Over the summer, I attended a party that several of my friends from high school organized. It was a casual affair overall, replete with light chatter, swimming and laughter. I remember it was a hazy July night, with the soft crooning of Drake intermingling with the fluctuating dialogue taking place.

Toward the end of the evening, I started up a conversation with a gentleman at this party. I didn’t know him that well. He attended the same college as one of my friends. He was fairly intoxicated and our discussion quickly turned to women. He began to complain to me about the women at his school, and claimed there were too many “stuck up” girls at his college.

“So, girls are just supposed to have sex with you?” I asked

“Well, if they’re drunk at a party and all over a bunch of guys, then yeah, they obviously want it.”

It was this statement that stuck with me. The cavalier tone and the entitled, spoiled, boorish nature of his response angered me. I pressed him further:

“So, what if you’re dancing with a girl and she doesn’t want to make out with you?”

“Then, like I said, she’s stuck up.”

Realizing that he would merely keep repeating that sentiment, I changed my strategy slightly.

“What if she does have sex with you?”

“Then she’s a slut,” he said.

“So women can’t hook up with guys?”

“Well, it depends how many guys she’s been with.”

“What do you mean?” I inquired.

“Well, if she’s been with more than three guys, she’s a whore.”

At this point, owing to his use of the word “whore,” I became upset.

“But why the double standard? No matter what a woman does, you’re still shaming her in some way.”

Before I could finish he stopped me. “Look, man, that’s just the way things are.”

The way things are?

The ways things are.

Over the next few days, his demeaning tone preoccupied my thoughts. I was upset that this man, this well off, white man, honestly believed that a woman, by virtue of her gender, owed him sex or anything at all for that matter. How would he enter into a healthy, stable relationship with this attitude? What would his children be taught? What if he had a daughter? Would he be comfortable with men talking about her in the same way he referred to women?

Sexism affects the ways in which men act each and every day. Growing up, I was consistently taught real men do not cry. Real men do not express their emotions. Real men played sports, fought people and defended their inherent manhood. It was this concept of masculinity that was so damaging to me. Throughout my school years, I observed my friends making comments about a girls “ass” or “tits.” To them, women were nothing more than commodities to satisfy their desires. Not only was I, as a male, expected to lose my virginity in high school, I was also expected to be the pursuer. I was supposed to be the dominant one. A relationship, as I viewed it, was entirely one sided. Even back then, I did not believe this was a healthy mindset. The young men in our society grow up with incredibly unrealistic notions about what constitutes sex and intimacy. My friends and I did not understand the concept of consent. To us, if a girl was wearing revealing clothing, she was asking to be ridiculed.

This sexism also spills over into sports. As someone who had a brief stint with high school football, I can comfortably say that homophobia and misogyny are rampant within this culture. On my team, anyone who underperformed was either a “faggot” or a “pussy.”

If men embraced feminism, if we truly viewed women as our equals, the cruelty and ridicule that exists between young boys would hopefully diminish. The primary reason as to why certain boys are ostracized is because they display certain stereotypically “feminine” characteristics. Young males are often forced into a hypermasculine, sexist role. Anyone that does not adopt this viewpoint is immediately thought of as a pariah. It is this feeling of male superiority that leads to issues such as domestic violence or rape. Only if we alter this belief, only when we teach our sons that they are the equals to our daughters, will we truly create a safe and prosperous society for all.

Anthony Maddaleni is a Collegian contributor. He can be reached at [email protected].