I just want to warn everyone right now.

If you don’t have a Kleenex beside you as you’re reading this, you better get a whole box full. I’m about to inform you on the hardships of what it’s like to be the daughter of the one of rock ‘n’ roll’s richest living legends, Ozzy Osbourne.

Kelly Osbourne, 18, has it tough – let me tell you. As I read an interview with her in March’s issue of Spin magazine, not only did I get mad about how this rock offspring has everything handed to her on a silver platter (including a record label and a hit single), but I also realized how little this girl appreciates having rock in her blood and a camera in her face.

Yeah, so it really helps to have Ozzy Osbourne as your daddy and a reality show that films the life of you and your ultra-rock-and-goth family (which also turned out to be the biggest hit show in MTV’s history). Alright, I admit that it must get a little annoying having cameras on you around the clock for everyone to see, but guess what – you and your family are getting paid millions of dollars to do so! Therefore … shut up and stop complaining, Kelly!

Now, if your dad was the Prince of Darkness and you felt like becoming famous one day, what would you do? If you’re Kelly, all you have to do is say the word, and before you know it, Epic Records is practically on their knees with their hands tightly clasped as they beg for you to accept their contract. Kelly’s debut album, appropriately titled “Shut Up,” was released on Nov. 26 of last year. Her first hit single, which was a Madonna cover of “Papa Don’t Preach,” infested the airwaves in a heartbeat.

As Sarah Lewitinn of Spin magazine interviewed Kelly and asked her what various members of her family thought of her debut album, she coldly responded, “Jack hasn’t heard it. I think he’s too busy jacking himself off,” and that her older sister, Aimee, “hasn’t even heard the single. I couldn’t care less of what she thinks of it.”

Wonderful, Kelly! You just won my love and affection.

She later added that she only cares what Daddy Ozzy thinks of it. What about her mother, Sharon? She’s the one who puts up with all of Kelly’s ear-piercing screams and unnecessary, bratty temper tantrums we all get to see on MTV.

Why care what anyone else besides Ozzy thinks of it? I mean, he’s the rock God in the family who is the reason why Kelly even had the chance to show off her not-so-hot singing voice.

Let me just add one more thing. If my father was the personification of rock ‘n’ roll, much like Ozzy is, who knows how I would have turned out. Would I be as bratty as Kelly? I sure as hell would hope not. I guess that if you mix money, power, fame and rock ‘n’ roll, the unfortunate offspring would be a bitchy daughter who is too lazy and cranky, and complains every time she is invited to party in the Hamptons with countless celebrities.

So, whenever you think that life is too tough, just be happy that you aren’t Kelly Osbourne, daughter of a rock ‘n’ roll legend. I know that’s what she would want.

Aren’t you happy that you have your Kleenex right by you now?

You can thank me later.

Samara Marblestone is a Collegian Columnist.