BRITNEY SPEARS

Britney

Jive

Dear Britney,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits during these troubled times and that your current tour is going well. I write this letter to you as both a spirited and passionate critique of your latest self-titled album. By now your record has been dissected by hundreds of critics; hopefully you will find this review a welcome twist.

However, first I would like to congratulate you for becoming the first female solo act to reach No. 1 with your first three albums. I would also like to applaud your worldwide sales figures – having sold 40 million albums in less than three years is quite impressive.

Your first album Baby…One More Time captured the world’s attention by spawning four hit singles including the infectious title track, which has gone on to become one of the best pop songs of all time. As for the rest of the album, you popped your bubble gum and it got stuck all over your blond mane. It was clear that the remaining tracks were there just for the sake of filler.

You then surprised me during the release of Oops…I Did It Again by creating one of the best – dare I say the best? – albums to come out of the current teen pop movement. Only perceptive and unbiased critics realized how instantaneously appealing the album truly was. Nearly all the singles, including the unreleased “What U See (Is What You Get),” were all so cutesy and damn catchy – Oops was a snappy teen pop confection. The only track which worried me was “Dear Diary” which was one of the worst – dare I say the worst? – songs to come out of the teen pop movement. What worried me wasn’t so much that the song was terrible, but because it was the only song you had ever written.

Where does your fantastic journey take you next? A little album simply called Britney, an album in which you write five of the twelve tracks. I must say, the ones you wrote are, much to my relief, better than “Dear Diary.” Lacking a clear chorus or an easy groove to latch onto, the Neptunes-produced “I’m A Slave 4 U” is a questionable lead single. But it’s a move you undoubtedly had to make. The song may have been the cause of a nearly 50 percent decline in your first week sales but you are one step closer from escaping the teen pop realm. You bid farewell to your teen years this past Sunday as you hit 20. “Baby…One More Time” and “Oops…I Did It Again”, as ludicrously derivate as one is to the other, were ultimate teen pop hits, but you can’t sing about love sent from above forever.

“I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet a Woman,” co-written by Dido, is another stepping stone towards your quest to adulthood. On the track, the gooey slime found in most teen pop ballads is stripped away. Also similar to “I’m A Slave 4 U,” the song finds yourself proclaiming “All I need is time, a moment that is mine/ While I’m in between/ I’m not a girl.” For the first time we finally get to hear your voice devoid of any computer manipulation, much to our satisfaction.

You continue to sound off on “Overprotected,” except this Max Martin produced track sinks back into the teen goop. Nevertheless, the song is another sparkler with a chorus that hooks the listener right in. “I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am” are lyrics that will be appreciated from your younger listeners. To retain the attention of younger fans and to entice new listeners, the decision to combine both juvenile and grown-up songs was a smart move but still makes for a rough coherency on the overall record.

Since Swedish teen pop creator Max Martin, who has crafted hits for the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, is back on board much of the same teen pop that was found on Oops can be expected. Vocoders, heavy beats, whirling tempos are all characteristic of the Martin-produced tracks. And the kitten act, heavy sexual breathing, and pre-teen dance pop are all prevalent.

A few tracks successfully mend the teen Britney and the more mature Britney. You sound strikingly like your idol Janet Jackson on “Lonely,” “Anticipating,” and “What It’s Like to Be Me” (which was co-written by beau Justin Timberlake of ‘N Sync and choreographer Wade Robson) either through the aggressive staccato and syncopated beats or the wispy and breathy vocals. Come to think of it, Britney is similar to Jackson’s Control but where Jackson made statements, you idly sing about “Boys” and “Bombastic Love.” Moreover, what Jackson pulls off sounds better as she has a more aggressive and delicate voice. Nevertheless, your attempts aren’t entirely failed, as the songs are delectable pop treats.

One thing I’ve noticed about your covers is that while they’re respectable they never live up to the original. I envision preteen girls grabbing their combs and singing your version of “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll,” oblivious to how much better Joan Jett’s version was.

“Let Me Be” and “That’s Where You Take Me” are both unnecessary stuffing, and by this point the bubble-gum banter grows old. Unfortunately, you also wrote both tracks. Lacking the flamboyance of most of the dance tracks, the two grooves spin round and round propagating nausea. You spend most of the record (eight of the twelve tracks) singing about your repression and desire to break free, eventually the motif becomes a tired one and begins to loose its message.

So how does Britney hold up to its predecessor? Oops is still the reigning champ, but Britney comes awfully close to matching its carefree nature. The use of vocoders, as they did on Oops, work well with your restrained vocals. As stated earlier, however, the more mature tracks and the kiddie songs don’t work well together. Furthermore, there is no clear-cut killer single on your latest effort, such as “Baby…One More Time” and “Oops…I Did It Again.”

Discouraging too is that the album is just under 40 minutes and none of the songs has the strength to sustain themselves for over four minutes. The majority of your teenybopper fans may suffer from ADD, but such short cuts serve to insult your audience.

On Britney you have yet to come into your own, but instead continue to play the nymphet cast by your songwriters. As you get older your current sound won’t sound as appealing – especially since your fan base will continue to grow.

I would suggest you learn how to play guitar or use those piano skills you’re so proficient in, especially as you continue to write more and more of your own songs.

The visions in your music are not resounding and fail to resonate with the world’s youth. Most pop stars (Madonna, Michael and Janet Jackson instantly spring to mind) make powerfully moving statements in their music. These are all roads you should seriously consider taking.

Sincerely Yours,

Nick