Massachusetts Daily Collegian

The Massachusetts Morning Wood presents…

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

MASSACHUSETTS MORNING WOOD Construction displaces species living in tunnels on campus The vast amount of construction on the UMass campus has forced cave-dwellers, or Cro-Massnums, to leave their homes. UHS to offer "Fast Pass" to students Due to recent complaints from stude...

Morning Wood: 2 hip 4 u: The “Pabst effect”

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Pabst Blue Ribbon, affectionately known as “PBR” or “the nectar of the gods” to many, is a staple of American culture for beer enthusiasts worldwide. Known for its smooth taste and viscerally erotic aroma, Pabst is not...

Morning Wood: Tim Burton’s career reaches its incestuous peak

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

It looks like Tim Burton finally bit the bullet. His newest film, tentatively titled “Johnny Depp,” will tell the story of the American-born actor and his rise to international fame. From his humble beginnings in Owensboro,...

Morning Wood: Hulk Hogan brought on to coach UMass wrestling

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Hulkamania will be running wild at the University of Massachusetts. Spurning multi-million dollar offers from World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan, 59, has accepted...

Morning Wood: UMass football to play home games at Townhouse Apartment Complex

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Massachusetts football coach Charley Molnar sat up night after night with haunting visions of empty blue seats at Gillette Stadium flashing through his nightmares. Students and Amherst residents chose against the 10-hour commitment on Saturdays to view UMass through its competitive – wel...

Morning Wood: UMass men’s basketball to go on tour with the Harlem Globetrotters

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Inspired by the famous words of former Boston Celtics All-Star Antoine Walker, the Massachusetts men’s basketball team announced on Sunday that it will be leaving the NCAA and the Atlantic 10 Conference to go on tour with the...

Morning Wood: UHS to offer “Fast Pass” to students

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Due to recent complaints from students regarding long waiting periods at University Health Services, officials at the University of Massachusetts administration have decided to release wristbands to students who wish to skip long...

Morning Wood: High court reaches unanimous decision — it’s drinking time

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

WASHINGTON – After hearing arguments all week last week on same-sex marraige, the only thing left for the Supreme Court to debate on is what kind of wine each justice will be having for dinner tonight. “All week it had...

Morning Wood: UMass students create animal hybrid

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Filed under Morning Wood

Grad students in the biological and veterinary science programs at the University of Massachusetts announced last Wednesday that they have created the first ever human-horse hybrid, a result some say is “scientifically remarkable”...