When there’s a paper due tomorrow, there’s a random thoughts column to finish the semester.
Sometimes, I get the impression that the Board of Trustees really hates having to deal with the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, but then I remembered after yesterday’s massive fee hike that they really just despise us.
Is there anybody more excited for The Lord of The Rings than the guys in the Campus Center Basement who hit each other with fake swords?
When it comes to organizations forcing audiences into giving standing ovations to shows that don’t deserve it, nobody does it better than the University of Massachusetts Theater Guild.
My friends and I started a beer museum because we don’t date.
Saturday’s snowfall was superb (and alliterative!).
Isn’t it strange that professors on campus who claim to hate America and the American government dutifully pay their taxes each year? If they really despise all that the United States is, why fiscally support the government?
I know somebody named Erin Meaney and it always reminds me that I never read John Irving’s A Prayer for Owen Meaney.
Here’s a perfect wrestling scenario as played out at UMass. Communications professor Sut Jhally is lecturing about the evils of corporate America. The lights in the hall go out momentarily and when they come back on, Jhally crony Justin Lewis is standing beside him on stage. The legions of Sut-Lewis-ites are going crazy because the terrible twosome has finally reunited to oppose corporations everywhere. But then Lewis hits Jhally with a chair and announces that he’s with the Isenberg School of Management! It’d be great.
My most recent lesson in drinking is that seven beers and seven shots of Jagermeister is a bad idea.
I’m not going to lie about it: I was on a volleyball team called UMassacre.
How about that Ebola outbreak in Gabon?
Cough.
Giving up red meat: tough thing to do.
Sometimes, I really wish that WMUA was more about students and less about making happy all of the old codgers who stole the station from the students.
If I was a performing artist, I wouldn’t use Popa Chubby as my performing name. I think I’d start with something that doesn’t involve Chubby.
No matter what he does, UMass Men’s Basketball coach Steve Lappas looks like a beaver.
Seriously though, Springfield’s WRNX has the worst radio commercials ever.
I hope Santa Claus gives Amherst College some more money for Christmas because frankly, they’re running awfully low.
Speaking of money, I really want to write a column wherein I compare a broke college student to UMass itself. Just imagine UMass at the ATM machine, punching in its pin number and praying that there is more than the low $10 withdrawal limit.
Profits from MC Hammer’s new album will go to World Trade Center relief efforts – in other words, victims now have access to an additional $1.73.
Hampshire College students wear bananas in their hair and eat fried shoes.
I heard a patriotic song on the radio that turned out to be a commercial for Bob’s Discount Furniture and I was reminded that the same Bob had a commercial last year promising he’d give children candy if they’d come to his store. And I remember thinking that I would never take my child to a store run by a “Bob” who offers candy to my kid as an enticement.
Happy Holidays to everyone who celebrates a Holiday and if you don’t celebrate any of the winter holidays, let’s band together to ruin the holidays for everyone else by crying politically correct at every wreath, ornament and menorah.
Giving up dark soda: tough thing to do.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that America is really close to something special, but then I watch Real World 37 and I know, for sure, that we aren’t.
I wish offending people was a sport: I’d be winning with one Sut Jhally, one Amherst College, one Catholic, one Political Science department, one Intramural official, one Socialist and a partridge in a pear tree.
Get the shinebox Mitch.
Dan Tamberelli from The Adventures of Pete and Pete emailed me back and was a pretty nice guy about me writing about him. Of course, maybe it really wasn’t him.
I think it’s ironic that UMass still teaches Latin, as if it is an important language anymore. Catholic conspiracy anyone?
Holiday wishes? Sure. I truly hope that Mikey Eyes, Jimmy the Gent, Spider, Mitch the Killer, and Marie (Julie), Marie (Shauna), Marie (Amanda), and Marie (Jess) have a nice winter.
Oh yeah, and I hope the rest of you do to. Except for Sut.
