EDITOR’S NOTE: This piece is paired with a sports story by the same writer on how UMass has taken strides in supporting student-athlete mental health. That story can be read here.
Today, I wrote an article on the resources University of Massachusetts student-athletes have access to in order to raise awareness around mental health in college athletics. The UMass athletic department has a team of professionals that support student-athletes’ mental health, and every athlete is given a preliminary screening at the start of their season. During this screening, athletes are given mental health training, an overview of resources and services provided and individualized treatment recommendations shortly thereafter.
In the 2022-23 school year, the NCAA conducted a health and wellness study of over 23,000 student-athletes. 16 percent of male athletes and 35 percent of female athletes reported feeling mentally exhausted. 54 percent of males and 40 percent of females reported that they felt comfortable talking to their coaches about mental health concerns.
I had the opportunity to meet with Bella Mendoza, the goalkeeper of the Massachusetts women’s soccer team and a campus captain for non-profit The Hidden Opponent. Mendoza struggled with mental health in high school and during her first two years at UMass, but she now advocates for student-athletes who are going through their own struggles.
I never planned on playing a sport in college. While I had dreamed about it during high school, that’s all it ever was – a dream. After a championship meet in the summer going into my freshman year of college, an old teammate’s mom asked me if I was going to dive at Providence College. When I said no, she encouraged me to talk to the coach about walking on. What drew me in was how she mentioned the team was like a family, and I wanted a supportive environment at college where I felt like part of something bigger than myself.
Once on campus, I met with the coach. He said I could try out for the team and he would see if I had what it takes. I worked as hard as I could, and two weeks later, he pulled me aside at the end of practice and told me I was officially on the team. Knowing how big of an accomplishment this was, I was ecstatic.
I never realized what exactly I was getting myself into.
It was only a month into the school year before I noticed signs that my mental health was declining. I went home for a weekend at the end of September, and the day I had to go back to school, all I could think about was that I wanted to stay home. I was crying in my room while packing, but when my parents asked if anything was wrong, I lied and said I was fine. At the train station, I broke down in an anxiety attack and couldn’t get on the train back to Providence.
I felt disconnected from my friends at school because my schedule was so demanding. I had practice every day during dinner time, so I never got to see them. While I had teammates, I never felt completely accepted by them. The athletic department had a motto: “You’re Never Alone in Friartown,” yet I had never felt more isolated and alone in my life. The anxiety attacks continued while I was at school, and after countless phone calls crying to my mom, I decided I had to take the first step in getting help.
Talking to a therapist helped, but it was also intimidating at first. I wasn’t sure how I would feel being vulnerable in front of a complete stranger, and admitting that I wasn’t okay made the whole situation feel so much more real. It took time to open up, but talking about my situation and how I was feeling helped me realize that my feelings were valid and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my struggles.
Even though therapy taught me ways to cope with how I was feeling, the isolation and stress lingered in the back of my mind no matter what I did. After two months, I knew the only thing that would help me was to remove myself from the situation. I didn’t even make it into the coach’s office before I broke down crying, and between sobs, I told him I couldn’t do it anymore.
A wave of relief washed over me during that conversation, and my coach even mentioned that I seemed a lot more relaxed than when I entered the office. I was disappointed that I was leaving the sport I had loved since I was 10, but it was that sport that caused most of my mental anguish. Part of me felt like leaving the team was a sign of failure, but I recognized the strength it took to get myself through that experience, and it helped shape me into who I am today.
As an athlete, I attended monthly seminars for The Friar Edge, Providence College’s student-athlete development program. There, the athletic department would host guest speakers to educate us on different pillars of wellness. My first and most memorable Friar Edge session was about managing mental health.
Kate Fagan, the author of the popular mental health book “What Made Maddy Run,” told us about her younger sister’s mental health struggles as a student-athlete at Penn. Fagan talked about changes she noticed in her sister, and even though this was before I noticed any warning signs in my own behavior, I found myself more engaged with Fagan’s talk than any other speaker we had. Athletes were given a list of mental health resources available to them at the end, and a few weeks later, I scheduled my first therapy appointment.
Providence has sport psychology services available for all student-athletes as well as the personal counseling center, which is accessible to all Providence College students. I opted for the personal counseling center, as even though I was an official member of the swim and dive team, I never fully got into that mindset.
The Innovation Lab is a popular resource at Providence that athletes use to focus on rest and recovery. As a walk-on, I never got tours of the facilities, so I wasn’t aware of all of the features included in the Innovation Lab. Some of the resources in the building included sports nutrition and dieticians, sensory deprivation float tanks, individual nap pods and a cryo-therapy chamber. If I had utilized this equipment, I could have found new ways to take care of myself or I’d have met athletes on other teams that could have prevented my feeling alone.
If Providence implemented screening practices similar to the ones UMass currently has, I could have started my season with a detailed action plan on how to take care of my mental health. I would’ve noticed the signs early on and taken action instead of waiting for the anxiety attacks to realize something was wrong.
I knew I needed to reach out to someone when my anxiety attacks lasted hours. I felt helpless, not knowing when I would stop crying or what I could do to help myself. Since dive practice was separate from swim, I rarely saw the majority of my teammates and never got a chance to get to know them. I didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable enough with to share my struggles with, but after one diver mentioned how helpful the counseling center was for her, I booked an appointment later that afternoon.
My anxiety attacks continued as I started seeing a professional, and I questioned whether therapy was the right solution. I learned to give myself grace because there wasn’t going to be a quick fix to my problems, and I began focusing on smaller achievable goals instead. I worked with the therapist on different techniques I could try to calm myself, and after a month, I started gaining control over the anxiety attacks.
While it took me two years to feel comfortable sharing my story, I understand how important it is to break the stigma around mental health in college athletics. Many student-athletes struggle with mental health issues, but popular narratives dissuade them from taking that first step and reaching out.
Athletes at UMass have access to a plethora of mental health resources, many of which I wish I had access to during my time as a college athlete. Handling athletic and academic schedules can be challenging, but throughout all of that, mental health can’t be ignored.
Devin Lippman can be reached at [email protected] and followed on X @devinlippman.
