I am tired of most things in our “progressive” culture today – and I’m not just talking about the “Let’s have government solve all of our problems” warpath our expert NCAA basketball bracket-picking president is on.
Specifically, one of the biggest problems keeping me tossing and turning at night is the seemingly ridiculous, dumb phenomenon that has become mainstream in recent years: casual “hookups.” Of course, this situation is not exclusive to our campus here at the University of Massachusetts, it is seemingly present at every college and high school around the United States these days.
This culture of people “hooking up” with others whom they are not dating or, God forbid, married to drives me crazy for a few reasons. The first is how unattractive and degrading it is for women, but that is just me. That’s not what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is what it means for where our society is headed. When my parents were my age, it was not commonplace for people to “hookup” with one another without dating. In their crazy world, the norm was for people to date and then, if after dating for a period of time a couple decided they liked each other, they might have engaged in “hooking up” before marriage. But somewhere along the line during the past 20 years, men were apparently successful in creating a culture where the norm became hooking up with someone for a period of time and then, if you like the hookups, consider dating.
I want to be clear about something, particularly to my female counterparts. Hooking up with someone without dating them is not a winning strategy for forming a long-term romantic relationship. Most guys are just not going to respect a girl they are casually hooking up with enough to enter into a romantic relationship with them. The reason they are hooking up casually with girls is because they only want to be hooking up casually with girls. If they intended to date the girl they are hooking up with, they would’ve already asked the girl out on a date.
I think a common question among girls my age is why they haven’t been asked out on dates. Why are they single? Many girls seem to have just convinced themselves that “dating is dead” or “people just don’t date anymore.” I can tell all the girls who feel this way why they are never asked out on dates – guys no longer have to do this to get what they want on a Friday night. Girls have enabled men to hookup with them casually, no strings attached.
I say girls have enabled this because they engage in the behavior of hooking up casually, too. If girls want relationships over casual hookups, they simply shouldn’t enable guys to hookup with them without being committed.
Why would a guy ask a girl he could casually hookup with on a date? What is the benefit of dating for a college-aged male in this situation? Getting to know her, too? I don’t think getting to know someone is high on a guy’s priority list on a Friday night. Casual hookups probably are, though.
I was watching a show on MTV the other day entitled, “True Life: I Have a Friend with Benefits.” For those who don’t know, “friends with benefits” are people who are allegedly friends, but cross the lines of a standard friendship by hooking up. This classic episode of “True Life” documented how poorly these relationships work. It showed the girls in these relationships crying at the end because they were so devastated that the friends-with-benefits relationship wasn’t going to turn into a long-term romantic one. The guys in the show rejected them.
Girls know that friends-with-benefits relationships don’t end well for them, yet still practice the behaviors they know are doomed to fail.
I’m just tired of girls complaining about a problem that they themselves are causing. “Am I ever going to find someone?” It’s ridiculous. No, it is highly unlikely you will find someone while engaging in casual hookup behavior. It’s like a fat man eating a Big Mac, fries and a liter of Coke at McDonald’s, then complaining about his weight. You are causing the problem my friend. You can only solve the problem by disengaging from this behavior.
I hate to single out girls for this issue, but they are the problem. This “casual hookup” scenario is not a problem from a guy’s perspective. Hooking up with girls without having to put forth any effort? It would have sounded like a paradise fantasy world for guys 50 years ago. Guys don’t want to change this situation; they want to keep it going. If girls are waiting around for guys to step up to the plate, they are also probably waiting for Kansas to cut down the nets in the Final Four.
The way to stop our culture from regressing to the point where no one ever bothers to get married anymore is for women to stop praising behavior found in shows like “Sex and the City.” Girls should start conducting themselves like rational human beings. Stop becoming friends with benefits. Stop casually hooking up with guys when you binge drink on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Only when this occurs will our country be able to revive a culture of dating. Until then, I don’t want girls who casually hookup with guys to complain about being single, or ask why guys are not asking them out on dates.
Get your act together, or you girls will continue to stare at that “single” status on Facebook.
Alex Perry is a Collegian columnist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.