Editor’s Note: The following column is satirical and is meant for humorous purposes only. All interviews and individuals are fictitious.

With everything going on right now, I believe it is critically important that we as a nation recognize the University of Massachusetts Boston as the true flagship campus of Massachusetts. There is irrefutable evidence that this should be the case, and I will reveal it to you.

Recently, a poll was released that indicated that an overwhelming majority of people supported UMass Boston as the new flagship. In a time when the will of the people is being disregarded, this poll should be respected by the Massachusetts government as a show of good faith to the good people of our state.

But there are so many reasons to make Boston the flagship, regarding location, campus life, opportunities and most importantly, food.

The UMass campus is located in the heart of Boston, which gives students an opportunity to explore Boston to their hearts’ content. It is also located right on the waterfront, giving students a beautiful vista of Boston Harbor right from their dorms.

“This has to be the most beautiful view of any dorm in the world,” said the interim chancellor in 2018. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

The dorms have more than enough space for the students of UMass Boston, and even though many of the students are commuters, the dorms are still in high demand. In fact, the amount of commuter students just goes to show that UMass Boston is a Massachusetts school for Massachusites.

Campus life is very vibrant, and many students feel a strong sense of belonging according to a survey of the class of 2021, a year that had absolutely no extenuating circumstances to speak of.

This is all without mentioning the fact that the Amherst campus is in the middle of nowhere (as much as they try to dispel that fact). This is a major turn off for many who want to attend a UMass school, but there is hope! UMass Boston offers just as much (don’t check that, please!) as UMass Amherst does, if not, more.

Now comes the most egregious lie that UMass Amherst is literally feeding you: they do not have number one dining. This may come as a shock to many, but it is absolutely false. According to Niche, which is clearly a more rigorous metric than a carefully conducted survey, Amherst is in fact number two on the list. This lie alone should be enough to show you that Amherst is compensating for their subpar food and is exactly why Boston is better.

UMass Boston students, in addition to not being lied to, can also enjoy the culinary wonders of Boston, especially with the proximity to Boston’s center.

It with all this information that we as a nation must come together to once and for all defend the true desires of the American people, and declare that UMass Boston, and not UMass Amherst, should be the Commonwealth’s flagship.

Not A. ChancCellor can definitely not be reached by going to floor 3 of Quinn Administration Building