There’s so much that’s wrong in the world – hunger, war, Bush’s presidency – that it’s not impossible to get lost in the thickets of chaos. With images of violence and corruption assaulting our eyes every night on the evening news, with one headline after the next bringing in some sort of bad news, it gets decidedly depressing to just be human. Sometimes it’s worth it to step back and look at how wacky, weird and wonderful this world really is. Let’s venture into this land we call home and marvel at a few of the strange things happening:
H-Bomb is here. For those of you don’t know – and that’s pretty much everyone – H-Bomb is Harvard’s newest magazine. It’s newest porno magazine. The brainiac rich kids who attend everyone’s favorite Ivy League school have decided to put out their own adult rag. We here at The Massachusetts Daily Collegian have actually received not one, but two copies of this prestigious new journalistic endeavor. For a magazine published by such an affluent community it’s pretty bad – even by pornographic standards. The layout, art design and paper are cheap, more akin to a glossy Wal-Mart flyer than a readable magazine. It’s more funny than sexy, more ludicrous than arousing, more silly than erotic. All in all, it’s a practice Harvard should let slide into oblivion – not because of moral reasoning, but it’s actually goofier than they probably wanted it to be!
Eye Jewelry. I am – and some of you may doubt me, but I really am – an advocate for self-expression. I truly am. But there’s a point, in every person’s life, when you don’t need to express yourself any further. Generally, I believe that point comes just before you start surgically inserting little silver hearts into your eye.
In a news story from CNN.com, those crazy Dutch doctors have discovered a way to pioneer a new fad in jewelry and body modification – inserting little, special-made designs (.13 inches each) into the mucous membrane of the eye for anywhere between $600-1200 a pop. “In my view it is a little bit more subtle than (body) piercing,” says eye surgeon Gerritt Melles. In my view, it’s freaky, creepy (check out those pictures) and just plain old scary. There’s always some new idiotic trend bubbling up to the surface – fake tans in the winter, breast implants, branding – but this has go to be the most moronic by far. I can’t even look at the friggin’ pictures of a JewelEye without squirming in my seat.
Blood Drive Brouhaha. So, in Missouri, there’s this sorority, at the University of Missouri-Columbia and they were doing ths blood drive. Okay, that’s fine. No harm in that right? No … unless the blood drive co-ordinator for your house gets overzealous and demands that every girl lie to donate blood – regardless if you just had a tattoo or a piercing or are sick. Yes, because that’s what every blood drive needs – tainted plasma.
According to CNN.com, Christie Key, co-ordinator for Gamma Phi Beta, circulated an e-mail that demanded that the sisters donate blood – or suffer severe punishment. As she froths in her message: “I dont [sic] care if you got a tattoo last week LIE. I dont [sic] care if you have a cold. Suck it up. We all do. LIE. Recent peircings [sic]? LIE.” Wow.
Actually, reading these stories is just as depressing as hearing about the latest terrorist attack in the Middle East. We have Harvard – a bastion of intelligence and sophistication – putting out a porn magazine … and an incompetently made one at that. There’s an eyeball jewelry fad that pushes fashionista trends to the breaking point. And then there’s the actions of a sorority queen who treats a noble effort as a high stakes competition. Maybe society is really going to the crapper. Or maybe people just like acting like idiots.
Johnny Donaldson is a Collegian columnist.
