April 24, 2014

Scrolling Headlines:

Bowl Weekend set to be ‘very successful’ -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Win-and-in situation looms for UMass men’s lacrosse against Delaware -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Brewed of the Gods – Dogfish Head Theobroma -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Never again, never forget: Remembering the Armenian genocide -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

No. 11 UMass women’s lacrosse prepares for final two regular season games -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Food of the World: Vietnam -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Indie duo The Both to perform at Pearl Street -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

USDA grants awarded to UMass faculty -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

UMass baseball team heads to Bronx for three-game set vs. Fordham -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Workout on the Quad comes to UMass -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Time to reconsider ‘war on terror’ -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

UMass men’s lacrosse has received solid play from freshmen all year -

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Renowned rabbi discusses the role of religion in American policy -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

UMass baseball haunted by missed opportunities in 8-5 loss -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

‘Transcendence’ a fumbling cautionary tale -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Freedom of speech for campus employees -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

‘Veep’ continues to be one of the smartest comedies around -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

‘Noah’ a sinking ship -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Letter: A response to ‘There is nothing to debate about global warming’ -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Push for punishment equality -

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The circle of (extraterrestrial) life

I want to attempt to quickly re-mystify the already debunked. As my friend said to me, “crop circles are so 1996,” which is why I feel we should bring them back up again.

Life has many unknown components that prove amazing to us human beings, including crop circles. There are things we feel inclined to understand, work with and find the origins of. There are crocodiles and alligators – seemingly prehistoric man-eaters who we still feel perpetuated to work with despite their rows of freshly sharpened teeth. There are cloud nebulas we see only from NASA equipment stills that tell us, we will never actually see the spectacular light show millions of light years away – but there is activity beyond us and we want to know about it.

There are indeed black holes sucking up entire galaxies, as the Milky Way prays a black hole dare not lurk near. Then there is the forever and always unanswered question addressing the entire black hole which we reportedly were thrown-up out of, back when we all started to form brains as intelligent as mine from dust particles (I stick with the God story). Of course there is also the question of whether or not Steven Hawking is even human. Folks, we’ll never know.

But what I do want to know, because apparently I missed the fifth grade stage where you learn aliens don’t exist, is about the existence of crop circles.

I’m not sure if it’s normal at 21-years-old to believe and hope that crop circles are indeed created by aliens, or that the Roswell Area 51 lab photos of alien bodies are real. But if you are unlike me and you stick to a more realistic explanation of the mowed down corn and wheat fields of unsuspecting farmers, then there are other equally-fun alternatives.

For instance, in 2009, National Geographic reported that crop circles in Australia were in fact caused by stoned Wallabies. Yes, you read correctly; Wallabies high off of opium hopping around the fields resulted in destroying crops and forming crop circles, because we all know that high wallabies certainly have the cognition to do so.

However, I want more concrete answers about crop circles’ existence, evidence a bit stronger than high Wallabies. I also dread hearing that they are created by bored farmers with janitorial brooms, wooden planks and rope with an eye for outdoor design and superb skills when it comes to math involving 3.14529654….

Indeed, with my dismissal of human influence on crop circles, why are aliens communicating to us in beautifully-designed circles in the middle of nowhere? Why not do it in Central Park, cutting out trees or something – or why not just take over one of our minds, like a semi-famous, book-writing musician for example. Oh wait, Sammy Hagar already had that covered when he recently told the L.A. Times he had been tapped into by aliens in California decades ago. Nevermind, then. The aliens are clearly on top of their infiltrate-the-human-mind plot.

Okay, but this doesn’t explain how the aliens make the circles and why. The movie “Signs” attempted to outline exactly what happens when aliens hit earth – but all we saw is that they walk through Mexican kids’ birthday parties and make Mel Gibson look like less of an ass. Any human explanation for crop circles, including human crafting of them, is dismissible.

If you’re one of those ropes and planks supporters when it comes down to the science of making crop circles, well, you’re taking the fun out of it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to believe that in the deep, dark, windless moments of night, aliens – many of them – take their time and infinite intelligence to create beautiful signs and displays and they are interested in not only our intelligence system, but in contacting us. It just happens to be in rural areas, where we never see them execute their mysterious designs. That’s all there is to it.

Chelsea Whitton is a Collegian columnist. She can be reached at cwhitton@student.umass.edu.

Comments
2 Responses to “The circle of (extraterrestrial) life”
  1. Anon111 says:

    “Then there is the forever and always unanswered question addressing the entire black hole which we reportedly were thrown-up out of, back when we all started to form brains as intelligent as mine from dust particles (I stick with the God story). ”

    In other words, because you don’t know what happened, “God” explains it. To admit, “I don’t know what happened” is a sufficient response without the need to invoke an even more convoluted explanation of our existence. Do you also happen to believe an almighty, benevolent, and omnipotent form of Oprah Winfrey willed organisms into existence? I mean, apparently you do. There are some great evolution courses offered by the biology department here. You should check them out.

    Aliens, crops circles, and “God”, it comes as no surprise you have a tendency to entertain farfetched and unsupported ideas.

  2. nick says:

    nice blog, i’d like to think aliens are trying to contact us by means of making something in a cornfield maybe not turning cows and horses inside out but then again maybe theyre just to shy to order something at mcdonalds.
    There has been more unexplained cases sorrounding ETs, last year an airport somewhere in china was shutdown because of a ufo hovering over head for 4 hours while the military did there thing and said just a ballon nothing to see here. There was a case in mexico where an alien tried to grab a teen they had a video of it taken but that part could have easily been hoaxed, the part that couldnt be hoaxed was they found ALOT of radiation where he saw the ET.
    There has also been a few crop circles that has gotten a few scietests believed that its a message from them answering 17 questions we have been sending out through radio waves into space.

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