Everyone recently has been walking around with those sharp cellular telephones, rubbing it in about how swell they are.
Well I have something heavy to say: I confess that I do not own one, and I am proud of it. I am one of the few admirable people that are left who chooses not to have such an invention.
Yes, I actually use the call boxes on campus to communicate with people, and anyone who lives off campus is too Sylvan-like or antisocial anyway, and they are not worth talking to. I’m proud of using the call boxes. While they do not give you much privacy, they are conveniently located throughout campus. I’ve heard people making fun of these call boxes, calling them “candyass,” but I must object to this name-calling. Using only the call boxes is perfectly solid.
They are rugged and super to use. Your steady girl will love to know that her man is willing to go outside and brave the elements to call her. I have far more respect for a man who is no wimp, a man who uses the call boxes for all his communication needs with pride. With its vibrant yellow glow and its beautiful shape, I think it’s one of the grooviest things on campus, aside from Whitmore. People who use the call boxes look like they are on top of things and know what they are doing – they are no spaz, but rather, people with honor.
I’ve noticed that no one with a cellular telephone ever feels adequate. There is always some new boss or cool cellular telephone around that can do something better, whether it be those new telephones that can take photographs or the ones that can respond to your voice, or play some choice arcade game on it.
Everyone is either feeling pathetic for having an obsolete phone or constantly showing off how far out their new phone is that they spend their bread on, sometimes costing them hundreds of dollars. Not having a cellular telephone allows me to not have to deal with any of that.
They are also a distraction from our studies, as fellow students resort to playing those funky arcade games on them instead of listening to the instructor, often missing valuable information.
Cellular telephones tend to encourage young fellows to stay up late, sometimes even several hours after dark talking, rather than getting a solid night of sleep. If a conversation is really important, they will come to you. I am no ditz, I understand that many people are into this latest fad, but I remain convinced that this fad will go the way of love beads and 8-Track Tape Players.
You might get jazzed at the thought of owning your own cellular telephone, but the cost is just not hangin’. They can run from $30 to even $50 or more dollars per month to use, not to mention the cost of the actual telephone. Is talking to people really worth $600? I think not.
There’s still mixed evidence about the supposed radiation that these telephones emit into your heads, and is that a risk you’re willing to take? Mixed studies have shown that it is possible that your head can be exposed to harmful amounts of radiation, which certainly is not neat at all.
Among the worst results of using this terrible fad is the distraction that it can create while driving. Often people driving while on the phone pay less attention to other cars and to their speed, which aside from dangerous, could get you in trouble with the fuzz.
I do not want to be square, but how many of you after a night of drinking brewski, have taken out your cellular telephone and while blitzed and called someone? Not only is this embarrassing, but it can complicate things with your old man, old lady, steady girlfriend or boyfriend. I’ve seen many times people say what was exactly on their mind in these situations, which can have a detrimental effect on their relationships.
People also always forget to turn off their portable telephones, which ring during awkward times during movies, exams, or simply even a lecture. It is distracting to the whole class, interrupts, and is rude, but unfortunately is unavoidable unless one refrains from owning such. I for one do not want to be “that guy” who never shuts his cellular phone.
A cellular telephone robs you of your free time, of your privacy, and prevents you from getting away from it all. Retreating for some alone time is futile when you are reachable wherever you go, you might as well always be in your pad.
Now I’m not Lip Flappin’ about this, because sometimes I feel as if I am the only one without one of these phones. People have to realize that cellular telephones make the world a more complicated place. If we all spent a little less time on our telephones and a little more time actually meeting people maybe we’d have a more social and friendly world. Drop the cellular phones – their only place is in the bone yard. I promise you that you will have a twitchen’ blast.
Gilad Skolnick is a Collegian columnist.