University of Massachusetts police responded late Friday night to a call from Bluewall workers after Chancellor John V. Lombardi stumbled into the eatery intoxicated, demanding a beer from the yet to be opened Bluewall bar.
“He was wrecked,” maintainer Joe Shmoe said. “He tripped on a table leg, and it knocked those big glasses of his right off.”
Workers said the intoxicated Lombardi was complaining about UMass President William Bulger, calling him “a damn mobster.” They said they heard him mumble that he’s had “enough of his crap.”
An apologetic Mrs. Lombardi chased behind John, cleaning up some of the chairs he’d knocked over and trying to get him to stop “making a scene,” as she put it. She unsuccessfully tried to get him to stop so she could tie his shoes, which included a tennis sneaker and a combat boot.
When Bluewall workers proposed to Mrs. Lombardi that perhaps the Chancellor could enjoy an alcoholic beverage at the Graduate Student Lounge, he turned quickly from emptying a sugar canister into his open mouth, spilling the sugar and shouting, “Not that place! Every embittered, underpaid graduate idiot and unsatisfied professor is in there, and when they’re drunk, they confuse the picture of Bulger (on the dartboard) for me.”
Mrs. Lombardi rolled her eyes and apologized for the spilt sugar and milk.
“The snow, cold and Massachusetts politicians have taken their toll,” she said. “He hasn’t been this bad since the days in Florida.”
At the mention of Florida, Lombardi took off his glasses, and holding them in his right hand ran from the Bluewall. However, according to employees, he only made it to one of the shut glass doors at the entrance, which the Chancellor did not see. Tripping on his untied shoelaces, Lombardi fell forward, hitting the glass door. The collision left the Chancellor unconscious on the floor. Employees with the help of UMPD forces helped Mrs. Lombardi load the Chancellor into her GMC Jimmy.
“He was mumbling as we put him into their car,” said Bluewall employee, Seymour Dirt, a sophomore endocrinology major. “Something about Bulger and Romney. I think he said, ‘Damn the masses. Zoomass is worth saving.’ But it could’ve been, ‘Damn my glasses. Why wouldn’t they stay?”
Bluewall workers would like the Lombardi’s to know they are welcome anytime, once the bar is open, but only if the Chancellor can learn to hold his liquor.
“We would love to allow him to come back,” Bluewall manager Ivanna Sandwich said. “We have his glasses safely waiting for him. We only hope he can learn to overcome his obvious problem with the bottle.”
Lombardi has been a key proponent of the Bluewall bar, which opens on Friday. Earlier in the week, Bulger, Lombardi, Interim Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs, Jo-Anne Vanin, and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney made an unusual public pact together. They said they planned on attending opening night at the Bluewall bar and playing flipcup with any of interested students. Lombardi and Bulger also promised to take on any challengers in the card game “asshole.”
Lombardi complimented the SGA last month for keeping a slush fund this semester, saying that it was OK with him as long as half of the $40,000 in hidden funds went to beer pong tables for the bar once it opens.
The SGA was not available for comment.
