Martin O’Malley wins Democratic primary

By Morning Wood Staff


Karen Murphy/Flickr)
(Karen Murphy/Flickr)

By Wartha Stewart

An underdog throughout the Democratic primaries and caucuses, silver fox Martin O’Malley has claimed victory over Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton at the Democratic National Convention, which was pushed forward to today on an emergency basis.

The DNC voted to make O’Malley the candidate after voters chose O’Malley over feuding Clinton and Sanders. Voters deemed that Clinton and Sanders’ feuding over speeches and funding lasted much too long. O’Malley, having suspended his campaign after coming in third in Iowa, surged at the polls due to the feuding nature of the scandals between Clinton and Sanders.

Clinton is currently under investigation for her emails and did not make it to the convention, while Sanders fell asleep prior to the convention. O’Malley was the only candidate to show up and was cited as “the leader this country needs,” which in other words means that he was the only sane candidate at this point.

With his experience as a folk-rock singer and as a hot dad, O’Malley secured not only the youth vote, but also the mom vote. The former governor of Maryland and mayor of Baltimore are not his only accomplishments that make him qualified to be president. He was voted the Best Young Mayor by Esquire in 2002, which was due to his great looks and killer smile, and he is often described as the “Justin Trudeau of the U.S.”

Not much is known about O’Malley, but after a brief skim of his Wikipedia Page, he seems like the presidential type. Voters favored O’Malley over the other Democrats due to his lack of scandals and being under the age of 74. He identified with voters on being pro-animal, pro-environment, and pro-rock and roll. It is also important to mention that he announced his candidacy via Twitter, thus starting the young female following that he garnered throughout his run. That female following increased when videos were found of him wearing a muscle tank during one of his rock shows.

The DNC chair, Debbie Wasserman Shultz, who has been accused of favoring Clinton, shot back at critics by citing the female attention that she and others had given O’Malley. Aside from his external features, O’Malley seemed to be the only formidable candidate between the scandal-ridden Clinton and socialist Sanders. We don’t know much about him, but at this point, the voters could care less. The one thing they do care about is having a good-looking president, and let’s just say that between Trump and O’Malley, there’s no contest.

Wartha Stewart is the Collegian’s resident motherly correspondent whose interests include red velvet cake batter and Martin O’Malley’s abs.