I will not presume that you are familiar with my name, nor – as I am a writer of no serious or noteworthy acclaim – that you have even made its acquaintance. But as I am to assume the mantel of chief Editorial and Opinion editor I feel it only polite that I should extend to you, our esteemed readership, a brief salutation as was the custom, during a time when custom held more clout.

Now, I won’t pretend that I am a man who believes such matters to be of incredible importance, but custom is custom and without it we may as well surrender to a present without distinguishable ties – outdated as they may be and often are – to our history and sense of identity. And despite my feelings toward some of our nation’s conduct, it is, historically speaking, the press that has stood as the bulwark against the excessive lasciviousness of certain public institutions.

So, in line with said tradition, I offer this, a salute to our audience and promise that as editor for the Daily Collegian’s Editorial and Opinion page I will work to the best of my abilities to see that each day we provide to you, our peers, the best product possible – within the limits of our given resources.

Of course, I do not aim to stir up bad-blood, sullied histories or, in general, offend you fine people, and I will hold all of our writers to the same journalistic standards the American public has come to expect from its print media – certain British tabloid establishments excluded. And in the unfortunate event that you take offense to what is published, I can do nothing other than offer my humblest apologies. Unless of course you take offense to a piece to which I have given my own blood, so to speak. In that case, I reserve the right to settle matters in the manner of many a venerated writer: through spirit and obscenity.

This is not to say that your grievances will be ridiculed and the subject of late night knee slaps in our offices. All complaints will be forwarded to the appropriate departments and dealt with accordingly before the former happens. However, I do urge our readership to apply the same editorial rigors to letters to editor as we do to our pieces – that is to say a precursory read over and spell-check. A joke.

Better yet, wrangle your reactionary fervor and submit to us an editorial piece of your own. As noted contemporary artist Sol LeWitt once quipped, “Artists teach critics what to think. Critics repeat what the artists teach them.” If this sounds unfair, be glad I did not choose to quote Man Ray.

Anyway, I assure you that our editing process is robust enough to deal with any and all grievous misquotes, fudged figures and facts answering to questionable authorities. But in the inevitable event of an opinion that, given more time and some better judgment, perhaps shouldn’t have been afforded the honor of publication, please exercise patience; we – despite what certain zealous crusaders may suggest – are neither anarchists looking to undermine every wholesome value that serve as the foundation for the “American way,” nor are we hard-headed philistines opposed to the advancement of any and all goals lacking a religious, free-market or family values based pedigree.

We are simple newspaper folk valiantly crusading in the name of free speech and opinion in an effort to provide to you, our beneficent readers, with as comprehensive of a newspaper as we know how.

I do not claim that we know the best way, but it’s the only way we know.

Max Calloway is the Ed/Op Editor. He can be reached at [email protected].