There comes a time when a piece of art, one so astonishing and so breathtaking, revolutionizes the medium of which it came from. I believe it is fair to say we have been blessed with such a gem recently. Yes, there is not a soul who can deny the miracle of the song known as “Friday.”

Rebecca Black’s hit single has dominated modern culture with it’s unbelievable lyrics, both metaphoric and a testament to the grown man who wrote the song’s perception of what an eighth grader’s writing skills would be.

Of course, I’m not serious whatsoever. This song is a total abomination. I’m pretty sure my ears bled at one point, or maybe throughout the entire song, but who is the true fool in this debate? Is this an actual attempt to generate a good pop song, or are we the victims of a massive joke, only fueled by our ignorance?

The song’s video opens with a generic, cookie-cutter graphic accompanied by her horribly auto-tuned voice. What follows is a montage of green screen backgrounds and pure horror. Questionable at first, if one delves further into the lyrics, they may find that this sweet little eighth grader isn’t as innocent as she may seem.

Black monotonously sings, “Gotta have my bowl. Gotta have cereal.” Does this girl need to grab a bowl to place her cereal in or are we experiencing a double entendre? Could it be that Ms. Black needs to light up a bowl before having her cereal? Is it misinterpretation or malicious subliminal messages? We can speculate but we may never know.

She then walks outside to her bus stop, awaiting her transportation, but the song takes a sharp turn when she sees her friends. A car full of children, seriously, way too young to be driving, motions for her to join her in the car and the primary dilemma of the song arises.

Black is unable to decide which seat she should take. Now let’s review. Two friends are in the front. There isn’t a vacant seat in the front. There are two friends in the back seat. I believe this leaves only one seat, the middle one, most likely, open. There we go, her crisis has been averted.

It is here we learn her true intentions. Black is infatuated with, “Partyin’, partyin’,” and “Fun, fun, fun, fun.” She is seriously looking forward to the weekend. I wasn’t aware that eighth graders focused so much on partying on a Friday. Parents who advocate this type of behavior are not good parents and 13-year-olds should not be driving to parties on Friday nights. No. Bad parents.

Fast forward and she is sitting on another car, “driving” very fast down a highway. Why isn’t she buckled up? Yeah, there’s a great role model.

Did she go to school? Who knows? This song isn’t about stupid boring school. It’s about partying, and fun and Friday. I was pretty lost up until the point where she said, “I got this, you got this. Now you know it.” I’m so glad she clarified that for me. I wasn’t sure I got it, but I’m good now.

She isn’t a very good friend either. She clearly acknowledges the friend on her right, who is off in her little uncomfortable world, moving her arms in an attempt to dance. I almost cried for the friend on her left. This girl only wants, love, someone to care about her, some attention. It’s the only motivation she has, and Black practically pushes her aside like the vindictive auto-tuned devil she is.

But once again, she asks, “Which seat can I take?” She’s already in the car. She’s already in her seat. Why is she asking which seat she should sit in?

Finally, the party comes, and there is dire need for a recap. Black reminds us, “Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday.” I almost completely forgot. I thought it was Thursday. I need to get it together.

And, woah, where did this come from? There is a sudden random cameo from a 40-year old guy who we suspect might be a rapper, in a car talking about driving in the fast lane, partying and having fun on the weekend. Is this guy going to the same party? Someone call Chris Hansen from NBC’s former show, “To Catch A Predator,” because I don’t think this is going to end very well at all.

It looks as if Black gets to her party, has a fun weekend, and everyone loves her, and so ends the terror.

But this was only the beginning.

The song was produced by Ark Music Factory, a company that signs individuals temporarily for, usually, a fee, who may have written the song as well. A careful look at the other songs produced by them reveals garbage of the same quality. The song has skyrocketed in popularity, only because people are desperate to witness the embarrassment. What if this was the original intention? What if we are being played? This is the song that we love to hate, and perhaps this is how they win.

This song is only the prologue to Armageddon, so I’ll end with a little fun fact.

Dec. 21, 2012 is on a Friday.

Friday.

Tim Jones is a Collegian columnist and can be reached at [email protected].