Last Tuesday was a very significant day for a much-too-large portion of the University of Massachusetts population, so I thought I would take some time to address the person many of us hate, and even more of us know – “4/20 guy.”

Everyone at UMass has met 4/20 guy. Four-twenty guy loves smoking weed and wants everybody to know about his passion for getting high. For 4/20 guy, smoking weed is more than a cheap way to make it seem like his friends are actually funny or cool.

For him, weed is a way of life.

For those of us who have a friend who is a 4/20 guy, we know where he is every day at 4:20 – so long as he isn’t already so high that he forgot he should be hitting the bong. If it was up to 4/20 guy, he would literally do everything high – and he honestly attempts it. We’ve all seen it. He needs to smoke before he writes any of his papers for class. Heck, he needs to smoke before he even goes to class. And don’t think he’s going to play flag-football without smoking some hippie lettuce before the game. Long drive home? He’s rolling a blunt. A concert? How is he supposed to pretend Sam Adams is good without packing a bowl?

Even when 4/20 guy isn’t high, his focus is always on the next opportunity for him to return to his ideal state. You’re at a party or at the bars, and all he talks about is smoking as soon as you get home. Four-twenty guy is so convinced that his way of life is best, that he is also willing to apply it as a pickup line, as in, “Hey, you girls want to come back to my place? I’ll roll a blunt.”

Four-twenty guy loves to be around others who smoke. It is a social event for these people. Call me crazy – and many of you have – but I just don’t get what is so great about putting a “Phish” t-shirt on and sitting on a hill smoking with a bunch of other hippies. I am, of course, talking about “Extravaganja.”

Not only that, but 4/20 guy celebrates the holiday like it is some sort of holy day. To him, the “Extravaganja” event ranks somewhere between getting married and his first blunt on the memorability scale. It’s embarrassing.

To make matters even worse, the existence of Facebook statuses have enabled everyone to pretend they are also 4/20 guy every April 20. Four-twenty has become a dreaded day for those of us whose daily routines don’t start with rolling out of bed and hitting the bong. We have to hear about it constantly. A normal person would think that it makes no sense to go out of one’s way to announce they smoke an illegal substance, but apparently many of our peers disagree. You all know that I’m talking about statuses such as, “I wish I wasn’t in class so I could be smoking on the Hill!” These people honestly need to grow up.

Four-twenty guy is also convinced that smoking weed has no consequences. Not only does he not see any negative consequences, he demands everyone else think the same way he does. If you don’t smoke, he strongly encourages you to do so. He also thinks marijuana should be legalized. He hears about the nation’s deficit and the first thing that comes to mind is legalizing marijuana. He’ll give you some kind of spin, like if it were legalized our government could tax it, which would essentially make it the greatest economic proposal for the United States since 2009’s stimulus package. Although legalizing it would, at best, be described as moronic, arguing with 4/20 guy about it would be about as effective as trying to inform a Red Sox fan from 1999 that Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciaparra.

There is some good news associated with 4/20 guy though, which is that 4/20 is only one day a year. Although many of us have to put up with 4/20 guy on a regular basis, it is at least comforting to know that 364 days out of the year, this guy is in the minority. At some point, this person will have to grow up and stop the immature behavior of smoking from a.m. to p.m. if he ever hopes to contribute anything to our society. Otherwise, 4/20 guy will fail to be known as 4/20 guy, and instead will just be known by words that better describe his lifestyle and contribution to society – none of which I am allowed to use to close this column.

Alex Perry is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at [email protected].