Chances are, you have encountered a TikTok video of someone lip-syncing the sped-up second verse of Charli XCX’s “party 4 u” while pointing to their mouth, a trend that has old fans proving their allegiance to the track and new fans taking on the challenge to learn Charli’s tongue-twister lyrics.
As “party 4 u” enjoys a new wave of attention after “brat” summer, it’s time to look back on the album that cemented Charli as a hyperpop pioneer. “how i’m feeling now” was released May 15, 2020, only eight months after her previous LP. Its creation took place at Charli’s home over five weeks, a highly collaborative process between Charli, her producers and her fans, known as the Angels.
In 2022, Charli released a documentary, “Alone Together,” which intimately chronicles the process of the album and her connection with her community of fans. Charli held Zoom meetings with the Angels to discuss her progress on the record and Instagram lives to take their suggestions for her songwriting process. She released her stems, encouraging others to send her their remixes. Fans voted on the cover art for each of the singles on the record, and the “forever” music video features clips of fans dancing in their bedrooms.
The record begins with “pink diamond,” an introduction into Charli’s headspace. Repeating the phrase “I just wanna go real hard” like a mantra, the track encapsulates pent-up energy bubbling to the surface. Charli laments on the monotony of lockdown, singing, “Every single night kinda feels the same.” The song ends by exploding into a mechanical, crashing beat like a splitting atom. Charli described the harsh instrumental to Apple Music as “antagonistic,” dividing listeners into those who love it and those who hate it.
“how i’m feeling now” was Charli’s most vulnerable project yet, combining raw, unpolished production with relatable lyricism. On “forever,” “claws” and “7 years,” she demonstrates this vulnerability by diving into her relationship with then-boyfriend Huck Kwong.
“I’ll love you forever / Even when we’re not together,” Charli sings on “forever,” a love ballad that reflects on long-distance relationship struggles. The song is at once melodic and robotic, Charli’s cold vocals perhaps expressing a lack of connection with her partner exacerbated by the pandemic.
“claws” takes on a more positive tone. Dylan Brady of 100 gecs produced the track, and his influence is clear. The glitchy, high-octane soundscape that feels like a headrush is a trademark of Brady’s and the hyperpop genre as a whole. “claws” contemplates the infatuation of the honeymoon period; Charli sings, “I like, I like, I like, I like, I like everything about you.” “7 years” brings listeners into the journey of Charli’s relationship as she looks back on the tough times that they’ve made it through.
With “detonate,” Charli moves inward. The focus shifts to how isolation can get in your head and force you to doubt yourself. “I don’t trust myself at all, why should you trust me?” Charli asks, questioning her character and worth. Her anxious lyrics, coupled with the pulsating production evoke the frantic energy of a stir-crazy panic attack. At the end of the track, Charli finally detonates as a fuzzy, high-pitched synth takes over.
Overthinking during lockdown seems to have made a victim of us all, hardly discriminating against pop stars. On “enemy,” Charli worries that her partner is getting too close. She expresses her fear of getting hurt and her defense mechanism of vilifying her partner: “Maybe you’re my enemy.”
“i finally understand” is a moment of objective observation where Charli comes to terms with her feelings about herself and her relationship. Her metallic vocals ride a shaky, percussive beat created by dance pop artist Palmistry. The track was the third and final single of the album.
In typical Charli XCX fashion, she never stops reimagining her own work. “c2.0” samples Kim Petras’ verse off of Charli’s 2019 song “Click.” Petras’ voice – pitched up and distorted – makes up most of “c2.0,” the rest being Charli reminiscing on time spent with friends. Alone in her home studio, she sings, “My clique running through my mind like a rainbow / I miss them.”
“party 4 u” also stemmed from an earlier project, this time one she had created with close friend and collaborator A.G. Cook. A soft synth introduces the song, followed by grittier instrumentals which reflect the simultaneous longing and anger Charli feels. The track is about unrequited love and throwing a party for someone who never shows up, which is why TikTok users have been drawing comparisons between the song and Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby.”
Months of pandemic frustration come out in “anthems.” Over a frenetic synth, Charli sings, “I’m so bored, what? / Wake up late, eat some cereal / Try my best to be physical / Lose myself in a TV show.” Her raw, honest lyrics provide a glimpse into the environment that bred the record, an environment that sounds arguably similar to what you and I experienced in lockdown during the pandemic.
Charli sings about missing her friends and feeling scared and uninspired. In the uncertainty of lockdown, it was connection and relief that we all yearned for. “I want anthems / Late nights, my friends, New York / I sleep, wanna wake up brand new,” Charli continues in the chorus, like a prayer that everything would return to normal and it would all become a bad dream. But she expresses some hope: “Finally, when it’s over / We might be even closer.” This refers to the pandemic’s power to bring people together, forcing us to stop and really appreciate our bonds with loved ones.
If “pink diamond” is a powerful introduction, “visions” is an outro song that brings it all full-circle. Charli sings about “Visions comin’ every night” of a future full of parties, love and connection, where quarantine and social distancing do not exist. The song morphs into a danceable beat akin to the party she dreams of. Then, a heavy alarm sound rings as Charli and the world wake up to reality, back in lockdown where the record began.
Riley Greenberg can be reached at [email protected].
