.

As of Monday, Nov. 17, the photo had 864,000 likes. Kardashian has 21 million followers on Instagram, 25 million on Twitter and 24 million likes on Facebook. Can somebody please remind me what she is famous for? Oh yeah. For having sex on camera with a washed up R&B singer whose only half-decent song is “One Wish.”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Kim or her family for milking the sex tape in every conceivable way possible, and using it to propel them to superstardom. I despise the American people for allowing them to. The obsession with the family is absolutely mind-blowing. I have never watched “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” in my life, yet I somehow know all the details of their lives because they pervade social media.

Kourtney and Scott’s relationship is just so perfect, one I wish to someday emulate. Khloe is such a strong woman for staying true to herself. And have you seen Kendall Jenner? She’s going to do big things, no doubt.

On Oct. 30, Kim tweeted something that nearly brought me to tears: “my baby girl is finally asleep…my favorite time of day is bath time then our nite nite routine.” What surprised me most about this tweet was that it only received 7,500 favorites. It’s baffling. How could such a touching, nuanced take on the beauty of motherhood receive only 7,500 favorites?

Congratulations, Kim, you had a baby just like 85 million other women in this country, and you named it North. Why one person, never mind 7,000, would click “favorite” on that tweet is beyond me, but this is the world we live in.

I realized the world was doomed back in 2009, when MTV’s “Jersey Shore” premiered and was a smash hit. Chronicling the lives of four “Italians” who got drunk, went out and had indiscriminate sex, “Jersey Shore” took the world by storm.

Replace “having indiscriminate sex” with eating pizza alone at 2 a.m. and there you have it, my life as a 21-year-old college student ‒ except instead of raking in millions, I’m working in the Berkshire Dining Commons dish room for $8 an hour while simultaneously compounding thousands upon thousands of dollars in crippling student debt. Meanwhile, Snooki has 7 million Twitter followers, three published books and a $4 million net worth.

When I was in high school, along with constant “Jersey Shore” discussion, I also endured incessant talk about the latest episodes of “16 and Pregnant,” a show that’s fifth season premiered earlier this year. Lauded as a series that showcased the grim realities of teen pregnancy, “16 and Pregnant” was a huge success, portraying the trials suffered by young mothers and fathers, all while giving them publicity and thousands of dollars per episode. To this day, I regret not having a child at 16.

I don’t get the obsession with the lives of celebrities like Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande either, but I can deal with it. At least these people have talent; at least they are famous for a reason. What I can’t deal with is the obsession over the lives of people whose only remarkable talent is being incredibly stupid.

ISIS continues to behead Americans routinely in the Middle East, Ebola still rages in Africa and Congress basks in unproductivity more than ever, but I think that instead of worrying about all that, I’m just going to download “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood,” so I can “DATE AND DUMP CELEBS at the best parties and hottest clubs! Flirt and become the next huge celebrity power-couple!”

Kim Kardashian, by the way, is projected to make $85 million from that app.

Steven Gillard is a Collegian columnist and can be reached at [email protected]