Welcome, my esteemed colleague, to Generation Apathy.

Also known as the Millennials, the MySpace Generation, iGeneration or whatever. Gen A’s can be found constantly checking their email, IMing people from across the room, ‘friending’ people they don’t actually know, and, perhaps mostly, being unable to go two seconds without updating their Facebook or Tweeting to some ‘friends’ or tagging pictures and LOLing.

Most importantly, Gen As are defined by their completely profound lack of caring.

There’s roughly 100 million potential Gen As or Apathetics or whatever-you-want-to-call-them in the United States right now (that is, anyone from their teens to late 20s). Fortunately, some hold no illusions. Some care about what happens in the future, some want to make a difference. I know, it’s hard to imagine, but think about it: for each of these ‘doers,’ these ‘go-getters,’ there’s one less person that will get in the way of you doing what you love: nothing.

Remember when your parents told you things like: ‘You can do anything you want’ or ‘You’re the most important person?’ Well, these lousy showoffs, these non-conformists were told the same thing, they just didn’t get sidetracked like someone else we both know. These crazies went after their dreams and goals with wild abandon. Showoffs. I mean, really, who wants to be burdened with having little character flaws like integrity and motivation?

Good thing you aren’t going to let that happen. Wait, are you? Well, I guess you can if you really want. It’s too much effort for me to stop you from gaining some dignity or for thinking about the consequences of your actions. Isn’t it so much easier to just not talk about boring things like global warming or the genocide in Darfur? It’s alright if you’d rather talk about that party last weekend. You know, the one you really don’t remember all that well? That’s the one.

That’s the important stuff, right there. Screw doing things in the real world. Screw political or social change. Screw being pro or anti anything. Screw actually letting sunlight into your room.

But that’s just Generation Apathy. We’re highlighted by’hellip; Hm. By’hellip; ah’hellip; really, it’s on the tip of my tongue’hellip;

Well, let’s see. The G.I. Generation had WWII, the Baby Boomers had Civil Rights, Generation X had the end of the Cold War. Generation Apathy, however has’hellip; Oh yes, that’s right, we have a shit-ton of cell phones; and the internet. Both of which rock pretty hard. I mean, they totally define us. Our need for instant access, our desire to’hellip; do cool stuff like’hellip; chat online or’hellip; play World of Warcraft or’hellip; not need to leave our cloistered lifestyle.

As members of Gen A, we have everything we need and nothing at all. We have the ability to stay connected, to use all of this technology to shape and change the future, but, looking around, all I can see it being used for is Facebooking and IMing and Tweeting and texting.

My, how the G.I.s and the Boomers and the Xs would have shook things up with the same equipment. Imagine how different the Civil Rights Movement would be with a tool as powerful as the internet. Wowee!

So, you’hellip; yeah, you, remember when your mother said you could do anything you wanted? Well, she lied. As long as you don’t get up and out of that comfortable reclining leather chair, as long as you continue sending text after text after text or checking your Facebook every thirty seconds, you aren’t going to accomplish much. But, then again, it’s the real world. Who really cares?

David Humphreys a graduating senior, was a Collegian staff member and can be reached at [email protected].