Before there was the Rock, before Steve Austin was even Pebble Cool, there was the Hulkster.
Ah, memories. Sweet, sweet childhood weekends, sitting on the floor of my friends Kevin and Jimmy’s house, watching the WWF Rock ‘N’ Wrestling on Saturday mornings and on Sunday’s it was time for WWF Superstars of wrestling. Oh, yeah. Watching promos, there was one man who commanded all of my attention: Hulk Hogan. Wearing red and gold he was fire personified. He lit up the ring and our young minds when he leg dropped the Iron Sheik, or when he body slammed Andre the Giant.
His antics on the cartoon show entertained us and made us laugh, and when he hulked up, we all knew truth, justice, and the American way was ready to kick some ass.
And we were all good little Hulkamaniacs, saying our prayers, taking our vitamins, and then proceeding to kick the crap out of each other like we had just seen on TV.
We’d all try and do the signature moves of our favorite wrestlers, and for me, that was Hulk’s leg drop. We’d beat the hell out of each other for a good couple of hours, then go play wiffle ball. But all the while, we asked ourselves, “who is Hulk Hogan?”
We asked this because Hulk was more than just a wrestler to us. He was a role model. Like so many other children of the 1980’s who were too young for John Hughes, we took our cues from Hulk Hogan, Captain Lou Albano and the Junkyard Dog. We tried to emulate their ways: strong, but only fighting for the little guy, never being the bully. Bullies were not cool in the Hulkster’s eyes.
And when he wasn’t tossing around people like rag dolls, Hogan’s movies showed us his range as an actor. From playing the tough, but likable alien soldier in Suburban Commando to playing the tough, but likable babysitter in Mr. Nanny, Hogan proved himself as a master thespian, a true artiste in film. His television appearances were also memorable.
He played hard-to-define characters, like “Himself” in the A- Team and Suddenly Susan, and who can forget his stunning portrayal in a very special Walker, Texas Ranger.
But his true calling was in the ring. Taking on any bad guy, protecting the weak, and helping those in need, Hogan was the classic good guy. But things change, and people grow. We forgot, as children tend to do, and moved on to other heroes and role models. To me, the Hulk was always a good guy, a man who made wrestling fun to watch.
And then, tragically, it was over. Hulk Hogan, our role model, the guy would always do the right thing, admitted to using steroids.
Say it ain’t so, Hulk.
It was dark time for me. I wandered, lost, without direction, trying to figure out what to do with my life. And then, a glimmer of hope emerged.
Hulk joined the WCW.
The news was out, and life was good.
Or so we thought. Hulk Hogan was back, it was true, but it wasn’t the Hulkster we all knew and loved. He was a heel.
The day Hulk went Hollywood was the day that the chalk line was drawn around Hulkamania and all the little Hulkamaniacs were tagged and bagged.
As a heel, he was the antithesis of all that the Hulkster had taught us. His colors? Not the friendly and bright red and gold, but the despondent and evil black.
Hulk Hogan took all our hopes and crushed them. He betrayed all the Hulkamaniacs and hurt us deeply.
But we still have our sweet memories. The true Hulkamaniacs keep the faith. There is good in Hogan yet, and one day, the Hulkster will return to reclaim his throne, and there will be a final battle between good and evil, and all non-believers will be cast down with the McMahon, and then there will 1000 years of peace.
But for now, life goes on. And anytime I’m feeling low, whenever I’m thinking about what to do next, I’ll always remember what the Hulkster taught me.
Say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.
Ain’t that the truth?
