I’m writing this with a 102 degree fever, a sore throat, and a plan. We have University Health Services on campus, which is very helpful. I called them so they could tell me I was doing everything right: drinking a lot of orange juice, taking a lot of Advil, and getting a lot of rest. Those more ambitious, or in more pain then myself could even go down and get checked by a real life doctor if they’d like. UHS is definitely a great thing to have on campus when you’re sick.
Another good thing to have on campus when you’re sick are the C-Stores. I was lucky. I have friends with cars who went out and bought me juice, soup and a thermometer. Those who aren’t so lucky can send someone down to the C-Store to pick up any provisions they might need. They’re so close that if you’re in dire need you could even make the trek yourself. Sometimes it’s nice to get some fresh air when you’re sick anyway. However, there is one thing this campus is lacking: a collection of grandmas. They could designate a dormitory just for the grandmas, with a 24 hour hotline for students who are sick, need help with their laundry, or just need a hug.
As I said, I have very nice friends who went to the supermarket and got me some Progresso chicken noodle soup, but everyone knows that nothing beats Grandma’s chicken noodle soup. I remember when I had to stay out of school for a week in kindergarten with the chicken pox and Grandma’s chicken noodle soup was all I would eat. She stayed with me the whole week, soup on hand, as well as coloring books, games and videos. No matter what anyone says you are never too old for a game of Parcheesi with Grandma.
In fact, it might be a good idea to station a couple of grandmas in each freshman dorm to help ease the way into living on your own. Sort of like how they put a female counselor in the little boys cabins at the camp I went to when I was younger, to take care of the boy’s inevitable homesickness for Mom. There would be a lot less freshman year starvation with grandmas around, and a lot less pink clothing that was white when it went into the washing machine.
It would be beneficial to the grandmas as well, because if their grandchildren had gone away to college, grown up and moved away, or if they didn’t have any grandchildren they would still feel very needed, as I’m sure living on a college campus they would be busy all the time. If we could find some who were, in their age, starting to have difficulty hearing, they wouldn’t be kept awake by how noisy the dorms can be at night. However, if they are anything like my grandma was, they’ll probably get plenty of sleep during the day while the students are away at class.
With grandmas in the dorms we could even do away with the dining commons. I’m sure many of them would be more than happy to cook up dinner for us kids so they could personally make sure we were eating healthy. Of course there are those of us who rarely go down to the dining commons due to a variety of reasons, but when there is Grandma-food right in your very own dorm, well who could resist that? It would be like having Thanksgiving every day.
Grandmas would definitely be a worthwhile investment for the university. The majority of them would most likely be receiving social security checks, so they wouldn’t need huge paychecks, and they would certainly earn whatever they were making with all the help they would be providing. If there were Grandmas on campus I might not be sitting here with four blankets piled on me, and two half empty bottles of pills out on the desk. I might be tucked into bed with a nice bowl of soup, “The Little Mermaid” in the VCR, and a kiss on the forehead. Demeaning? Maybe, but I’d sure be happy.
Stacy Kasdin is a Collegian columnist.
