Alcohol: The biggest complication for college relationships – and quite often involved in the reasons for the breakups.
Everyone understands less-than-smart acts, and everyone gives a certain amount of leeway to drunken actions, because we’re all guilty to some extent. Even so, there’s an old Chinese proverb that says when the wine goes in, the truth comes out.
Alcohol is a great facilitator of truth, but sometimes the truth is ugly, and then the guilty blame the alcohol. True, the things we do while inebriated might never happen sober, but those actions can also be incredibly revealing.
For girls, and possibly guys, if we’re thinking about ending a relationship, we’ll tend to act more single when we go out. Guys take heed: huge warning sign. Something is wrong, and I suggest you find out what it is. In general, even without alcohol, guys tend to act a little meaner when they’re thinking about ending it – playing the devil’s advocate, being harder to talk to and generally making everything just a little bit more difficult than usual.
The reason is that guys act out their emotions before they’re ready to speak them. They’d rather do this than openly hurt a girl, at least until they’re absolutely sure they want to end the relationship. Girls: if you’re suspicious of your man’s behavior, brace yourself, because the end is most likely near, and it’s rare at this age that a guy will really discuss relationship doubts with you before he gives you the ax (so if he does, give him credit). In his mind, if you have to talk about it, something’s wrong. According to “Cosmopolitan,” it’s a guy’s slightly dysfunctional way of protecting the relationship.
If your sweetie changes a lot when he or she drinks, it’s a hint of an underlying problem you may not yet know about. Do you get along fantastically sober, but fight every time you drink? Usually that signifies that the relationship is on the rocks, whether or not this has become apparent when the two of you are sober. And that’s understandable; it takes guts to be vulnerable and speak what you truly feel. We’d much rather not rock the boat and keep things comfortable. But that’s not genuine.
The number one complaint girls have about their guys when they drink is that the girl feels ignored. From a guy’s point of view, this is stupid: he’s just having a good time with his friends, it doesn’t mean anything. Guys: until the relationship’s stability status is in great condition, you cannot act single when with a girl you like, or are dating, and out with your friends. Even then, you could shake things up. We realize we’re sacrificing time with our girls to chill with you and your guys, even if we bring a friend with us, so we’ll hold that against you, even if we don’t admit it, if you don’t pay enough attention to us. We’re there because of you. Rule of thumb: if you bring a girl somewhere she wouldn’t otherwise be, you had better pay attention to her. Guys have difficulties comprehending this because if a girl were to bring a guy out, he sees it as just another opportunity to drink and socialize. Boys: don’t try to figure out why this is, go with what I’m saying and you’ll have a better relationship.
Some guys already know that they can’t or don’t want to give up their single behavior, and that they disappoint the girls they like. So girls, if a guy tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, at this age not wanting to give up single drinking behavior may be the main reason – not that he wouldn’t be with you in different circumstances.
Lastly, if a girl is involved with a guy, and a guy does something including another girl while drunk, whether flirting excessively or more, saying “I’m a guy, what do you expect” is never an excuse, even if the girl was coming on to him. As I like to say, just because you have one, doesn’t mean you get to be one.
