I was a newly initiated member of a social sorority, and I would quit just a few months later. I knew the values that I claimed to stand for, like inclusivity, access and equality, were not being practiced around me.

When I rushed in the fall semester, I did not have malicious intents for joining a sorority. In fact, my desires were rather superficial; pre-arranged parties, community service events and another circle of friends on campus sounded great.

Rushing was not an enjoyable process for me. It was a week spent running around campus with a group of strangers and making small talk with the sisters already in sororities to prove myself pleasant, non-threatening and normal enough for their organization. I was encouraged to avoid controversial topics of conversation including politics, religion and boys. I was exhausted from being rejected, censoring my words and maintaining a certain type of acceptable look with my clothing. Rush week brought me to tears several times, but I still took the bid.

Fall semester came and went, and my disillusionment with the Greek system grew exponentially. The system that was supposed to encourage leadership instead held me back. I held a leadership role within the Student Government Association, which was really important to me. When I approached the sorority and asked for a change in my attendance quota so that I could maintain that leadership role, the request was denied.

The pre-arranged parties, mixers, were not as picturesque as I had imagined. There were attendance expectations for parties, which made me feel pressured to go out more than I wanted to. At parties, I felt pressure to act a certain way, like flirting and drinking, behaviors that might encourage a fraternity to want to “mix” with us again.

I supported our philanthropic mission of domestic violence awareness, but never did more for survivors than donate to charities. Since quitting the sorority, I have pursued other avenues of supporting survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault and working towards prevention of violence.

During my days in the sisterhood, I did make some great friends, but overall I did not feel that I was surrounded by positive female friendships. Specifically, I did not feel encouraged to have dialogues about body image, which is something I feel directly impacted by as a woman. I feel that some of the suggestions given by the sorority about how to do my hair and when to wear makeup actually made it worse.

The financial burden of the sorority, after I added up dues, mandatory donations and apparel, made me very uncomfortable.

I want to share my story of uncomfortable realizations in hopes to show that sometimes systems we may feel connected to are flawed. I want to share my experience with the Greek system that I used to be a part of to pressure it to realize its systematic flaws and shut itself down.

Maddie Goldstein is a Collegian contributor and can be reached at [email protected].