Notes from the Campus Center Basement

‘The world is full of guys. Don’t be a guy, be a man.’ – Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything.

***

Hey Jaret, what ever happened to the random columns?

***

I can account to you each and every time I’ve ever cried since the day I was born, with a full story tacked on to each instance. We live in a pessimistic world where you will easily remember the people who made you cry much more easily than the people who made you laugh.

***

This is an official invitation to Jackie to come over my house, swim in my pool, pet my dogs and try to convince my parents that we’re not engaged.

***

Ben, I swear to god I’m never going to stop telling people the story of your 21st birthday. It never ceases to amaze me and amuse everyone else.

***

Scola and Driscoll, 5W4L yo! Throwin’ up the sign. 5W4L!

***

Glad you liked it Mike.

***

Hey, I’m thirsty. Josh, Emily, cold tea?

***

Ann-Marie, what’s 2+2?

***

Justin (JP,) I’ve come to the conclusion that if we find the same girl attractive one more time, we’re going to have to start sharing. In that case, sharing is not caring.

***

What’s up to my entire Theater 140 class. You all rule. Dave, I think the end of the semester party idea must become a reality!

***

Teen Genre and Hollywood Youth Films is easily the best course I took in my four years here.

***

Nason/Newport – President/Trustee? Governer/Lt. Governer? King/Queen?

***

Pat, mad props, to hands down the smartest guy I’ve met here. You’re a good friend Brotha.

***

One more drunken trip to the bars for me and Faber.

***

RGK, Yankees suck.

***

Reading old ‘Tube Notes with Ryan Benharris,’ makes me wonder how I ever ended up with a job at this newspaper.

***

Instant Messenger is worthless. What was that conversation we were having about my dog on speed, Melissa?

***

Collegian Hanger party; poor show by me.

***

Tall Killians; poor show by you.

***

One Sam Wilkinson clocked in the record for fastest album review ever at twelve seconds. He also holds the record for finishing a test faster than any person alive, doing layout faster than anyone in the Collegian newsroom, and fastest person to abandon the Chili’s custom after a certain person quit her job.

***

Not only will she make the best news editor in the history of the Collegian, but Catherine will also revolutionize the way Bostonians describe soda that comes from a tap. FP!

***

Adam Martignetti is probably the single reason I’ve worked at the Collegian for so long. Now if I could only get him to admit that Katie Holmes is mine, life would be so much easier.

***

Somehow no mater how hammered I’ve gotten, even if I forget everything else, I always remember the drunken conversations I had with Melissa Hammel and Adam White. It’s kind of creepy.

***

Bryan Smith will be the next household name in sports analysis.

***

Was there ever a better article written than a little column called ‘Third and 48?’ Eric Soderstrom and Ryan Benharris are gods of the sporting world.

***

My Valentine’s Day editorial was the worst idea in the history of editorials. I’m sorry if you enjoyed it, but I can’t, for the love of God, understand why you would.

***

Okay Ken, you can be me.

***

Erin H.; if nothing else, I kept my promise. Full and extensive water polo coverage!

***

Kyle showed me respect. I don’t know what the Minuteman was talking about.

***

Sorry Amanda, no ‘gray-box,’ quote. Especially about…uh…

***

I’m kinda glad that the ‘Lyon Renharris’ thing faded away, I was getting a bit tired of it.

***

When’s Jodi coming back?

***

Lyon and May

***

The number of women I’ve, at some point in my life, been flat-out, full fledged, totally infatuated and in love with: Two.

***

The number of women I’ve actually told that I was flat-out, full fledged, totally infatuated and in love with: Zero.

***

The number of women who told me they were flat-out, full fledged in love with me: One.

***

Note: none of these women are connected in anyway what so ever, and I never dated, hooked-up or whatever you want to call it, with any of them.

***

Just because they haven’t spoken to me in years, doesn’t mean that Jay, Angela, Rich, and Matt O’Neil are not important enough to mention.

***

Katie, when you run the marathon, I’m definitely spending Patriot’s Day on Boylston Street. I’ll be at the finish line, and that’s a promise. I can’t promise that I won’t be at the finish line eating something disgustingly fattening to tease the runners, but nonetheless, I’ll be there.

***

Elena = best co-ever. Sorry Cara, but you are a close second.

***

Hey, I wonder if there’s anyone out there who has the same birthday as me. Is from the same hometown (Well, kinda. Attleboro sucks). Lived downstairs. Was in a bunch of my classes, and spends more time at the bars than I do. Doubtful.

***

Nothing frightens me more than Becky’s stories about menstruation.

**

‘Life by Marshall Mathers; What is life? Life is like a big obstacle put in front your optical to slow you down.’ – ‘If I Had’ Eminem

***

Rob, you’re my best friend. Without you (and a little ‘Downhome Punch’) I’d probably be rolling in some ditch right now, or at least crying to you about whatever random woman pushed me into it. Thank you.

***

UMass may be a tough place to play, but if I ended my senior column with that ridiculous phrase I’d be a sellout. Instead my last Note will be this…

***

Job wanted: Applicant is a University of Massachusetts Amherst graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Communication and a certificate in film. He has predominantly no marketable skills, but can spin a mean disc at whatever bowling alley he may be assigned to.

Ryan Benharris is the hottest Collegian Columnist on staff.