Well, spring is finally upon us. It’s a time when faces have smiles, the birds and the bees have sex with each other, and stabbings are at an all-time low. More importantly, it is a time when your eyes aren’t set dead ahead of you, squinting against the freezing wind, longing for the warmth of a building. In fact, spring is when your gaze wanders about, looking here, glancing there. As such, when you a traveling from class to class, there’s a higher probability of making eye contact with a total stranger, or worse, an acquaintance. These individuals aren’t strangers, but they’re not far off.
You see this person coming at your 11 o’clock angle. Your mind quickly jumps as you realize that: a) you recognize them, and b) you don’t know their name. Hey, it’s not your fault – maybe you met them through a friend who doesn’t know the meaning of introduction, maybe they lived in your building, or perhaps you were associated through a night of wanton fraternization and drunkenness.
Regardless of the situation, it’s safe to say that you are in an uncomfortable state of affairs. Both of you know that the other is coming, and both of you know that you don’t really know each other. Thus a clever game of cat and mouse ensues.
As these circumstances arise, there are several routes to take, but knowing the right one is never easy. It requires quick thinking and lighting-fast reflexes to downplay the approaching awkwardness. The real problem is that you can never really know what the other person is going to do, a problem that goes both ways and complicates things. Will this associate just maintain peripheral discipline and fake an interest in the grass as they go past? Will they acknowledge you? Do you want to look up and acknowledge them?
Usually what ends up happening is nothing too spectacular, but stupid and nonsensical all the same. An easy out is when neither of you formally recognize each other, but unfortunately this almost never happens. Someone always seems to concede and give a last-ditch effort at a hello.
Great – now we have to give a quick and jumbled conversation. Let me start by saying “What’s up.” Now, of course, I expect you to answer that with question of the same meaning, like “What’s going on.” (You never ever answer either of these questions directly. For one, you don’t really want a real answer. Furthermore, think back to those train problems: if one person is walking five miles an hour and one going four, how much time will that give you to have any sort of informative Q and A? None.)
Saying hello to these acquaintances is essentially the admittance to the fact that you recognize each other somehow, but have no additional connection. For these male strangers-but-not-strangers that I run into, default greeting mechanisms in my brain have gotten me so used to saying “man” or “dude” that I sometimes have to catch myself before saying it to girls.
To stop this annoyance that comes along with spring, I have studied the skills levels of people involved in my own various run-ins and come up with some solid foundational rules for a successful walk-and-talk around campus.
First and most importantly, always be looking up about 30-60 feet in front of you. In this way you can set yourself for the interaction that will transpire ten seconds from a sighting.
After the spotting, immediately divert your eyes. I like to pretend that I’m thinking about something important while staring toward the ground, or that I’m just zoning out – perhaps a tree looks like a cloud or something. Whatever the fabrication, the thing you must remember is to stay out of eye contact range. This is essential, as it gives you the time to debate the question: do I want to talk to this person?
From here, it’s up to you. On a fundamental level, you can either maintain your constant stare into the great unknown or look up from about five feet away, giving a semi-surprised facial expression followed by some sort of greeting. Remember, if asked how you are, respond with the same question.
This problem with acquaintances is everywhere on campus. It’s with classmates, it’s in the gym, it’s with that girl you never formally met but who lives on your floor and always sees you whistling Pointer Sisters while you’re in your towel.
But why must we put up with all this discomfort? It’s nice to be friendly with people, but not at the price we often have to pay in brain energy or proper rules of engagement. In the end, we live in a fast-paced world where you only have so much time for so many people. Maybe one of these non-relationship associates is the best friend that you’ll never have, or the person that would have changed your life. When you walk around on these final beautiful spring days, instead of pointless hellos, why don’t you confront your awkwardness, stop one of these people, have a nice little chat, and really find out “what’s up” and why. I’m sure you’ll learn something interesting, and that will be one less person to feel that mutual uneasiness with as you pass by.
Tucker Merrick is a Collegian staff member.
