There is a danger on campus, a threat to us all, a problem that has to be dealt with, an issue that the UMass administration has ignored for far too long. I speak of the campus pond, a hazard to all who wish to study in peace and tranquility at our fine institute of higher education.
During the winter the pond is especially dangerous as the water freezes when temperatures dip below freezing for several days in a row. With only one hard-to-see sign warning of thin ice, people can accidentally walk on the pond and fall into the freezing cold water, leading to anything from hypothermia, to frostbite or worse. I propose that we drain the campus pond and fill it in with concrete. A nice concrete surface would eliminate this threat.
In the summer this pond is a breeding ground for mosquitoes and other such insects. These mosquitoes suck the blood out of those walking on the University of Massachusetts campus, every drop of which is needed for UMass’ frequent blood drives in the campus center. In addition, mosquitoes carry the deadly West Nile virus, and who knows what else they might be carrying. There’s no reason to take unnecessary risks; by eliminating the pond we eliminate the threat.
Dangerous swans and overpopulated geese infest this region as well. These swans are overly aggressive and have even occasionally threatened to bite students who have come too close.
There are far too many Canadian geese that make UMass their home every fall and I have had enough of their squawking and the feces that they leave behind on the lawns surrounding the pond. Just imagine the look on the faces of those geese when they come by next fall and can’t find their pond. Priceless.
Furthermore the pond takes away all the attention from our beautiful Fine Arts Center that sits beside it. Made of beautiful slabs of gray concrete, the FAC is said to look like a grand piano from above. This building is perhaps the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen. Only on CNN, when they show scenes of downtown Baghdad, have I seen nicer concrete buildings, all of which I assume are also supposed to look like pianos from the air.
The pond takes away from the FAC’s glory, and thus unfair natural competition must be eliminated to restore dignity to our university’s buildings. Of course, the FAC is given a hard time for its architecture. But imagine if someone plopped a pond right outside Herter, Whitmore or Lederle. All of a sudden these buildings would look “ugly” too.
This pond is also severely hurting the US economy, which needs all the help it can get after four years of Bush or eight years of Clinton, depending on what side of the spectrum you lie. Often, guys get away on cheap dates by taking a girl out duck feeding instead of on a real date. I have a friend who is notorious for doing this. Instead of pumping money into our wailing economy by taking a girl to a movie, dinner and who knows what else, he’ll make a sandwich and go duck feeding. An easily accessible pond not only contributes to the duck overpopulation problem but it deprives many areas that have been hit hard by the recession of much needed revenue.
One of the paintings that line the Campus Center of UMass shows a tug of war game being played in the campus pond, but this pond is no longer even tug of war friendly as the water is so polluted. One cannot go for a swim or a dip in this water, and drinking it could lead to spending many months at home.
First made by a stream that ran through campus, it was later plugged up to artificially create a pond, this water could be drained and used to water the lawns of UMass, further saving the school much needed money. The pond was not even supposed to be there, as nature only intended for a small stream to be in that location.
The pond is a threat to us all; it must end.
Gilad Skolnick is a Collegian columnist.
