If they, whoever they are, sold a bumper sticker that read “I hate Amherst College,” I’d buy it. I mean that.

I’d buy it because, indeed, I do hate Amherst College. I hate them because I hate rich, white kids who never had to work a day in their life, who got where they are because their parents bought them a seat in whatever incoming class they are a part of. Instead of knowing what its like to have a job or responsibility, they sit at the country club, living a high life and getting an education that is automatically better than mine, apparently because they pay nearly four times more per year for I do. They view their own upbringing and cultural outlook as superior to my own. They think that by virtue of their parents’ money they are better than I am. Their smarmy attitude says volumes about their stupid, gifted existence, and it all makes me sick.

Those were unfortunate, unprofessional, and unnecessary stereotypes. I should probably huddle in the corner of a poorly lit room, feeling guilty about the use of such wildly outrageous stereotypes. I should be wracked by a wrenching regret for my sin. If I’ve been taught one thing during my life, it’s that stereotypes are bad. Baaaaaad.

Yet, I don’t feel bad. I don’t regret making stereotyped comments like that because, frankly, they aren’t that harmful. But before I make my argument about the relative harm inflicted by those stereotypes, perhaps I should go over a few of the other ones I have.

-Most of the lefty, liberal, Naderites on this campus are horrifically uninformed about things like: “how the world works.”

-Most Communication majors ignorantly follow Sut Jhally, even though 95 percent of his anti-corporate shtick is absolutely ridiculous, especially considering the huge paycheck he’s pulling down. He drives a Volkswagen, a car originally designed for Nazis, and then goes on huge rants about how Israeli Jews are bad. He probably isn’t an Anti-Semite; he just acts like it. And even after all of that, it’s like he’s the Pied Piper. “If I make radical allegations about how bad corporations are, dumbass college students will follow…” He’s made a career out of that.

-To revisit a popular favorite, Orchard Hill Commonwealth College (Commies!) students are Mountain Dew chugging, anti-social Snoodists. They’d rather study than enjoy life, they’d rather do Calculus than have fun.

I pick those three because those are stereotyped statements I’ve made before and some people, for some reason, have expressed frustration at my casual disregard for the individuals involved. And it’s true. When I write things like that, I really am disrespecting large swathes of individuals with no real thought for the possible harm my words could have. There are times when I really regret the things I’ve written. It’s being like Bill O’Reilly, on the O’Reilly factor, except with a conscience. Oh, and a brain.

I draw the line at taking heat for my stereotypes about Amherst College students. Most leftists on campus probably aren’t ill-informed, but rather interested in the theoretical possibilities of the world rather than the practical realities. Maybe Sut Jhally isn’t a vicious anti-Semite. Maybe all Commies aren’t all Mountain Dew chuggers.

But Amherst College students are rich kids who get advantages in this world because of their money, not because of their relative intelligence. Last year, I wrote a column about a couple of AC students who didn’t tip a waiter, then alleged racism when the waiter screamed at them for not leaving a tip. The Amherst Student, the AC college newspaper, made it into a huge deal, calling for a boycott of the restaurant involved. It was ridiculous. Rather than have the stones to reprimand the students for not leaving a tip, they attack the waiter for, oh, expecting a tip for his woefully underpaid work at the restaurant. I wrote about how unattached from society individuals have to be to not leave a tip.

People got angry with me for that. Disdaining AC students? Suggesting that their money directly lead to their ignorance? Suggesting that, because they’d never had a minimum wage job, they didn’t really understand what it was like to not have money? Goodness gracious, such statements were sins on top of sins.

All I know is this: if the ongoing stereotype about me was that I was a filthy richie who’d never had to work a day in his life for anything he got, do you think I’d care? C’mon. That’s a great stereotype for people to throw my way. Sure, people might not like me, but I can wipe my tears away on my hundred dollar bills. The fact of the matter is that a stereotype about the relative advantage that other people get because of a situation – their money, their resources, their whatever – is made by a person getting hurt, not because it’s going hurt the person on the receiving end of the allegation.

Stereotypes that blacks are ignorant because of their skin color? That hurts blacks. It harms the ability to get hired, to get into schools, to get the same opportunities that others have come to expect.

Stereotypes that gays are wanton sex sluts? That hurts gays. It harms their ability to find social acceptance, to get jobs, and to have the same opportunities that others have come to expect.

Stereotypes about getting advantages because you are unbelievably wealthy? That doesn’t hurt Amherst College students; it hurts because it is true.

Amherst College students have a better chance to succeed in the world because their parents bought them (or they possibly earned the opportunity in private schools that the average American cannot possibly afford….oh wait, that’s money again) their place in the world. For whatever reason, an Amherst College education is valued more than a UMass education. And that’s totally ridiculous.

The difference between UMass and Amherst College fundamentally is the number of students and the bill at the end of the year. The fact is that their Shakespeare, Argon and sociology is no different, no better, no more advanced, than ours. And so the only reason that Amherst College is seen is better than us is aesthetic.

The Lord Jeffs can take a stereotyped allegation like their only success is due to the inordinate amount of money that the students and their families have. At the end of the day, they aren’t smarting from the fact that they are predominantly richer and better off than UMass students. They are doing well because they’ll get advantages that the rest of us won’t, simply because they could afford to be at a school that carries a certain prestige that only money can buy.

That’s why I’d put that ‘I hate Amherst College’ bumper sticker on the back of my car. Because I do. And I do so because those people aren’t better people and yet the world will treat them as such. That stereotype doesn’t hurt anybody. It just hurts.