Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Morning Wood: Hulk Hogan brought on to coach UMass wrestling

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Hulkamania will be running wild at the University of Massachusetts. Spurning multi-million dollar offers from World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, “The Immortal” Hulk Hogan, 59, has accepted...

Morning Wood: UMass football to play home games at Townhouse Apartment Complex

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Massachusetts football coach Charley Molnar sat up night after night with haunting visions of empty blue seats at Gillette Stadium flashing through his nightmares. Students and Amherst residents chose against the 10-hour commitment on Saturdays to view UMass through its competitive – wel...

Morning Wood: UMass men’s basketball to go on tour with the Harlem Globetrotters

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Inspired by the famous words of former Boston Celtics All-Star Antoine Walker, the Massachusetts men’s basketball team announced on Sunday that it will be leaving the NCAA and the Atlantic 10 Conference to go on tour with the...

Morning Wood: UHS to offer “Fast Pass” to students

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Due to recent complaints from students regarding long waiting periods at University Health Services, officials at the University of Massachusetts administration have decided to release wristbands to students who wish to skip long...

Morning Wood: High court reaches unanimous decision — it’s drinking time

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

WASHINGTON – After hearing arguments all week last week on same-sex marraige, the only thing left for the Supreme Court to debate on is what kind of wine each justice will be having for dinner tonight. “All week it had...

Morning Wood: UMass students create animal hybrid

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Grad students in the biological and veterinary science programs at the University of Massachusetts announced last Wednesday that they have created the first ever human-horse hybrid, a result some say is “scientifically remarkable”...

Morning Wood: Construction displaces species living in tunnels on campus

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Unsuspecting student Barry Harnass was not prepared for his startling discovery last Wednesday of a subterranean species inhabiting the underground tunnels on the University of Massachusetts campus. “I was trying to get to my class in Bartle...

Morning Wood: No flak for the FAC

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Here at the University of Massachusetts we have an amazing Fine Arts Center.  It is only appropriate that this fine building is an example of fine art itself.  Every day as I walk to class I make sure to take a moment to really take...

Morning Wood: Habemus Papam UMass

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

Out over the athletic fields, past the Mullins Center, the Central Heating Plant brought warm news. White smoke began billowing from the building last night signifying the end to conclave. A new pope has risen. The new pope...

Morning Wood: Free the horde of bros and lady-bros!

By Morning Wood Staff

April 1, 2013

I may be ruffling a few feathers here, but it’s clear: UMass just isn’t bro-friendly enough. Don’t let the abundant UMass hoodies and scuffed Timberland boots fool you. There is an effort to curb bro culture on campus, and...