Alex Arredondo grew up in Quincy, Massachusetts. Like many other Massachusetts natives his age, this August 24th he may have been watching the Red Sox or perhaps gearing up for the school year ahead. However, Alex was not near a diamond or a campus this August; he was spending the last moments of his life in Najaf, Iraq.

Private first class Alexander Arredondo was killed in combat only a few weeks ago. At 20 years old, he lost his life in the desert before he was old enough to buy a drink back home.

In Florida, three marines approached the residence of Carlos Arredondo, Alex’s father. The marines, in formal uniform, were bearing news that no father ever wants to here. In Carlos’ eyes, however, they must have looked more like grim reapers than marines. It is hard to imagine what must have been going through his head when he beheld that site at his doorstep. Before the marines could even say a word to him, he surely already knew.

To say that Carlos Arredondo did not take the news well would be an understatement. With the marines at his doorstep, he silently went into his garage and returned with a propane tank, a gallon of gasoline and a welder’s torch. The helpless and now distraught father climbed into the van that the marines had driven to his house. He proceeded to douse the interior of the van with gasoline and set it ablaze. This was his tragic attempt to end his now meaningless life. This was the scream that he did not let out on his doorstep.

Carlos Arredondo still outlives his son. The marines were able to get him out of the inferno that he created for himself. Though over half of his body was covered in severe burns, his wife stated that it looks like he will recover physically.

Luz Marina Arredondo, Alex’s grandmother, felt the government was at fault for her grandson’s death. She said, “They send them like guinea pigs over there.”

There are over 1,000 stories like this. There are over 1,000 reactions to troubling news. There are over 1,000 visits which marines did not have to make.

Thousands of miles away, back in the deserts of Iraq, there are more deaths. Marines do not show up on the doorsteps in Iraq, though. The civilian deaths in Iraq are staggering. Perhaps these death stories total 10,000 or more. Yet there are no condolences that we hear of, no apologies for misguided JDAMs or errant apache fires on civilian crowds.

But apologies and message bearers never bring back the dead, they never right the wrong. The only progress we can make is to stop the killing before it continues. Lives hinge on our willingness to admit mistakes, yet pride continues to drill nails into coffins that will soon be covered in flags or forgotten in some desert town.

There was a time when civilians were not as affected by war. In the past, battles raged in open fields and in many cases, civilians congregated on surrounding hills to watch the outcome. With the coming of the last century, war was brought closer to home as the average person became more involved. Mobilization led to larger armies and fiercer battles. Battles came to cities, trenches were dug, bombs that evaporated the enemy were dropped, and huts filled with women and children were sprayed with automatic fire. After the Vietnam era, the ratio of military deaths to civilian deaths was 1:8. The people dying in the wars of today are not only the soldiers; in fact, most of those who die as a result of war have nothing to do with the war or politics at all. They are just there when it happens.

For this reason, the decision to go to war is more important today than it has ever been. If war is to be fought with the weapons of the new century, it must be decided with the wisdom of centuries past.

The people affected most by war today, whether they are the fathers in burning vans or mothers in the smoldering streets of Baghdad, have to be thought about before war commences. Foolish decisions are as unacceptable as unnecessary killings.

With every death, the magnitude of the mistake grows exponentially. The guinea pigs continue to die. Marines will continue to bear bad news on doorsteps. However, worst of all, grandmothers will continue to search for reasons why their hope for the future has gone up in smoke.

Information from msnbc.com was used in this article.

Yousef Munayyer is a Collegian editor.