By Captain Beefheart

The construction and opening of the Integrative Learning Center in the center of campus has disrupted many traditional patterns of students. Foremost, of course, is the pattern of taking four years of classes in dilapidated Bartlett and Machmer classrooms that should have been replaced years ago.

But the most controversial change has nothing to do with academics, classrooms or new buildings – it’s a fence. And Mr. Subbaswamy, you must tear down this fence.

While it may seem innocuous, the Hasbrouck fence, which blocks a formerly well-traveled path between the Campus Center and Hasbrouck, is the greatest barrier to access and achievement on the University of Massachusetts campus.

Some may say that racism, sexism, ableism, financial burden, lack of resources or bureaucratic complexity are the major barriers to equal access on campus. But they’re wrong – it’s a fence.

This fence represents all of our social ills – a wall arbitrarily placed by out of touch administrators that makes students two more minutes late for class. In fact, the wall has become such an issue that a mob of students knocked it down on the evening of the Super Bowl in February 2015. But administrators ignored this outcry of the disenthralled, this outburst of true social justice. You and your pals, Mr. Subbaswamy, you’re the problem.

You don’t understand that by removing that barrier, you will solve the student debt crisis because students won’t have those extra two minutes to think about issues that actually matter. You will solve the problem of access because students with the ability to climb over a concrete wall and trudge through the mud will have a special shortcut. You will solve the hunger of students whom cannot bear the extra time between an in-class nap and a hot meal.

Only one action can show that you are truly beginning to understand what’s important to campus life.

Mr. Subbaswamy, tear down this fence.

Captain Beefheart is a Morning Wood dingus and can be reached at [email protected].