Uh-oh.
The space/time continuum must have shifted slightly after Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was knocked out of the top spot at the box-office by George Clooney’s Ocean’s Eleven. After all, Potter is the single most important movie released in the United States…ever.
Eleven (reviewed on this page), directed by Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh, took in $39.3 million. Over-smooth and under-plotted, Eleven tapped into a group ignored in recent weeks: people who aren’t interested in seeing a movie about a damned boy wizard. Still, Eleven’s take must have been surprising considering the strong competition from pint-sized Potter.
But the child wizard got rocked at the box office, pulling in only $14.1 million. Although it has pulled in more than $200 million at the box office (and will likely cross the $300 million barrier soon enough), Potter only held the top-spot at the box-office for three weeks. Fewer and fewer Hollywood films are being made that can sustain a considerable audience – instead, they cash out and disappear. There is no joke – it’s just weird.
Anyway, Behind Enemy Lines took third with a paltry $8.1 million. Owen Wilson’s work was brilliant – unfortunately, his career crashed after being strafed by enemy fire and now he’s mired in action obscurity. Wait. In the movie, Owen Wilson’s flying was brilliant – unfortunately, he’s bored, strafed by enemy fired and now he’s mired in Bosnia. Oh the confusion. Is Lines nothing but a huge metaphor for Wilson’s life, or is it just a bad movie?
Monsters Inc. gleefully reveled in Potter’s sudden descent, taking fourth place with $6.7 million. Chugging away like Billy Crystal’s career (who, ironically, stars), Monsters is waiting for its opportunity to rough Potter up. In the middle of last week, the film snuck across the $200 million threshold.
Spy Game rotted Robert Redford’s career (and his body) even further, taking $4.6 million. Be careful Robert – there’s still Horse Whisperer 2 to be made. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt has a second movie in the top-five. Next time Bradley, why not get two good movies into the top-five?
Top five, terrible, bottom five, atrocious.
-There is no explanation for Black Knight dropping only spot on the list, seizing sixth with a stunning $3.3 million. What? Who went? Who paid? Who are you, oh Black Knight ticket buyers? And why do you find it necessary to enjoy his films in the theater; Martin Lawrence would still be hilarious on movies made direct-to-video.
-Shallow Hal made $2.6 million. Unreal. Do fat jokes ever get old? (Answer: yes!)
-Out Cold froze souls on its way to $1.4 million.
-Amelie surrendered (this joke will be run until all twelve readers understand that Amelie is a French film and the French surrender like it’s their job) ninth place with $1.2 million. Fans took over Paris just celebrating how wonderfully entertaining the film is!
-Domestic Disturbance made $950,000 to bring up the rear. Even Scientologists go to see movies.
Next week’s new releases were all made by the devil himself: Vanilla Sky stars Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz, and Not Another Teen Movie which takes a brilliant premise and ruins it entirely.
